How To Be Unforgettable on a Date [Video]

Transcript provided by YouTube (unedited)

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hey guys before we get into this video i
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wanted to let you know this video is all
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going to be about how to make a massive
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impact on a date how to make yourself
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unforgettable after a date
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at the end of this video i have
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something really special that i’m going
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to give to you that
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has a massive impact on the way people
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come across when they meet someone that
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they want to attract or make an
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impression with
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stay till the end of this video watch
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this video because it’s an amazing
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introduction to everything i’m going to
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talk about but then at the end of this
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video i have a free gift for you that
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you are going to love
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let’s get into it how to be
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unforgettable on a first date the advice
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i’m about to give can work for any date
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really but on a first date we get
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particularly nervous don’t we we worry
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about how we’re going to come across i
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want to say firstly that
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despite what i’m about to tell you in
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terms of how you can enhance your impact
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on a date
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it’s your date
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it’s a date that’s 50
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you it’s your thumbprint and your
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thumbprint is yours you can’t get it
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wrong it’s yours it’s you we’re talking
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about so while i’m gonna give you some
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ideas some tips some techniques some
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thoughts i don’t want you to overthink
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going on a date because you’ve watched
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this video i sometimes think that’s one
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of the negative impacts of what i do is
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that it can lead to an overthinking i
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don’t want you to do that
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i want you to think that
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even if you didn’t do anything by the
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book on a date
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someone can still fall madly in love
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with you
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and decide to want to be with you
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forever and marry you and have a family
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with you you know that it doesn’t this
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isn’t an exam
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it’s you
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with that in mind there are things that
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over the years of doing this i’ve
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learned that
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aren’t great enhancers
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for what we want to bring out on a date
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for what leads to great conversation for
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what leads to amazing connection
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what leads to someone thinking about you
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after a date so i want to give you today
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three specific techniques
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for enhancing the impact you can make on
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a date number one
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start on the ground
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one of the things we do on a date
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which could be characterized as the
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really difficult small talk section of
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the date is we see someone and we say
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hey
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how are you
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and it’s a really
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difficult
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thing
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to answer because where do you even
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start
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from that place it’s not that it’s a bad
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question it’s just a difficult question
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to answer it’s hard to answer honestly
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because our answer to that is always
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extremely complex and it’s also hard to
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answer specifically
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because it’s such a big
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and vague
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question it’s starting from 50 000 feet
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in the air i propose
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that you reverse that
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you start on the ground and work your
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way up to the 50 000 foot view on the
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ground would be talking about
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something that happened this morning or
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a
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movie that we’ve both seen that we
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really like or something we’re excited
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about in the next month go on a date and
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ask yourself on the way to the date
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what’s in the news of my life right now
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what’s in the news of my week what’s in
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the news of my last hour what’s been
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going on
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what
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unexpected thing happened to me
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just this morning and by the way i
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sometimes think that we get very caught
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up in
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life thinking that in order to have
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great stories
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something fascinating needs to have
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happened to us
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but that’s not actually true the basis
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of
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great story
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is
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we need to have feelings about something
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that’s happened to us however mundane
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whatever happened to you this morning
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however non-eventful
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if we have feelings about it
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then we have story to tell
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we have conversation talking about
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something that’s happened this week or
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today or this morning or how you feel
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about a movie you saw last night you’re
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immediately starting on the ground
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which feels like an organic conversation
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and then you can work your way up to the
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bigger questions about each other number
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two
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connect don’t coach
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i always think that it’s really
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aggravating when
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we share something with someone
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that might be a little bit vulnerable
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and instead of
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connecting with that vulnerability that
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we’ve just shared and maybe even
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offering a little bit of their own
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vulnerability
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someone takes the opportunity to start
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giving us advice which by the way it’s
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on a date especially is
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a really unsexy move right because
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you’re immediately creating a sort of
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mentor mentee relationship a coach
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student relationship a therapist client
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relationship none of these are sexy
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relationships in the context of a of a
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date and they also don’t allow for real
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connection all they do is elevate one
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person above the other in a bit of an
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icky
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way it’s like if if you said to someone
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on a date i
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you know i really enjoy writing but i i
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one of the things i’m working on right
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now is i get two in my head
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and then i i struggle to get down to it
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because i’m prejudging what i’ve written
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before i’ve even started if someone then
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takes that moment and says oh you know
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that’s like you gotta do it every day
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you know you just can’t you can’t
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overthink it you know you just have to
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set a time in the diary and every day
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just go for it i feel i feel myself
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getting aggravated as i’m hearing this
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interaction because it’s so annoying a
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beautiful thing you could have done in
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that moment is
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if i said
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i’m you know i i i prejudge too much
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what i’m about to write and
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sometimes i just i don’t get to it for
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that reason and i really want to work on
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that and by the way it’s kind of
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attractive when someone says i really
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want to work on that because it shows a
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self-awareness but also a proactiveness
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it’s not negative there’s nothing
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negative about saying that and there’s
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nothing sort of poor me about saying
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that and it’s not saying give me advice
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it’s just saying i’m working on that
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which is actually really attractive to
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meet someone who’s that kind of person
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that’s a great opportunity for someone
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else to say
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i i’d so get what you mean i so
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understand that because i always feel
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like that about creative stuff it feels
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so good once you’ve done it
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but
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it’s the getting into it that’s really
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difficult that’s just a moment of
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humanity it’s a moment of connection
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it’s also an invitation for someone who
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maybe doesn’t write or maybe doesn’t
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even have that issue in their creative
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world
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to talk about something they struggle
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with yeah i totally get that that’s it
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is it is really tricky isn’t it to get
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into something in the first place i know
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that for me in my life one of the things
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i’m working on is this so what i’ve done
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is i’ve taken your vulnerability and
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said oh i’ll reward that with my own
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vulnerability so that we can have a
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moment of connection thank you for being
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brave thank you for volunteering
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something about yourself that takes
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courage i’m now going to reward that by
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doing the same from my side we’ve come
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to the table and set down our weapons
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but
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instead
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in so many situations someone lays down
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their weapons and the other person says
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advice
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instead of using the moment for humanity
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someone uses it for superiority and
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lastly number three
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listen
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and capture
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without a doubt one of the best pieces
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of advice for any date or any meeting
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with someone business two right because
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so much of this stuff works for job
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interviews it works for client meetings
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it works for pitch meetings
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this is stuff that is to do with
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attraction and not just in the romantic
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sense is being present
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being present with what someone is
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actually telling us
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which starts with asking questions
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in order to be present with what you’re
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telling me i need to ask questions i
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need to be curious about you in the
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first place now listening active
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listening really sort of tuning in to
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what someone is saying you ask a
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question and then you really listen
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instead of thinking about what you’re
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going to say next instead of thinking
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about how impressive your response is
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going to be instead of listening to
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someone who says that they went to a
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part of the world and going i’ve also
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been to a part of the world which we do
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all the time we call it story trumping
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finding a way to take their story and
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one-up them because you want to show
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that you’ve done that thing too or
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you’ve done something cool too i’m
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impressive too that’s a problem but
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really connecting is asking a question
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and then just
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listening to what they’re saying
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being impressed by something they’re
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saying being even more curious about
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what they’re saying or if you don’t
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understand what they’re saying asking
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another question but listening isn’t the
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only part of this the reason this
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particular part of this
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piece of content this video is listen
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and capture is because the capture part
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is really important i remember being in
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an interview or not an interviewer
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a meeting an initial kind of pitch
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meeting i suppose with a company called
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influex
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and there’s this wonderful gentleman
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over there called dima dima and his team
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were pitching to design my new website
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how to getguy.com go check it out it
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looks shiny and brand new because of
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everything that influex has done and
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it’s beautiful in the first meeting i
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had with them
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one of the things that stuck out to me
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was that dima got me to talk a lot he
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got me to talk about my vision he got me
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to talk about what i’m excited about he
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got me to talk about where i wanted
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my personal brand to go and what i
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wanted to do and
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he really looked to understand my
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current frustrations my goals what i’m
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trying to do where i’m trying to
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transition to all of it and he really
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listened along with his team wonderful
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team kind of three quarters of the way
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through the call
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dima
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repeated back to me
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what i had said
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in
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sort of his own words but also mine
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in a way that captured the essence of
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what i was getting at he said so
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let me understand you know let me make
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sure i understand you what you really
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want to do is and then he said this and
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this and this and this and you’re
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frustrated because right now blah blah
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blah what you’re really excited about is
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this and this is where you want things
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to go
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and i sat back and i went oh he gets it
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he
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gets it and it was that feeling that he
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got it that made me decide to go with
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them
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and not a different company because i
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went this person gets me
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they understand the essence of where i
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am right now
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the reason we’ve used this language
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capture jameson made this wonderful
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point about
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photographers
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that when we think of a great
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photographer
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we think of someone who’s captured the
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essence of a moment of a
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street corner of someone outside busking
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in new orleans of a moment between a
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mother and child we feel like
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we we complement them on their eye don’t
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we because there’s a sort of for a
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photographer there’s a listening period
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of course literally a watching period
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there’s a there’s a period of just
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what’s going on here what am i trying to
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capture and then there’s the moment of
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capture
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and when we look at a great
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photographer’s photo what we say is wow
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what a great eye
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that photographer has been able to see
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something
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and capture it in a way that other
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people couldn’t it’s their ability to
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capture the essence of the moment that
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makes them great well in conversation
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it’s our ability to capture the essence
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of somebody else or of what they have
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expressed to us
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that makes us
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truly stand out and be unforgettable to
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that person because they feel understood
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by us they feel we have perceived
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something about them that is not
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commonly perceived
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or that
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demonstrates an awareness of who they
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are in a short space of time because we
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really
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listened
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and that builds intimacy and intimacy
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makes you really hard to forget it makes
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you very hard to not call after the date
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because someone feels that you’ve really
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captured them
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now if you’re thinking to yourself but i
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you know if you get to a part of the
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date and you’re like i want to i want to
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recapitulate what they’ve said to me in
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a way that shows i understand them
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but i don’t feel i understand them well
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that’s a good litmus test because at
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that point you can ask more questions
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well what is it i don’t understand what
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is it i don’t know what is it that’s
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making it hard for me to sort of
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capture what they’ve said to me well i
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don’t really know what they quite meant
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by that well i don’t really know how
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they feel about that great you now know
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the next most pertinent questions to ask
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someone on a date that are gonna build
13:19
that connection let me know what you
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thought of this video in the comments
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i have something that i’m really really
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excited to give you right now
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because it’s so
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it’s it’s very raw it’s very vulnerable
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from my side but it’s something i know
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is really going to help you if there is
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someone you want to make an impression
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on in your life what i’m about to give
13:42
you was born
13:44
out of a radio appearance that i did now
13:47
this show that i did got an amazing
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response from people
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and we had thousands of tweets coming in
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and messages and the show got amazing
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feedback
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and my brother stephen called me
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afterwards and he said that was
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incredible
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he said you’ve made such an impression
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but i know that there were specific
14:07
things you did to prepare for that that
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people don’t know about you know people
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often think that you are sort of
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spontaneously impactful but they don’t
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realize that there are certain things
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that you’ve learned that they can learn
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too about how to have a massive impact
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in the first five minutes he said do you
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mind if i create a guide that
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expresses these that actually shows
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people what they are so that they can
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learn them
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and i okayed it and he went away and
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created this guide it’s called the first
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five minutes and what’s so cool about
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this guide is that it plays you the
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interview that i did
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and then it has stephen breaking down
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the things that i did in that interview
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that you can learn too whether you want
14:51
to apply it to making a huge impression
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on the first five minutes of a date
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a job interview a sales meeting a pitch
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meeting a client meeting
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wherever you know i want to maximize my
15:05
impact on someone when i meet with them
15:08
this is going to be a really valuable
15:12
set of techniques so go check it out
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it’s at first five guide dot com that’s
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the word first the number five
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guide dot com
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and um it’s a little vulnerable because
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it’s stephen
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psychoanalyzing me and my behavior but
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um it’s also really helpful i still to
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this day get dms about that show and
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stephen’s guide that broke it down from
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people who said i learned so much from
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steven’s breakdown
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so i look forward to hearing your
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feedback on this it’s at first5guide.com
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i’ll see you over there
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you

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This post was previously published on YouTube.

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