Instant relief from horniness, huh?
Trust me. I’m an expert on this. And I’ve only recently started to figure this out late in life.
It’s not just relief from horniness, though. It’s about relief from any type of feeling you can categorize as “general disappointment”.
This might include anger, resentment or frustration.
But let’s stay with horniness for now.
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In a split second your joyous morning wood is reduced to a flaccid lump of shame and resentment.
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The worst part of feeling horny is the prospect that you’re the only one who cares. Your arousal level is so high it’s like a big fat pink elephant in the room. And your frustration is building because you fear your desire will be unnoticed, unappreciated and unfulfilled.
The ultimate disappointment is the feeling of being unattractive and undesirable.
I know you know what I mean. You’ve already played out the rejection scene in your mind.
It’s like an avalanche gathering momentum. In a split second your joyous morning wood is reduced to a flaccid lump of shame and resentment.
So, what’s the answer? How do you get instant relief?
HONESTY.
Plain, simple honesty. You need to get comfortable calling out that big, fat, pink elephant in the room.
In this video I explain how we “good guys” have learned to lie about our feelings and why dishonesty will destroy us.
And there’s more:
- Why you need to be more like a horse when it comes to being horny
- How we become bigger liars the older we get
- Why honesty is the antidote for all kinds of disappointment
- How to take the power away from the big, fat, pink elephant in the room
- How to say “Hey, I’m horny” without fear or shame…and laugh about it
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Why this is Important
This is important because it’s an intentional action to break a long standing pattern in your life.
Deciding to become a bold, confident, unapologetic man who can be honest about his feelings will be the most liberating choice you’ll ever make. That’s a promise.
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It takes a tougher, much stronger man to say, “I don’t give crap, I’m going to own my emotions and fearlessly express them.”
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Both family and social programming has most men believing that suffering in silence is normal. We’ve been taught to keep our emotional needs and thoughts to ourselves. This is not normal. We can do much, much better.
Being emotionally dishonest robs us of emotional confidence. It makes us live in fear of our emotions and we become an incompetent manager of our emotional world.
It’s a prison where we pretend we’re some tough guy. This makes us a fearful, over-reacting, inappropriately aggressive punk…kind of like watching a Chihuahua snarling at a calm, cool lion.
Be the lion – not the Chihuahua.
It takes a tougher, much stronger man to say, “I don’t give crap, I’m going to own my emotions and fearlessly express them.”
Of course, there’s a good way to do this and a bad way.
The good way comes from a place of calm confidence, love, self-worth and outcome independence. This is a place of personal strength.
The bad way comes from insecurity, fear, defensiveness and neediness. This is a place of personal weakness.
Both are choices. Which will you choose?
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I just released Straight Talk Tools for the Desperate Husband on Amazon. This book will help you to lead yourself and your relationship back to good health.Understand why your partner acts the way she does toward you and learn how to lead your life in the direction you want it to go.
And go HERE for my free ebook The Hard to Swallow Secret to Saving Your Marriage.
Photo: Jenny Kaczorowski/Flickr
Great article. His advice has usefulness for all sorts of topics and situations I think.
What advice do you have for a man who has been vocal, emotionally expressive, communicative in written form, taken the spouse to marriage seminars which specifically speak to physical sexuality as a basic human need and critical to marriage, and engaged in marriage counselling to specifically discuss sexlessness as a significant problem….and the spouse does not engage or try to help change the situation?
Hi David
I don’t know about Steve, but I’d say drop it. If you’re trying to preserve something that’s ready to die, let it go. Maybe something new can be built…maybe not. Look at your own value above and beyond this relationship. When my marriage went tits up I’d have done anything to save it. Later I realized I needed to save myself first.
Nope. Just saying you’re horny doesn’t relieve the horniness. No competent sex therapist would ever agree with what you’re saying.
Thanks, MrEd. I know what you’re saying and yes, just talking doesn’t remove the natural urge for sexual release.
But for most men, behind the sexual tension are OTHER feelings that can be relieved by fearlessly and shamelessly bringing the tension out into the open.
Rejection, abandonment, fear and insecurity are some of those feelings. Often, sexual desire for men is our “go to” solution to resolve a deeper lack. When we speak up about these from a place of strength, we might realize our horniness wasn’t just tied to needing a good ejaculation.
If we understand and accept our desire as part of how we create rather than something that takes us over, all those feelings make much better sense and the choice of wholeness resumes. This is my understanding of how we learn to transform our sense of lack. Thanks, good direction. peace, Bob