The words “sexual assault” are no laughing matter. They aren’t to be taken lightly. The act itself ruins lives. It causes trauma to the victim and the perpetrator can have their entire life impacted due to their actions. The questions about “what went wrong in the life of the perpetrator” come to mind when I think of how intense something like that could be. I also wonder how the victim can ever get past the trauma and lead a life not haunted by the memories of something so awful. There are support groups that do an amazing job helping people get through and there are lots of therapists who specialize in these areas as well. People are speaking out more an more because there are far more safe spaces for them to do so than there were in years before. And even though we have a long way to go, people are pushing more and more to get laws up to date to try and protect the victims and impose the proper penalties on the perpetrators. Many movements have come into play to push these efforts along.
On the flip side, a startling reality is one we must discuss as well. There are some people who have been falsely accused of sexual assault. This is unfortunate in so many ways. It undermines the efforts of legitimate victims to have their voices heard so their perpetrators will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law available. It also makes the public leery about the credibility of the justice system and their ability to properly investigate cases before people’s lives are ruined on either side. It happens most often when someone is more fearful of people connected to them finding out they did something with someone that they think will cause them to get in trouble or experience embarrassment than they are of ruining the life of someone else because they couldn’t face what they’ve done. In my experience, it has happened more with teenagers and young adults than anyone else.
What would you do if your son was falsely accused of sexual assault? Where would you start? How would you advocate for your child? First, we must realize that there’s no one size fits all answer to these questions. Additionally, laws in each state are different. Some states have things like the Romeo & Juliet Law, various statutory rape laws, different ages of consent and such. Sometimes the wrongful accusations can even stem from an angry parent with a teen who is simply too afraid to let their own voice be heard. And of course, the obvious response to a wrongful accusation is to hire an attorney immediately. But what else can you do? There are some prevention strategies one can think about before anything like this is ever even a possibility.
Teach kids no means no whether they are a male or female.
Teach kids about consent, age of consent and why this matters.
Understand the laws in your state so you can help protect your child whether they are accused or become a victim.
Know who your kids hang out with and what they are doing.
Teach kids to be honest even when they think you’ll be disappointed. Let them know your love will be there regardless of mistakes. This may very well save them from a world of trouble.
Help your kids become independent thinkers and not go along with the crowd. If something seems wrong, they need to leave a situation before it gets misconstrued or even out of hand.
There is no winner when real sexual assault happens. There is also no winner when fake accusations are made. We must work to in advance to keep our children, young adults and selves safe on both sides so we can remain happy, healthy and functioning beings.
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Aleasa Word is an emotional intelligence coach, speaker, author, and consultant. She is a former editor of the Raising Boys Section of the Good Men Project and continues to provide content to support the efforts for the purpose of ensuring all men and those who care for them have a voice in support of their success.
