Black Belt Husband with Quentin Hafner

Have you ever felt overwhelmed by the expectations placed on you as a husband? Are you confused about what exactly your wife needs from you? Is your marriage in a rut but you don’t know the first step to getting out?

Today’s guest is Quentin Hafner, author of Black Belt Husband: A Marriage Book for Men. He’s a couples counselor by day and a Brazilian jujitsu practitioner by night. Quentin has developed a methodology to becoming a great husband inspired by the martial arts belt system.

There is no need to feel hopeless when your marriage hits a wall, even if the sex has all but disappeared and you and your spouse at moments hate each other. Quentin Hafner breaks it all down for us in this episode!

What You’ll Learn

Why did Quentin Hafner decided to write Black Belt Husband
Why most guys aren’t interested in mainstream relationship books
How your actions are a choice, your feelings are not a choice
How marital bliss will naturally subside in between 6 and 24 months
How to stop judging your own feelings
How having uncomfortable feelings about your marriage is common
How everybody has the feeling of hating their spouse at some time
How negative feelings doesn’t mean your marriage is broken, only that a problem needs to be addressed
Quentin’s mission to normalize these feelings so men don’t panic
How not to react to your feelings, but instead correct your course
The two main things that silently destroy a marriage
- Apathy – being too casual, leaving the relationship on cruise control. Marriages are like a living organism that needs nurturing and tending to.
- Understanding the importance of offering your wife an emotional connection – Marriages from 2018 are hugely different from 1975. Women have an expectation of emotional fulfilment. Being a provider is not enough and most guys struggle with how to do that.
How to understand your own needs as a man
How to communicate those needs to your wife
Why listening to your wife is only half the equation
To offer the full emotional connection requires you to share
Women are desperate for men to share, to find out about the person they are with
A man’s options in an argument
Why shutting down emotionally is like drinking your own poison
How taking risks and being honest about your feelings is like magic to your marriage
How being “the rock” for your spouse is the biggest myth
The similarities between the journey through marriage and jujitsu
Quentin’s belt system for becoming a great husband
- White belt – being coachable and open minded
- Blue belt – building self-confidence and internal strength
- Purple belt – becoming well-rounded
- Brown belt – being a great leader in marriage
- Black belt – mastery
How sex for women is a completely emotional experience and they need to feel extremely secure and attached to have a healthy libido
Advice to men in a sexless marriage
Why you shouldn’t hesitate to get professional help