9 Clear Signs You Should Break up With Your Partner

Breakups are rarely an obvious decision.

In most cases, it’s a feeling that lingers with you for a while. First, your partner goes away on a working trip and you don’t miss them for a whole week. Then, they come back and do something that used to be fine but annoyed you this time.

Your physical closeness fades. But then it comes back on a romantic weekend, only to die again the following month. You get a feeling that something needs to change. Until, one day, you dare to ask yourself the question: should you break up?

It depends. It’s entirely personal and there is no universal answer — that’s what makes it such a hard decision. But there are some guidelines you can follow to assess your relationship and come closer to a meaningful answer. Let’s dive into them…

1. You want different things in life

Differences are good and exciting in a relationship. You like holidays by the sea, your partner prefers the mountain. You like asian food, they prefer Mexican. This is part of the beauty of sharing your life with someone, you get to explore the world from a different perspective.

But some differences are too big to handle. You want kids, they don’t. You want to live in your home country, they want to live abroad. You want to have a stable job, they want to become a digital nomad.

Major lifestyle choices that go in opposite directions are usually a deal breaker. There is no compromise possible, and keeping the relationship means letting go of an important part of you. Is the trade off worth it?

2. You are giving up on your dreams

Maybe your case is a bit different from the previous point. You don’t disagree with the overall direction of life, but you are still forced to compromise on issues that are important to you.

For example, you have the opportunity to study a year abroad and your partner is against it. Do your want to miss out on the opportunity to live in Paris for a while because of a person who doesn’t support your dreams? Healthy relationships are empowering, not something that holds you back.

3. You fight badly

Fighting is not a bad sign per se, you can have different points of view and healthy arguments over it . After all, you’re two different people and will disagree on some aspects, inevitably.

The problem is not fighting, it’s how you fight. If you lose respect and attack one another verbally or even physically, it’s a clear sign that the connection you have is very damaged and you’ve crossed a line that is hard to come back from.

4. You are afraid to tell them how you feel

It can be anything: how you feel about the relationship, but also how you feel about them or even about yourself. A healthy relationship is based on clear and honest communication. Holding yourself back, afraid of how your partner might react if they know what’s going on inside your head, is a worrisome sign.

You should be able to be yourself and provide respectful feedback on how you feel about everything. Constantly muting yourself will only make the problem grow. Before you know it, you will feel the only option left to get your life back is to break up.

5. You keep hoping your partner will change

We all dislike something about our partners. Whether it’s their annoying habit of leaving hair in the bath tub, their inappropriate jokes, or how they cope with stressful situations. Nobody is perfect.

If it’s a minor issue, over time it will become non-important. If it’s something major, we either learn to accept it or we need to face the reality that it is a deal-breaker. Don’t go down the road of waiting for your partner to change on that important topic. You will be waiting forever.

6. You don’t want to have sex with your partner

You don’t have to constantly be on top of each other, especially you’ve been in a relationship for a while. We all have tiring days, lower periods, and decreased libido sometimes.

But if this is persistent, and you are never in the mood to get sexy with your person, it is a clear sign that the physical attraction is gone. Now it’s up to you to consider: can you imagine a romantic relationship without the sexual component? Or is it time to part ways?

7. You don’t trust your partner

A long, steady, healthy relationship can not exist without trust. Maybe you have trusting issues from previous relationships. Or maybe your current partner did something that betrayed your trust, and your relationship never recovered from it. Whatever the reason, you need to address it and try to build mutual trust. If you can’t do it on your own, consider getting professional health.

If, even then, you can’t get over your trust issues, it might be a sign that you should not be together. Otherwise, you’re in for a bumpy ride with constant worry and arguing.

8. Other people think you should break up

This is not a case of other people knowing what’s best for you, better than you know yourself. It’s just that, sometimes, with that outside perspective, your friends and family can see signs that you are too deep to notice.

If several people around you keep recommending that you break up and they present solid arguments to their case, give them a listen, at least.

9. You’ve been considering it for a while

The simple fact that you’ve been pondering whether or not to break-up with your partner is evidence that you should give it a hard, long thought. If everything was well, you wouldn’t be thinking about ending things, at least not recurrently.

Before You Leave

As we said, relationships are deeply personal. The ultimate compass guiding your decision should be your feeling about the situation.

But it often helps to organize your thoughts and random feelings. Thus, the importance of reflecting on the points above.

If you come to the conclusion that breaking up is the best decision, go for it. Why prolong something that you know is not right for neither of you? Breaking up will hurt, but it will also open the door to a new chapter in your life. And new chapters are exciting and bring with them plenty of good stuff, no matter how unrealistic that might seem to you now.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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