Nicole Johnson responds to a commenter as to why she, as a woman, choses to write about masculinity.
This article is in response to a comment which was left on my recent article entitled, The Magnificent Appeal of Masculinity.
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I want commenter M., and all women to know, that my intention behind writing The Magnificent Appeal of Masculinity was to my honor husband as a man, not to honor what he does for me as a woman.
The commenter had written: Sorry, but I was offended when the author called herself a girl, especially since she called her husband a man. Phrases like ‘man and girl’ demean women. I wanted the author to say that she is the luckiest WOMAN in the world. I wanted her to say that her husband rejoices in her feminine power – her super-logical creative mind, her amazingly strong, flexible body, her phenomenal resilience and determination. I want her husband to admire her strength and brilliance. And I want her husband to be a tender, nurturing homemaker who makes lots of career sacrifices so that she can be at the top of her field.
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The Good Men Project celebrated masculinity this past week. As a contributing writer, I submitted an article honoring my husband’s masculinity. The other point of my article was to highlight the fact that if someone can not truly love and respect their partner’s type of womanhood or manhood, they are with the wrong romantic partner.
I especially enjoyed writing The Magnificent Appeal of Masculinity because I had a perfect platform to express the unconditional love and respect I have for my husband as a man, and as my life partner and best friend. Yes, in my opinion, I am truly the luckiest girl in the world.
I find it interesting that a blissfully happy wife can not celebrate her husband, and his masculinity, without having to contend with feminist fanfare. Let’s revisit M.’s comment. Marie, you state that you are offended by my use of the word “girl” in the second paragraph of The Magnificent Appeal of Masculinity. I’m sorry you are offended; however, when did everyone (both men and women) become so sensitive? Was my use of the word “woman” in the sixth paragraph not good enough?
I am a 37 year old woman. At times I feel like a girl, a lady, and a woman. I don’t always feel like a woman; there are times I experience life and love with girlish glee. When I vacillate between female subdivisions I do not feel like less of a woman. In fact, I love it!
The comment was presumptuous. No commenter has intimate knowledge of my marriage or my household. You’ll be happy to know that my husband rejoices in my feminine power everyday. He honors my mind, my body, my tenacity, my humor, my passion, my goals, and my words (and that’s the short list). My husband is incredibly nurturing; I never would have married him if he wasn’t. You may also be delighted to know that my husband does all of the cooking. I hope you will not be vexed to learn that I do all of the laundry and housekeeping.
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This is The Good Men Project; we celebrate good men here. In fact, we perseverate about good men, and I think that’s fantastic! I love the fact that I have an opportunity as a writer and as a wife to repeatedly honor good men in today’s anti-men climate. For people who want to expound upon female goodness, I invite you to start The Good Women Project.
Good Men Project Co-Founder, Tom Matlack, started this website (and movement) to prove that all men are not Budweiser boozing buffoons. He also wants people to know that every man is not a thief, bully, rapist, murder, arsonist, pedophile, cheating husband, gang-banger, pick-up-artist, or dead-beat dad. Tom’s founding message and vision for his company is the reason why I write for The Good Men Project. I also write for this website because as a Dating and Relationship Coach, I want every woman in the dating marketplace to know that there are an infinite number of good men out there. I know. I have been married to a good man for 10 thrilling years.
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I love being a woman. I love rejoicing in women’s glory. I love what the Feminist movement in the United States has done for women. I am a byproduct of that movement. I love paying homage to the women Suffragettes, the 19th Amendment, the National Organization of Women, Betty Freidan, Gloria Steinem, Erica Jong, Rebecca Walker, and every woman who has fought (and continues to fight) for female equality.
However, I will not personally kowtow to feminists. In today’s combative climate, I’ve seen overzealous feminists trying to cause a shift at The Good Men Project. I will not allow my words or my intentions to be hijacked by a hostile agenda. I will fight to preserve the original intention of The Good Men Project.
There is nothing wrong with women celebrating good men. I am not being disloyal to women or women’s progress because I praise men. I do not have to qualify my articles by using a reticent feminist undertone to appease women, simply because I am a woman.
I love my husband. I love men. I love celebrating good men. I want to continue to write for The Good Men Project about admirable men, and their beautiful manhood and masculinity. Consequently, I am not a bad woman for writing about good men.
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photo: sarahreido / flickr
” I wanted the author to say that she is the luckiest WOMAN in the world. I wanted her to say that her husband rejoices in her feminine power – her super-logical creative mind, her amazingly strong, flexible body, her phenomenal resilience and determination. I want her husband to admire her strength and brilliance. And I want her husband to be a tender, nurturing homemaker who makes lots of career sacrifices so that she can be at the top of her field.” It speaks volumes of the commenter that what they value in a man is solely what that man… Read more »
I have to admit that those sentences gave me pause. Can’t we all just admit we would like to have a partner that’s sensitive to our needs who knows when to stay the hell away from us when we’re in a bad mood and that it would be great to have a relationship where we help one another out when needed and that we’re both there for the other when the chips are down. Anyway, the post is still a good post. No offense intended to anyone.
Courageous and articulate – thank you Nicole
I would like to know does commenter “m” even have a husband??
Excellent article, extremely well written….bravo, Nicole Johnson!
Standing ovation.
Well written, I found the following sentence particularly bothersome:
“And I want her husband to be a tender, nurturing homemaker who makes lots of career sacrifices so that she can be at the top of her field.”
Who is she(he?) to dictate what your marriage and life should be like? Home-making women and bread-winning men can still be feminist.
I think you’re confusing the practice with the theory. Women’s power dood, get in the kitchen and be equal.
Excellent post Nicole.
While i have not read the original article,the tone of this one is great.
You are free to love your husband anyway you want to.
Sad to see the rad-fems giving you grief.
%100+
It is unfortunate the rad-fems are providing so much grief. You’re right Nicole, you’re not a bad woman to write about good men. Keep up the great work!
“There is nothing wrong with women celebrating good men. I am not being disloyal to women or women’s progress because I praise men.” Amen. This should be (and is to me) what feminism is all about: equality.
Hear hear
Nice article, Nicole. I think this site is better now. There seem to be fewer scolds (women and men who take men to task overmuch,) and fewer of them seem to be saying that posters are “in denial” or “being defensive,” which, if you think about it, is dirty pool because it assumes that the other poster is just wrong. I’m probably less of a feminist than when I first came here (although maybe not.) I have great respect for women’s rights, but I don’t like ideas that men can change their essential natures. None of my shift is due… Read more »
“But I think MRA has probably progressed beyond the angry divorced dads who were taken to the cleaners by lawyers and courts, and is worth listening to.”
Yes it has progressed to include sexually frustrated men who aren’t getting laid and those who believe in the Roissist religion 🙂 But regardless I always thought it was worth listening to. MRAs have always provided an interesting perspective on the sex and some of he most extreme ones have the most interesting perspectives.
2 great articles. You are your own woman, and ironically , the hard core feninistas can”t tolerate that. I say ironically because, wasn’t the whole point of the feminist movement “Freedom” for women? Anyway, you say you are married for 10 years. That puts you a little more than1/4 of where I’m at. May you reach there and beyond!
“The commenter had written: Sorry, but I was offended when the author called herself a girl, especially since she called her husband a man. Phrases like ‘man and girl’ demean women. I wanted the author to say that she is the luckiest WOMAN in the world. I wanted her to say that her husband rejoices in her feminine power – her super-logical creative mind, her amazingly strong, flexible body, her phenomenal resilience and determination. I want her husband to admire her strength and brilliance. And I want her husband to be a tender, nurturing homemaker who makes lots of career… Read more »
The commenter had written: Sorry, but I was offended when the author called herself a girl, especially since she called her husband a man. Phrases like ‘man and girl’ demean women. I wanted the author to say that she is the luckiest WOMAN in the world. I wanted her to say that her husband rejoices in her feminine power – her super-logical creative mind, her amazingly strong, flexible body, her phenomenal resilience and determination. I want her husband to admire her strength and brilliance. And I want her husband to be a tender, nurturing homemaker who makes lots of career… Read more »
About the whole “girl” thing. I know 70-year old women who play bridge every week who refer to themselves as ‘the girls.” I don’t feel comfortable referring to them that way, but if they want to call themselves that, I’m not going to challenge their use of the term. I tend to think people should be allowed to call themselves just about anything they want to, especially if it is clearly ironic.
This is a good article, thank you.
I can understand the reason for the post. It seems to me that there is so much rhetoric that goes back and forth trying to prove a point, that sometimes it seems that feminism is just a word for bashing anyone who disagrees with a male’s POV or even another woman’s POV. It seems that too much time is wasted picking apart someone else’s statements. Good suggestion about someone starting a Good WomenProject. I’m sure there are as many men out there wondering where all the good women are as there are women wondering where all the good men are.
Lord have mercy. A great article, Nicole. I’m just exhausted by all the binary, contentious comments from the extremes on both sides here. All you need is love, people.
Don’t let Marie get under your skin, she’s been known to leave irrelevant comments like that all over the place. Her schtick is basically a return to the traditional gender roles, only reversed. She demands all men be SAHD and take their wives names, and that women all have empowering careers (which the men will, of course, “sacrifice” or) regardless of what the actual individual couples choose for themselves. If they do not, she cries sexism.
indeed, as shown by her comment below:
Marie says: January 7, 2012 at 12:16 am
But the problem with traditional marriage is that it is male-dominated. There is nothing beautiful about traditional marriage. BTW, I hope your spouse is an excellent provider and protector.
also, Ive been wondering if marie, is really marie
Nicole, why are you castigating male PUAs when you are running a PUA website yourself, do you see them as the competition?
🙂
Can a women really be a women if she does not celebrate masculinity? Can a man really be a man if he does not support and celebrate the women of the world?
Yes. Your chromosomes don’t change if you don’t celebrate what other people want you to celebrate.
Matt – Good point!
Kirsten – There’s a big difference in being female by gender and being a woman (or say, a girl, as it also seems to be an inflammatory distinction).
“Can a women really be a women if she does not celebrate masculinity? Can a man really be a man if he does not support and celebrate the women of the world?”
Yes, obviously. Lesbians and gay men. FFS, that’s a really narrow (19th century) definition of women you’re using there.
There was a time I was very close friends with a group of women from a minoian sisterhood coven……Even they celebrated certian masculine aspects in rituals…….
And gay men don’t enjoy certian feminine aspects of their own culture? Huh?
Spent a few years as the part of the token straight couple in a gay/lesbian coven (east village nyc)….. Masculine/feminine is a ying/yang……we all contain both aspects in our cores in different measures……. That maybe be a few people that are monopoles exist…sure…but rare
My husband is a good man and a loving father to our 11 yo son…I just wanted to say that we are all projects in the works…we are all evolving and changing and living with the changing times every day….Every day presents new challenges to our roles as men and women….as husbands and wives…as fathers and mothers…. My relationship with my husband was not always so great….we came to a breaking point this past summer, a culmination of various things….I think I personally have gone past “the good girl” stage, which to me means being quiet, smiling, pleasant, and submissive….I… Read more »
I was with you 100% until the kowtow to feminists statement. Please don’t join the others that seem to confuse feminists with women with misplaced anger toward men. There is nothing inherently man-hating about feminism.
If the “good” feminists don’t shun and openly disdain those that display their “misplaced anger” how are we men to know? Most of the men that post here dismiss and shun the MRA extremist segment, is it really to much to ask feminists to do the same…..publicly call out evil?
It sounds to me like maybe one just DID call it out publicly. Or are you saying her comment wasn’t sufficiently disdainful, or…?
I think he’s asking for more to do it, 1 a revolution does not make n all that jazz.
By far, Gender relations could advance decades if only the extemists on both sides were called out for it and shuned.
Here here, especially the bit about “both sides”
…her stance needs to become the rule rather than the exception.
“Most of the men that post here dismiss and shun the MRA extremist segment” Not that I’ve seen, AT ALL. In fact, going back and looking at some of the posted pieces from earlier last year, the comments from women AND men are much more balanced and thoughtful– very little wilful ignorance or twisting, intentional misrepresentation, or manipulation of the OP’s points OR factual information. As the pieces progress through the year, however (especially from about August/September on), the comments are increasingly flooded by MRA whining, denial, and nasty attacks on posters who address the issues from feminist or even… Read more »
Odd because I’ve had some of my best interactions here in the last few weeks with MRAs and feminists who seem to be cooling off and starting to see something resembling common ground.
Dear Morgaine I have to say that you have an agenda. You have been courteously asked about the origins and source references on rape culture – to which you replied that men were being disrespectful and not listening to women! I hope you have a petard handy and the strength to hoist yourself on it! ” Joyce Williams Extract – Rape culture is a concept of unknown origin and of uncertain definition; yet it has made its way into everyday vocabulary and is assumed to be commonly understood. The award-winning documentary film Rape Culture made by Margaret Lazarus in 1975… Read more »
I don’t read your posts anymore. A large number of them are longer than the original posts, and the vast majority demand that I address comments that I have already addressed (and you ignored my answers) or that aren’t relevant to my posts.
So I pretty much ignore your posts now.
In other words, you don’t want to debate nor answer his questions.
Wow, that was the biggest cow out that I have ever seen
Morgaine – if you choose not to read that is your choice, just as it is a matter of your choice to take valid questions in bad faith and mistreat people. So now you have a valid source link from a most reputable source concerning Rape Culture you know where to send people when they ask you for a definition. You have been repeatedly rude – dismissive – and discourteous to people who have asked you in good faith for answers. If you don’t like being called on your behaviour that is also a choice you make. The first time… Read more »
I’ve actually found more egalitarianism in the last few weeks than I’ve noticed before, noticed a lot of people are actually after equality. Which attacks were vile? I’ve criticized Hugo’s stats and usage, and seen many that have but only a few that were truly vile to him as I believe the moderation would kill a lot of that. I find there are actually a lot of great posters here, and they’re mainly the reason I stick around and are both male and female. I’ve been quite moved actually by some of the changes in understanding, the opening of minds,… Read more »
“Male writers and commenters are called “manginas”, are accused of being women (OOOH, WHAT AN INSULT, eh? LMAO), and attacked with such frothing-at-the-mouth fury you’d think that they had proposed castration for all MRAs. ”
I don’t defend what extremism does occur here, but its not one sided, and I’m sorry to say that from what I’ve seen you’re definitely a part of it.
For my own part I do try to call out sextremist bullshit and ad hominems, coming from either side.
Ooops *extremist. Oh well, I guess “sextremist” works too, even if it is made up
“sextremist” – sounds good to me too! P^)
Need to get it in wide usage and defined! Have a look at Urban Dictionary and list it yourself so that you get all credit! It aint listed!
“sextremist bullshit” is also very good too! P^)
“More and more the reasonable comments are disappearing. Some of the attacks on GMP writers (and former writers– seems that even though Hugo has left, all it takes is a mention of his name to get those mouth-frothers frothing again) have become absolutely vile….” I regard your comments as very often extreme. I know you don’t. But this is part of the problem with feminism being embedded into the culture. Extreme radical feminism is no longer extreme. It has been normalized On the other hand the MRA’s that exist here are by and large moderate. If you really want to… Read more »
I would say those women are feminists in the same way Sunnis and Shiites consider each other to be Muslims.
Can you please tell me what qualifications are required to be called a feminists????
Heres the trouble, who gets to define the borders of feminism (or masculism)? Who gets to decide who is called a feminist and who is just an angry woman with man issues?
Not that we can’t call out extremism and illogic when we see it, but when the extreme feminists always seem to be more vocal than the moderate ones it doesn’t neccessarily help to say “Well they’re not really feminist.”
“There is nothing wrong with women celebrating good men. I am not being disloyal to women or women’s progress because I praise men.”
Hallelujah.
Nicole
“However, I will not personally kowtow to feminists. In today’s combative climate, I’ve seen overzealous feminists trying to cause a shift at The Good Men Project. I will not allow my words or my intentions to be hijacked by a hostile agenda. I will fight to preserve the original intention of The Good Men Project.”
Thank you for acknowledging that there has been a battle and even warfare, and thank you for acknowledging that both sexes have souls! P^)
There are many who believe that keeping The Soul of The Good Men Project is worth fighting for!
More men’s voices please. This seems too much like a woman’s magazine.
Women’s voices like this one are what we need.
Amen to this article, it’s becoming annoying the presumptions people make with words. I say guys and girls referring to adults as well as kids, doesn’t mean I’m trying to insult anyone or infantalize people. People need to read context more than the word itself!
Nicole, let me say you are a great woman, girl, lady and everything that goes with it.
Unconditional support of a loving husband is a great attribute to have. Just as unconditional support of a love wife is a great attribute to have. From what you’ve written, you both possess it for each other in spades.
Here’s to you.
🙂