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Starting a new relationship is exciting, but don’t let the butterflies keep you from having important conversations. Talking about safe sex is a crucial part of a relationship, yet many new couples avoid the topic.
Granted, having a conversation about sexually transmitted infections and birth control isn’t exactly romantic. However, it will ensure that you remain healthy. This article will prepare you for the discussion. Then you and your partner can walk away from the talk feeling ready to run to the bedroom.
1. Do Your Research
Before talking about safe sex, make sure you understand the topic. There are a lot of misconceptions surrounding STIs. For example, not everyone knows how STIs are spread or how common they are.
The CDC estimates that 1 in 5 Americans have an STI. That number might surprise you, but not all sexually transmitted infections have visible symptoms. These can be easily missed and, therefore, easily passed on, but an at home STI test can help you know where you stand in regards to your sexual health.
Understanding more about STIs will help you broach the topic with your partner. If there are things they don’t know, you can answer their questions with credible information.
2. Prepare Your Questions
It’s a good idea to plan out some questions before diving in. This will keep you on track and ensure you walk away from the conversation with the information you need. Take some time to decide what you want to learn from your partner.
Here are a few possible questions to ask:
- Do you have, or have you had, an STI?
- When was the last time you were tested?
- Are you sleeping with other people?
- How often do you practice safe sex, and what does practicing safe sex mean to you?
Don’t just jot down questions for your partner, though; write out the information you’re willing to share as well. After all, this should be a conversation, not an interview.
3. Know Your Boundaries
This is something you should figure out before talking to your partner about safe sex. Understanding your own boundaries will help you avoid uncomfortable situations.
For example, if you don’t enjoy certain aspects of sex, tell your partner. Then stand firm about your preferences. If you’re uncomfortable with your partner seeing other people while also seeing you, make sure you tell them. If you don’t want to have sex until they get tested for HIV, speak up.
Your partner may disagree with your boundaries. If so, you can explain them, but don’t give in. Compromise is important in a relationship, but you should never compromise your safety or comfort. Remember that the clearer you make your feelings, the fewer miscommunications there will be.
4. Create a Comfortable Environment
There’s no denying that this type of conversation can be uncomfortable. Even if you’ve known your partner for years, talking about sex can be intimidating. Discussing it with a new partner is even more so.
That means that being prepared should be about more than having the right facts and statistics. It should also be about creating a comfortable environment for you and your new love interest.
Don’t bring this conversation up in a crowded place or when your partner shows up after a stressful workday. Avoid having this conversation via text or — worse — a social media platform. You also shouldn’t spring the topic on your significant other out of the blue. If you want it to go well, you both should have time to prepare.
5. Have the Talk Soon — And Keep Having It
You might be wondering when you should bring this all up. After all, talking about safe sex might not be the sexiest first-date topic. But that doesn’t mean you should wait for your six-month anniversary to discuss it. The best time to talk about safe sex is before you have sex!
As your relationship progresses physically, you should continue to talk about sex with your partner. Fortunately, this gets easier — or at least more common — as people get older.
According to a survey, over half of 35- to 54-year-olds communicate with their partners about sex on a weekly basis. For over a third of 18- to 24-year-olds, though, those talks occur just once or twice a year. Boundaries and opinions change, especially about sex. So make sure you keep checking in with one another.
6. Deal With Differences
Chances are, you two will experience a conflict while talking about safe sex. That’s common and normal. You and your partner aren’t going to have the same opinions on everything, and that’s OK.
What matters in the discussion is that you both listen to, and respect, what the other party says. For example, maybe your partner doesn’t want to get tested for an STI. When you explain why it’s important to you, hopefully, they’ll change their tune because they know it matters to you. (Or they’ll do it because they know you won’t have sex with them until they do!)
If there’s respect between the two of you, you’ll be able to navigate your differences in opinion. You may even come out on the other side feeling better about the relationship.
7. Reflect After the Talk
Unfortunately, the reality is that talking about safe sex with your partner could end your relationship. Why? Because if your partner isn’t willing to practice safe sex, they probably don’t care about their health or yours.
Asking when your partner was last tested for HIV is a reasonable question. It could be a red flag if they won’t answer you. You and your partner should be able to have an open dialogue about sexual health, even if it’s uncomfortable. If you can’t, you should take some time to reflect on your relationship. It might not be healthy or good for you.
On the other hand, it’s a great sign if you and your partner can talk openly about safe sex. Chances are, your relationship will only get stronger.
According to research, STIs are becoming more prevalent in the United States. The fact that they sometimes don’t exhibit symptoms only makes them easier to spread. For example, three of the most common STIs — human papillomavirus (HPV), chlamydia, and gonorrhea — aren’t always symptomatic.
Because of this fact, STIs are easily passed from one person to another. Don’t risk it! Take care of yourself and your partner. By talking to your significant other about safe sex, you can avoid becoming a statistic.
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