Why do our teens lie? And how do you get to the truth?
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It was so easy when they were younger. A four-year-old telling you they didn’t eat any cookies while their mouth is coated in chocolate was both amusing and easy. A 10-year-old thinks they can weasel one by you by hiding the broken lamp, as though you wouldn’t notice it missing.
Teens are a whole different ballgame. Adolescence brings a need to rebel, and as such they begin to break away from their parents’ control as they seek independence.
The Truth Behind the Lies
So why do our children lie to us? It’s an interesting question, and one that, when you know the answer, helps keep a loaded weapon in your arsenal against uncovering lies. When you can predict a lie, it becomes easier to see.
There are five main reasons your teen could lie to you:
- To avoid getting in trouble.
- To keep parents from being disappointed in them.
- A shift from family-centric to peer-centric perspective (lying to be viewed as cool by their friends).
- When they feel they’re not being heard, the truth is seen as a waste of time.
- To gain some control in their own life.
In day to day life, these reasons can cycle through at any time. Parents can’t be expected to stay on top of every single second of every day and foresee it all coming, but if you notice the possibility for any of these reasons, it can go a long way in preventing that break of trust.
Signs They’re Lying
You’ve picked up your teen from school and they’ve been acting “off” the whole drive back.
Your teen says they’re going out to a friend’s house to study for an upcoming test.
During a lecture, they lazily swear they’ll never do it again.
You suspect your teen is lying to you, but how can you be sure? Experts in the art of lie-detection have outlined many different ways to tell. While there are too many to post here, we can list four of the most obvious signs.
1. Hesitant responses.
When you ask your teen a direct question that should be an easy answer, and they delay in responding, it can be a dead giveaway that they’re trying to make something up instead of telling the truth.
2. Posture and Body Language.
This requires knowing your teen in order to pick up the abnormal behavior. Heavy breathing, posture, being overly still or overly fidgety are all signs they’re uncomfortable, stressed, and hiding something.
3. Information Overload.
When asked a direct question and they unleash a torrent of a story that has nothing to do with what you asked, it’s a sign they’ve come up with a story to cover their lie and can’t wait to get it out.
4. Hostility.
If you’ve been poking and prodding a little bit and they snap back aggressively, it can be a fight or flight response due to all of the stress they’re feeling. Firm or aggressive body language like pointing fingers and shouting are obvious indicators.
Always be careful to not accuse your teen of lying at every turn or you could unnecessarily make them stressed or feel they can’t come to you with things. On the other side of that coin, hopefully these tips can help you spot a lie when it really matters and open the way for communication.
Photo: Flickr/Charles Hutchins