Your social circle may be a fairy-tale castle, and today we will destroy it. You did read the title correctly. Why? Because I’m going to give you some icy, unflinching realities about friendships that may prompt you to call a “friend intervention.”
Because most of your supposed buddies aren’t your pals, spoiler warning.
1. The “Friendship” Illusion
What is a friend, first and foremost? A “person whom one knows and has a bond of mutual affection with,” blah, blah, blah, according to the dictionary.
The sad truth is that many of the individuals we call friends are more like “pleasant acquaintances,” i.e., they like your posts and might even email you on your birthday, but they wouldn’t come over to help you move your sofa on a Sunday morning. Unlikely.
Let’s go a little more specific by adding some psychology, since who doesn’t enjoy brainy phrases that make them appear intelligent at dinner parties?
According to the Social Exchange Theory, relationships are decided upon by your subconscious mind’s cost-benefit calculations. If you think the benefits (emotional support, companionship, etc.) outweigh or balance the drawbacks (time, effort, emotional work), you’ll keep your connections.
Considering your emotional commitment to all of your connections, are you truly getting rich rewards? If not, you may only be a stockholder in a ship that is sinking.
2. The Dunbar Number
Remember the time you thought you were so well-liked on Facebook because you had 500 friends?
Robin Dunbar, an evolutionary psychologist, asserts that only 150 individuals at once can be in a stable social connection with you.
This figure, known as Dunbar’s Number, was not chosen at random; rather, it was determined by cognitive constraints and the amount of time required to sustain meaningful connections.
3. Fair-Weather Friends & Frenemies
Okay, now that we’ve crushed your hopes of being the most well-known person since TikTok’s creator, let’s talk about the kinds of “not-so-real” pals you’re likely stockpiling like pointless phone applications.
Fair-Weather Friends: These people are like umbrellas that only open and close in the sun. They’re all about the good times, but when you’re having trouble, they disappear faster than your salary during a sale.
Frenemies: These are the people you believe to be on your side, yet surprise, surprise, they are not. They are the ones who gossip more quickly than butter on toast or side-eye you with such intensity that you can feel it in your spirit.
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Signs to Spot a Real Friend
- They are emotionally available and provide you with more than simply a nod of the head.
- They stay in your life consistently; they don’t yo-yo in and out.
- Respect for one another, Like They accept you for who you are, faults and all.
- Mutual investment means that friendship isn’t a one-way path.
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The Quality Over Quantity Doctrine
Do you recall the childhood friend you pinky-promised would become your best friend? You two may have outgrown one another.
And that’s OK. Like all relationships, friendships change with time.
Your friendships should be valued more for their quality than for their quantity.
Research continually demonstrates the significant emotional and even physical benefits of having a small, close-knit group of friends.
Even having only a few close pals might be more advantageous than making hundreds of acquaintances.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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From The Good Men Project on Medium
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Photo credit: Hiki App on Unsplash
