I was at the peak of my creativity and I understood why I had become a lighting designer: I was good at it but it also entered my soul as my life’s work. I look back on it with pride and a sense of satisfaction that I have contributed something significant to the world.
As I move into chapter three and past the halfway point in my story it will be helpful to pause and consider where I am in my journey.
I no longer played small in the world, I allowed my presence to liberate others.
I moved on from my anxieties by appealing to a higher power, by looking beyond myself.
This period was a crucial turning point in my life and in my understanding of myself. I was unable to help others involved, something that has upset me ever since.
I lived with my fear of responsibility and set about building my personal strength and power behind it.
I have looked, previously, at the shift brought about by a growing family, one that moved my focus from me to the others in my life.
The significance of my encounter with birds in my garden this morning.
As what I set about developing is passed on to my grandchildren, and as they eventually pass it on to their children, I will see the chain of domination and control being broken.
My loneliness ensured my isolation from influences that could have overwhelmed me. I was lonely with a purpose.
The end of my decade of freedom came when I met a girl and fell in love.
In the decade between the mid-sixties and the mid-seventies I was out in the world enjoying a sense of freedom.
I may have been lost but I knew how to dull the ache.
I had no sense of identity, either in relation to who I was, or who I wanted to be.
The need to dominate or control shifted into a desire to influence which then, in its turn, became a love of teaching and inspiring.
A Journey from Loneliness to Aloneness.