In many relationships, things are easy and smooth sailing. Communication is straightforward, the person is honest with you, and you simply get along with each other. But unfortunately, with some people, this isn’t always the case. In fact, relationships can sometimes be complete nightmares. If you find yourself walking on eggshells just to talk with them or they’re unpredictable and passive-aggressive, they might have a secret agenda. They might be trying to control your feelings and use you to get what they want.
Here are 10 signs someone is playing mind games with you:
1. They Use Your Feelings Against You
Manipulative people want control over your life and don’t truly care about or love you. A telltale sign that you’re in a relationship with someone like this is that you’re often worried, anxious, confused, or feel off around them. This is because they enjoy playing with your emotions and knocking you off balance, so they have an easier time overruling you. If they find out you’re insecure over the way you look, they might start complimenting your friend’s appearance right in front of you and even tease you over what you’re wearing.
2. They Compare You to Other People
Your friend comparing your hairstyle to the way one of your classmates wears her hair is probably a harmless observation. But when someone frequently compares you negatively to those around you, it could be that they’re trying to manipulate you. If you’re dating someone and they often make comments like, “My last girlfriend didn’t mind me being late” or “Why don’t you dress the way she dresses,” this might be a red flag. Without expressing themselves honestly, they’re trying to push you in a direction you don’t want to go.
3. They Refuse to Give You Compliments
Some people are shy and find it hard to tell you what they like about you. But if you’re in a relationship with someone who never gives you a kind word now and again and acts as if your good qualities don’t exist, they might be trying to test you. If your partner doesn’t seem to recognize your new earrings, thank you for dinner, or mentions nothing about how you clean the house, this could be a sign they’re measuring your breaking point. If this is the case, they want to see how frustrated you’ll become so they can gauge your reaction. This isn’t what someone who loves you would do, is it?
4. They Ask You Lots of Basic Questions
This usually happens more towards the start of the relationship. Is someone you know constantly bombarding you with simple questions like, “How many siblings do you have?” or “How long have you had that phone?” It’s possible that they may not care and are trying to test your level of honesty as they don’t feel it needs to be kept secret. Later, they might start asking you repetitive or similar questions over and over. This usually means they’re playing with your mind and fishing for in-depth information only to potentially use against you later.
5. They Disappear Often
They spend 30 minutes complaining to you over the phone about how they had a bad day at work. After you patiently listen and share your condolences, you have a really difficult day of your own. You text them about it and never get a response for days, then weeks. Hide and seek is a common action of someone who is playing mind games with you. They hang around when they can use you to their advantage or for their own entertainment. But if there’s nothing they think they’ll benefit from, like clockwork, they’re conveniently nowhere to be found.
6. They Don’t Fulfill Their Promises
We all forget things. You can’t expect someone to be 100 percent consistent with their actions and words, always aligning with each other. But is your partner constantly claiming they’ll take you out on a vacation or for a fancy meal but never do? Maybe their schedules aren’t open or they currently can’t afford it. But what if they’re lying? People who play mind games like to string you along with a carrot and stick. They’ll try to convince you that they’ll provide you with wonderful things as long as you keep following their orders, only to yank them away at the last minute.
7. They Play the Jealousy Game
People who manipulate and practice mind games are insecure, and their lives are often messy. This is what drives them to try and control others. If your girlfriend is always bringing up positive things about her ex-boyfriend, she’s likely trying to get a reaction out of you. If you respond upset when your partner tries this tactic, it reassures them that you still love them, all the while disregarding the way that you feel. Someone who truly loves you won’t go out of their way to agitate you for their own personal gain.
8. They Confuse You
Sometimes communication between us and others isn’t always clear. Our terminology is not invariably the same, and the meanings behind the words we use may be slightly different from those we speak to. But are you always second-guessing and questioning yourself with one specific person? Confusion and gaslighting are some of the most prime weapons manipulators will use against you. Be aware of phrases like, “I already told you that, don’t you remember?” and “No, I didn’t tell you to do that,” when you’re absolutely positive you know that what they’re saying isn’t true.
9. The Silent Treatment
When you’re not behaving the way they want you to, a manipulative person often resorts to the silent treatment or threatens to leave you. They’ll stop reaching out, won’t answer your calls, and ignore your texts right up until you become anxious enough to give in to their demands. That being said, why would you even want to be with someone who pulls stuff like this with you?
10. They Suddenly Start Complimenting You Excessively
This is where it gets tricky. Lack of complementing, as we said earlier, is a potential sign of mind games. But if out of nowhere, they start praising you, whether it be for your skills, talents, or looks, after a prolonged period of not doing so, you might not want to give in to their words so quickly. If they notice you’ve been backing away from them, they could be trying to allure you and pull you back into their zone. Once you’re there, though, they’ll eventually resort to their old ways of mind games and manipulations again.
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Do you think someone’s been playing mind games with you? What are some of the things they did that gave them away? Let us know in the comments below.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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From The Good Men Project on Medium
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Photo credit: behrouz sasani on Unsplash
