
How you feel about yourself affects how you behave in a relationship. It’s common for one partner to make it their job of keeping the other happy. Women aren’t the only ones needing to please in their unions.
Why complicate an issue? Why fight when you can accommodate your partner’s needs?
I know. Many people believe a healthy relationship is one without conflict. They think peace is the only way to make the honeymoon period last.
A relationship isn’t a house of cards.
Fights, disagreements, and unhappiness are a natural part of the journey. Avoiding doesn’t lead to happily ever after. Here are the mistakes people view as normal relationship behaviors.
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#1. Accommodating hurt
You can never do enough for some people. They aren’t at peace with themselves and won’t allow you to find any.
They will crush your joy because they can. You, in return, take pity on their situation. Make excuses for their hurtful words, attitude, and behavior.
Partners like this won’t leave you until their situation improves. They will stick around because you can help them. They will make you feel bad about your shortcomings.
It’s not normal to take abuse, even if someone is down in life. Accepting a spouse’s moodiness and disrespect can intensify their hurtful ways against you. There is also no guarantee the person will stay when their situation improves.
Avoid making excuses for how people treat you.
It’s not enough to commit to each other. How you treat each other matters.
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Photo by Helene Immel on Unsplash
#2. Quick reaction
I’ve seen many partners lose their temper over minor situations. They think it is noble to fight for their lover’s honor. When the heat of the moment wears off, they regret the decision.
Wanting to defend your partner shows you care. But how you come to their rescue can cause problems. Fighting brings more attention to the issue.
Choose to pause. Check in with your girlfriend (or boyfriend) about how they feel. Take their attention off the insulting situation. If possible, leave the venue.
Respond to things meant to trigger you with grace.
Every toxic moment doesn’t need you to lose your temper. Control your response to the unexpected.
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#3. Complaining
The practices of singles aren’t the best. But it doesn’t mean you can’t find a good person to love. Staying in a toxic relationship is the only sure way not to discover someone better.
If someone apologizes but won’t change their behavior, they are manipulating you.
It’s not enough to complain to a companion. This action? It places your friend in an awkward position to keep your dissatisfaction a secret.
Complaining won’t make you feel unstuck in your relationship. Instead, it prevents you from having tough conversations. Long-term unhappiness in your relationship isn’t the norm.
Consider your exit strategy, or how you will work to improve each other.
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Photo by Michael Easterling on Unsplash
#4. Overshare
Over-sharing is how you give your partner control over you. It leaks your power. The movie “Acrimony” is an excellent example of why you shouldn’t share specifics early.
- You can tell someone you’re wealthy without defining an amount.
- You can tell someone you’re well-connected without showing your contact list.
- You can tell someone about your past without sharing your plans for the future.
Details are the one thing couples use against each other in fights. Keep some things private until later in the relationship, even if you feel you can trust the person.
It never hurts to play it safe.
They can’t accuse you of lying by omission if you share details, but don’t give specifics.
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#5. Fight every time
You don’t have to get your partner to accept your views. Spouses can be independent thinkers. Supporting separate theories doesn’t mean you are enemies.
Of course, this is easy to say. But entertainment makes people emotional. Everyone wants their contacts to cheer for their favorite team.
The peaceful alternative? Let your partner exercise their free will. You don’t have to work to change their mind. Instead, sit in silence. And when you get the chance, discuss your point of view with other like-minded thinkers.
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Thank you for reading this post.
© Annie Wegner 2022-Present.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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Photo credit: Shutterstock.com
White Fragility: Talking to White People About Racism
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