How I Discipline My Kids *Parenting Advice* [Video]

By Beleaf in Fatherhood

Let me preface this by saying that I don’t have all the answers when it comes to parenting—every child and situation is different, and I can only speak on what I know, which is what has worked in my family. Time and time again, I find that consistency is the most favorable option, because kids respond well to what they know they can expect. My children know what lurks behind bad choices, they know when they hear a certain tone in my voice that I mean business, and they also know that they will be praised for good behavior. That’s the other key ingredient: encouragement. I encourage my children when they illustrate the behaviors we have talked about together, because even though that may be the expectation, I’m still proud of them for rising to it. #BELEAFINFATHERHOOD

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Transcript provided by YouTube (unedited)

0:00
welcome black uh my name is belief
0:02
someone here asked me for parenting
0:04
advice i got this email and um i do not
0:07
like giving parenting advice uh i don’t
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like seeing people give parenting advice
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especially unsolicited but because this
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woman says it’s urgent parenting advice
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i’m gonna respond and i’m gonna try to
0:18
do the best i can here because every
0:20
child is different and every parent is
0:22
different and every home is different
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and um it’s it has a lot to do with your
0:27
environment and what you’re capable to
0:29
to withstand
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and so
0:32
this young lady says i’m a single mother
0:34
i and i and i enjoy your videos
0:37
um okay i have a six-year-old daughter
0:40
who has never met her father her
0:41
behavior is beginning to get unruly in
0:44
entering the zone of disrespect
0:46
i tell her not not to talk to me this
0:48
way and she continues i normally place
0:51
her in a timeout as a disciplinary
0:53
tactic but i’m reading about a lot of
0:55
people
0:56
advising against it how do you
0:58
discipline your children okay
1:01
if your child says i’m not talking to
1:03
you so don’t talk to me
1:04
or
1:06
i’m sorry it’s not funny what you’re
1:08
going through but it’s funny i’m just
1:09
imagining one of my children saying that
1:10
to me um if you don’t let me watch my
1:13
show then i’m going to break your phone
1:16
um i’m very cut and dry right so
1:18
whatever i tell to tell them to do right
1:22
it is because i have the energy i have
1:25
the the know-how to keep that energy for
1:27
a long time right now uriah you know i
1:31
asked him to do one thing he said he or
1:33
he was fighting with his brother
1:34
and you know that whole puzzle thing i
1:36
don’t know if you saw it but he was
1:37
fighting with his brother i told him in
1:38
order to be able to watch tv they had to
1:41
work together they had to work on a 300
1:42
piece puzzle together um and they could
1:44
watch tv afterwards but
1:47
you’re right i said i’m not doing it
1:48
i’ll just watch tv tomorrow i said no
1:49
you don’t understand if you do not do
1:51
this puzzle you will not watch tv for
1:52
the rest of the year like i don’t care
1:54
and he goes i don’t care and i said okay
1:56
cool so i plan on not letting this do
1:58
watch tv play a video game look at his
2:00
screen
2:01
um you know what i’m saying like only
2:03
thing he do is listen to a podcast like
2:05
he can’t look at a screen until he does
2:07
that puzzle and that it that is what it
2:09
is that’s you know that’s his problem
2:11
letting him deal with it
2:12
um
2:13
but i plan on keeping that energy my
2:15
wife was looking at me like bro i’m with
2:17
him more than you are so what are you
2:19
really saying i’m telling don’t you know
2:21
what i’m saying like we both
2:23
are keeping that energy and i’m gonna
2:25
help her figure out some solutions so
2:27
that he doesn’t become a problem for her
2:29
but back to your question i tell her not
2:31
to talk to me this way she continues um
2:33
i normally place on timeout that’s a
2:35
disciplinary tactic but i’m reading
2:36
about a lot of people budgeting against
2:38
it okay so
2:39
if you are doing something that you feel
2:41
like is right for your child but you’re
2:43
reading that other people
2:45
um
2:46
don’t disagree you know disagree with it
2:49
i wouldn’t let them talk you out of
2:50
doing what you know is working for your
2:52
family if that’s working
2:54
um
2:55
time out is a thing of it has a lot to
2:58
do with separation and making a child
3:00
like know that uh
3:02
you know you are this behavior that’s
3:05
accepted isn’t accepted and you need to
3:06
go away
3:07
and i understand that argument if that’s
3:09
the argument but i do think there is
3:12
a boundary that a child needs to know no
3:14
this this is not how we interact as a
3:16
family no one here talks to anyone like
3:19
that
3:20
and if you do talk to someone like that
3:22
you’re basically excluding yourself so
3:24
do me a favor
3:25
go upstairs and come back down when
3:27
you’re ready to apologize and speak
3:29
normally
3:31
i feel like that’s okay and it doesn’t
3:33
have to be for like five minutes that
3:34
you learn your lesson i don’t
3:36
necessarily agree with spanking i don’t
3:38
think that is a
3:40
a i think that people do that out of
3:42
convenience and um i used to spank
3:45
theo on your right right
3:47
until i learned better and i haven’t had
3:49
to do that in a long time and i don’t
3:52
ever want to do it again but it is
3:54
always an option
3:56
the last option
3:58
but i need them to understand that
4:01
like if you put our family in danger you
4:03
know what i’m saying or you deliberately
4:05
do something to hurt your brother
4:08
your mom like something like that like
4:10
i will touch you you know what i’m
4:11
saying i’d never want to do that but
4:13
this is the extent i’m willing to go and
4:15
i know some people look at me like i’m
4:17
crazy for that and i don’t agree with it
4:19
um
4:20
but it is something that’s kind of like
4:21
yo like they
4:23
they believe me like i don’t really have
4:24
to go that far because i’m kind of like
4:25
hey man i already told you when they
4:27
hear my voice when i look at them or
4:29
whatever they know that i’m in business
4:31
um
4:32
and that is
4:34
the power of consistency so in your home
4:38
my question is right
4:40
when she talks to you this way
4:43
what about her talking to you
4:45
like
4:46
bugs you right the fact that it’s
4:48
disrespectful it is disrespectful right
4:50
but does she really know what it means
4:52
to speak to someone respectfully
4:54
has she gotten her way while talking to
4:57
you like this
4:58
is this learned behavior not saying that
5:00
you do it but is she watching a
5:01
particular show sometimes that will
5:03
happen with our children like we we let
5:06
them watch some show and then all of a
5:07
sudden like they start to kind of get a
5:09
little talked back you know what i’m
5:10
saying like
5:11
uh
5:12
hey that hey man i made you some pop
5:14
tarts did you dad
5:15
did you
5:16
hey man don’t talk to me like that what
5:18
are you talking about but the thing is i
5:19
also have to check myself and saying why
5:20
am i getting irritated by that you know
5:22
what i’m saying like is that a real
5:23
reason to be upset sometimes it’s not
5:25
other times it’s kind of like hey bro
5:27
like we don’t do that right so one thing
5:29
theo did that really threw us off
5:31
was
5:32
everybody got christmas presents from
5:34
their grandparents and so theo you know
5:37
he got like cash got a gift card and got
5:39
some like small little gift because he
5:41
kind of knows what he wants now so we
5:42
were kind of getting him those type of
5:43
gifts and so when and i got her gift she
5:46
got this like huge like doll house theo
5:48
was like
5:49
how much was that
5:51
and i was like hey man we don’t ask that
5:53
question
5:54
that is none of your business
5:56
you know um and i have this like thing
5:58
to where i just
6:00
everything escalates right so if that
6:03
happened once i say theo please don’t
6:04
ask that question that’s very rude it’s
6:06
none of your business that’s what
6:07
grandma wanted to get anaya it is what
6:09
it is you know what i’m saying be
6:11
grateful for the cards you got and then
6:13
whatever and so if he would have
6:14
continued on and been like how much is
6:16
that
6:17
i do this thing where i make him do wall
6:18
squats so i put them up against the wall
6:20
i have them squat down
6:21
knees at a 90 degree angle back in the
6:23
degree angle i tell them to drive a car
6:26
and i tell them to stay in their lane
6:28
for one minute
6:29
and then sometimes i go you’re going to
6:31
the right and they have to
6:32
turn sometimes i go you’re going to the
6:35
left and i have to turn you’re going
6:36
straight but i need you to stay in your
6:38
lane and this is a
6:40
something i do
6:41
just kind of just drive in the point
6:42
that like bro just stay in mind your
6:46
business
6:47
you everything’s going fine with you
6:48
like i said always say protect your life
6:50
if you like the way your life is going
6:52
make sure you continually do things that
6:54
are going to advance your life not
6:55
hinder it right like you looking at what
6:57
somebody what somebody else got
6:59
interferes with your own peace in your
7:01
own happiness and contentment so um
7:03
that’s one thing i do is i don’t
7:06
i do not spank you know what i’m saying
7:08
but
7:09
and i’m not saying i’m opposed to it but
7:11
that is not that’s like the 100th option
7:14
i’ll have them do planks i’ll have them
7:16
do
7:16
wall squats i’ll have them um like if i
7:19
ask
7:21
them to stop slamming the door you know
7:22
what i’m saying and they do it once i’ll
7:25
be like hey man open the door
7:27
close the door walk out come back in and
7:30
out five times the correct way right and
7:32
then if they do it again i’ll say hey
7:34
dude do it 10 times the correct way and
7:37
then they’ll have to open the door
7:38
softly close it softly and over and over
7:40
and over again
7:41
and then sometimes it gets up to 20 or
7:43
30. i’ll have them open the door
7:46
close the door walk out open the door
7:48
again
7:50
and then go back through and that’s one
7:52
and i’ll have them do that 30 times so
7:54
they can remember not to slam my door
7:56
you know what i’m saying um
7:59
but
8:01
i think they respect me because i follow
8:03
through on everything i said i was gonna
8:04
do
8:05
um and so one one major question and i
8:08
understand how difficult and
8:10
hard parenting can be uh
8:13
i would challenge you to
8:15
one be consistent
8:17
and then
8:18
two like when she’s doing the right
8:21
thing
8:22
celebrate that
8:24
like
8:25
when she says it correctly
8:27
thank you so much for speaking to me
8:28
that way that makes me feel like you
8:29
really value me right
8:31
like um
8:33
you know what you’ve been doing a really
8:34
good job with your tone lately i just
8:35
want to say how great of a job and how
8:37
proud proud i am of you and that really
8:39
um like magnifies the the uh the
8:42
relationship that we have in the culture
8:44
we have in our home you know stuff like
8:46
that
8:47
and she’ll ask questions like what is
8:48
culture you can talk to about what
8:50
culture means um you can talk about
8:52
respect means but i understand how how
8:55
challenging um it can be to be in the
8:58
situation you’re in and i just wanted to
9:00
respond so uh yeah i hope this was
9:02
helpful um i’m so sorry that um you’re
9:05
going through this but i know you will
9:06
get through this and this is this is
9:08
parenting and i think that you uh you
9:11
got this you know um let me know if any
9:13
of those things work out and i would
9:15
love to hear uh progress in the future
9:17
um so feel free to hit me up again aye
9:20
y’all
9:21
peace

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This post was previously published on YouTube.

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