I lived with my fear of responsibility and set about building my personal strength and power behind it.
I have looked, previously, at the shift brought about by a growing family, one that moved my focus from me to the others in my life.
The significance of my encounter with birds in my garden this morning.
As what I set about developing is passed on to my grandchildren, and as they eventually pass it on to their children, I will see the chain of domination and control being broken.
My loneliness ensured my isolation from influences that could have overwhelmed me. I was lonely with a purpose.
The end of my decade of freedom came when I met a girl and fell in love.
In the decade between the mid-sixties and the mid-seventies I was out in the world enjoying a sense of freedom.
I may have been lost but I knew how to dull the ache.
I had no sense of identity, either in relation to who I was, or who I wanted to be.
The need to dominate or control shifted into a desire to influence which then, in its turn, became a love of teaching and inspiring.
A Journey from Loneliness to Aloneness.
I realise that I am not able to completely throw away what was central to me when I was young, no matter how much I now understand it was wrong.
I was sitting in my room contemplating a blank future, one I had not been prepared for.
I will always have inside me the need to control and the tendency to anger, I have dad to thank for that.
I learned to seek something that had a sense of purpose, I will never stop seeking but I have stopped hiding.
Continuing my story with my physical existence and how my body tried to rule me.