Breakups Should Hurt. Here’s Why.

Most people avoid the pain they need most.

It seems weird to want heartbreak to hurt. Don’t hurt people try to harm others? But what if you had it all wrong?

What good can come from a painful separation?

Let’s find out.

…

You learn a lesson.

Have you grieved?

Spent time alone reflecting? Imagine repeating a situation with a third or fourth intimate partner. The universe is cryptic. Your mind will say you have a type. Then, have you search for people that look like your ex. And the universe will send these people your way until you have healed.

Healed people have scars and trauma. It’s not to scare you off from ever loving again. It helps you remember your old mistakes to make different ones. I realized it also pushes you to search for a new type of partner. Who said you had to want the emotionally unavailable boy type forever?

A broken heart never feels good.

But the lessons learned can make good come of this negative experience.

…

You make a great realization.

I’ve seen people leave six-year relationships and get engaged six months later. Become pregnant. Leave the country and create adventurous memories with someone else.

When the individual is happy, this change is not petty. Nor is it to spite an ex. Crying yourself to sleep at night is like a slap in the face. It makes you work (not hope) for better. Once you know the love you don’t want, you realize you deserve more than the bare minimum.

You know rock-bottom.

Now, you want a life where you are happy. People are ready to love, accept, and see you achieve your dreams.

You realize healthy love exists. But you haven’t experienced it yet.

…

You act on your behalf.

How often do you choose the significant other your parent(s) would love?

A breakup shows your mom, dad, or guardian dad is not always right.

They don’t know who is best for you. Breakups inspire moments of standing up to your parents. You go after the happiness you deserve.

You give yourself a break for not meeting parental partner expectations.

…

You yearn for peace.

Poor communication is one reason relationships end.

You sit in turmoil waiting for the inevitable. If you had a breakup before, you get less patient. Less afraid. You schedule the talk to protect your mental peace.

Talks can prevent splitting up. Having a discussion can let you both know what you need to work on together.

Scheduling the talk also gives you control. You decide to end the relationship. You get your words out before your person belittles you.

You’ll feel good not being the victim. Not letting events happen to you. It will make you more at ease and confident because you know the power you have in new unions.

…

You develop a calm aura.

What would once send you into a fit of rage? Now, it does not trigger you. You have become immune to the tone and behaviors of people.

Think of someone raising their voice at you. The grown you would respond to words, not their tone.

Consider someone using manipulative tactics. It won’t work. You get attuned to the techniques. So, you prepare to stick to what you want.

Many people prefer to limit themselves to one set of people because they think they have a type. When this type hurts you, the past is no longer comforting.

It hurts.

You can’t accept healthy love if you don’t believe you are deserving. The pain lets you not want to feel sad again.

These emotions make you wiser to not give aggressors the reaction they want. And propel you to seek affection from other people who have different love languages.

…

Breakups change how you feel about love.

It’s like burning your hand on a hot stove and deciding to be more careful next time.

If splits village has an impact, it will bring about a reaction.

When separation is unpleasant, it causes you to change. You feel the need to act or grow into someone different. Though some women shave their hair off. Or need to look like a 2.0 of themselves. There are other deeper emotional changes:

You learn a lesson.
You make a great realization.
You act on your behalf.
You yearn for peace.
You develop a calm aura.

Thank you for reading!

…

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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