We Are All Broken

We surrounded the man’s mobile home, evacuated the neighbors, and were waiting for the tactical team to get into position.

Our hostage negotiation detectives managed to get a “throw phone” into the rear of the man’s home, in the hopes he would pick it up and talk to us.

Sadly, he never did.

I was a young rookie cop back then. It was my first “suicidal, barricaded gunman” call. I was positioned on the perimeter of the man’s modest property, with instructions to keep onlookers away.

The man was elderly and, according to neighbors, suffered from chronic back pain and depression. He had several surgeries that failed to fix his back. As one neighbor put it later, “I think he just had enough. He was broken and unfixable.”

But in the end, one needs more courage to live than to kill himself. — Albert Camus

Hours went by. Efforts to talk to the man failed. And then we heard a gunshot, followed by smoke coming from within the mobile home.

SWAT team members forced entry into the home, where they found the man dead of a self-inflicted gunshot. He had started a fire in his room, but fire fighters were able to quickly extinguish the flames.

Afterward, I overheard several residents in the neighborhood. There were tears, hugging, and questions.

One woman said, “I knew he was struggling. I should have stopped by more.” An elderly gentleman chimed in, “Don’t blame yourself, sometimes people end up in a dark place. They can’t get out.”

It’s true. Sometimes people end up in a dark place and can’t get out.

Unless someone can shine a light for them.

Denial is the ultimate comfort zone

David Goggins knows what it’s like to be in a dark place. His father was a physically abusive alcoholic who beat Goggins and his mother.

As a child, Goggins was forced to work late into the evening at his father’s skate rink. Goggins would try to sleep on the skate rink’s office couch, only to get up early for school.

Goggins and his mother finally escaped his abusive father, but they were poor and Goggins bounced between schools. Being the only black kid in school he was often bullied and threatened.

There wasn’t a lot of light being shined in Goggins’s world until he met Sister Katherine.

Denial is the ultimate comfort zone. — David Goggins

Goggins and his mother moved in with his grandparents for six months, and they sent him to Annunciation, a small Catholic school. He was only 8 years old in the 2nd grade, and unable to read.

Sister Katherine was a small woman in her sixties, with a gold front tooth. She took no prisoners. She was gruff, no-nonsense, yet dedicated to her students.

In Goggins’s inspirational book “Can’t Hurt Me” he explains why Sister Katherine made a difference in his life:

She didn’t know my backstory and didn’t have to. All that mattered to her was that I turned up at her door with a kindergarten education, and it was her job to shape my mind. She had every excuse in the world to farm me out to some specialist or label me a problem, but that wasn’t her style. She started teaching before labeling kids was a normal thing to do, and she embodied the no-excuses mentality that I needed if I was going to catch up.

And catch up he did. Despite poverty, prejudice, physical abuse, obesity, and even a heart defect, Goggins went on to become a Navy SEAL and the world’s top endurance athlete.

A lot of Goggins’s philosophy is about helping yourself. He even says in his book:

No one is going to come help you. No one’s coming to save you. — David Goggins

In essence, what Goggins is saying is that if you’re in a dark place, you have to find the light within. There may be an occasional Sister Katherine to help light the way, but when she’s gone, then what?

The art of assisting discovery

Kind and caring people may come into our lives, and sometimes they can correct a wayward path. Many of us have been blessed by the love and kindness of others.

For me it was my high school journalism teacher, Helen Oreb. I was a shy, introverted high school freshman. My entire elementary school education had been in private schools, so I knew no one when I attended my local public high school.

I was an average student in high school, but Helen Oreb was quick to notice my greatest talent, which was drawing and cartooning. With Oreb’s urging, I became the high school newspaper’s editorial cartoonist.

The art of teaching is the art of assisting discovery. — Mark Van Doren

The campus newspaper was a place where I could fit in, and my self-esteem grew as fellow students complimented my cartoons. Just like David Goggins’s 2nd grade Sister Katherine, Helen Oreb believed in me. She shined a little light to lead the way.

There’s a lesson here for all of us. Every day, we interact with loved ones, friends, co-workers, and strangers. Every interaction is a chance to shine a light of encouragement and hope.

After all, there are wounded, broken people everywhere. We may not see their wounds, but we can usually tell when people are sad, struggling, or just not themselves.

The slightest light of encouragement and understanding tells people that they matter, that someone cares.

Most people never listen

Dan Milnor is a former photojournalist with a YouTube channel where he muses about photography, travel, exercise, the outdoors, van life, making photo books, culture, and more.

In a recent video post, Milnor returned from a road trip all over the United States. He admonished viewers to stop talking about “red states and blue states,” arguing that such terms are just media and political creations to further divide Americans.

Milnor said that every state is a mix of political persuasions. Sure, some states in the aggregate may swing red or blue, but such divisive and simplistic labeling misses the point. And the point is that people are far more interesting and complex than just their political orientation.

Milnor points out that people are different regionally. Don’t think that where you’re from is better. Milnor says that our mission statement should be to “listen to other people.”

I like to listen. I have learned a great deal from listening carefully. Most people never listen. — Ernest Hemingway

After all, we are all broken. Everyone has their stories, battles, and wounds. When we listen we give another the gift of attention. We show that we care and that they matter.

Listening is an act of kindness. To those who are wounded and maybe in a dark place, you’re shining a little light for them. Helping them find their way.

The place where the light enters you

Like everyone else, I’ve had experiences in life that wounded me. That made me feel broken.

People like my family, friends, and Helen Oreb (among others) shined a little light, leading me out of the darkness. So I’ve tried to pass it forward.

I do this by paying attention to others. I follow Dan Milnor’s advice and listen to other people. I try to shine a light.

The suicides I responded to as a young police officer taught me that darkness can win if we’re not careful. We constantly have to pay attention to our physical and mental health. And sometimes, that may require the help of professionals.

Time and maturity taught me that I could shine a light on my own darkness. Each trying time, personal loss, and medical challenge taught me that wounds are not only survivable but instructive.

The wound is the place where the Light enters you. — Rumi

The light that Rumi is talking about has to do with knowledge, experience, deeper understanding, acceptance, hope, and God.

It’s the hard knocks of life that shape us. They helped shape who David Goggins became. They shaped me, and they’ll shape you.

Try to remember this when the darkness intrudes in your life.

Before you go

I’m John P. Weiss, the author of “An Artful Life: Inspirational Stories and Essays for the Artist in Everyone.” To follow my writing, artwork, and black & white photography, sign up for my free Saturday Newsletter here.

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This post was previously published on Medium.

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Photo credit: Ales Dusa on Unsplash