When You Want to Date Someone—But Their Weight Is a Self-Imposed Obstacle

Ask Wendy: Dating, Sex & Relationship Advice for the Bold

Hey Wendy,

I’m a person who is fit. Health and exercise is really important to me. I’ve recently met someone who’s active but a bit overweight. How do I get past that if he seems to have everything else I’m looking for?

Christine K.

_____

Hey Christine,

Maybe you get past the extra girth, and maybe you don’t.

But there’s one thing I know to be true: We humans want to be loved for exactly who we are and exactly who we are not.

You might learn that you need to find a person who’s as committed to fitness and health as you are — and those who aren’t in the fitness camp just might not be a right match for you. And if that’s your choice, that’s okay.

I’m a rotund person, and I’m here to tell you it’s 100% acceptable for you to pass on this guy, and if you do, don’t be hard on yourself. You’re allowed to like what you like and have your own set of preferences. You are not discriminating — playing the role of your boyfriend is not the same as being turned down for a job.

PRIORITIES

Every single one of us focuses our attention on something while actively ignoring other areas of life. For example, I’ve plunged head-first into the area of dating, sex, and relationships and I spend a ridiculous amount of time learning things, reading things, thinking about things, and discovering things in this realm. This makes me extremely knowledgeable about the topic of partnership. On the other hand, I don’t know jack shit about trigonometry, botany, or Celtic traditions. Also? I don’t put much of my time and attention on not be a round person. I choose not to focus too much of my time here, and I’m okay with this. Luckily for me, I chose a partner who can fully get behind all that I am (and all that I’m not).

TRYING TO GET PAST WEIGHT IS NO BUENO

How you get past his extra poundage is, you decide.

If you choose to find this guy sexy, and you can love his body now, (love handles included) then awesome! But I beg of you, don’t try. If you can’t fully accept him “as is” I predict you will whirl him into a fix-it project, and the end result will not be lovely for either of you.

Only you can decide if you’re in or out.

If you’re in, be all the way in. That’s a far better plan than trying to be a helpful health partner. If he wanted that, he’d have hired it.

Inner inspiration is where change happens, especially when it comes to our physicality. And what might seem like inspiration to you may come across as nagging and unwelcome criticism to him.

. . . .

Do you know EXACTLY who your person is and what your dealbreakers are? You can sort this in an afternoon, and it will make dating soooo much easier (and faster). Grab Partner-Have-to-Haves DIY audio (and video) workshop now.

Got a question for Wendy? Send it via email: [email protected].

—

Previously Published on medium

You Might Also Like These From The Good Men Project

Compliments Men Want to Hear More Often

Relationships Aren’t Easy, But They’re Worth It

The One Thing Men Want More Than Sex

..A Man’s Kiss Tells You Everything

—

Photo credit: iStock