This Is the Real Reason He or She Doesn’t Text You Back

If I got a penny every time I heard someone ask, why a love interest hasn’t texted back. I would have been an exceedingly rich man by now.

It makes me wonder, what is it about this specific question?

Over and over, day in and day out, someone somewhere right now is obsessively thinking about this very thing.

Ruminating on what they said or did, the hows and whys that led to them being ignored.

Everything seemed to go so well. We felt so connected. They seemed interested. These are some of the questions a person on the receiving end often asks.

Perhaps they even were texting promptly before, and then gradually the texting becomes more erratic and eventually grounds to a halt. Or, it could be they just vanished, like a fart in the wind.

It’s perfectly normal to feel confused. The feeling of wanting some kind of explanation for why they stopped is mentally crippling. I have been there too, and I understand your frustration.

Overthinking everything won’t help the situation, if anything it’s a waste of energy.

There are only two scenarios that explain why anyone new is ignoring you.

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It’s an Emergency

The least likely and best-case scenario is there is a legitimate reason for the absence or delay. Maybe they fell critically ill, or a family or emergency came up that warrants not being able to get back to you.

Take note; I did not mention being busy for non-emergency reasons as a valid excuse. There is no such thing as “busy”. There is only a matter of priorities. Even the busiest people are never busy 100% of a 24h cycle. They still need to eat, sleep, take a dump and even wind down from time to time throughout the day.

There is a lot of debate about texting etiquette and how long to reply and wait for a message. As a general rule, most people agree a day is more than enough time to send a response.

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They Have a Low-Interest Level, Period; End Of Story

You can rationalize all you like on good reasons they don’t reply. Cognitive denial can be a real bummer. In most cases, we instinctively know when we are experiencing unrequited love, but because of our egos, we find rationalizations to help us sleep better at night.

The bottom line, and most likely scenario in 99% of cases; when you don’t hear from someone new within 24h, they are NOT interested in you.

Think about it for a second.

If you met someone who you like, and you felt a strong magnetic attraction to them. Would you ignore their messages? Or would you not respond with keenness promptly? Now, it doesn’t mean you should always respond immediately, after all, you still have a life to live. But it does mean you will want to respond at a minimum within a day.

You certainly wouldn’t ghost them. That would be unthinkable.

People are not that complicated to figure out. We behave similarly to each other. If you and I value someone, we desire to be in their presence, whether it be in real life or online.

There are exceptions to the low-interest caveat, nothing is set in stone in life.

When dealing with someone who you have been dating for a few months or even someone you are in a relationship with, it’s okay to cut them some slack. Especially if they have been consistent prior.

The Solution

When you don’t hear from the person you are interested in within 24h after sending a message, the best policy is to move on. Don’t double text or ask them reasons they are not responding. It will only push them away further. Their silence is already a response in its own right. Too many people fear confrontation that can arise with having to express they are not interested, so avoidance is an easier route out.

After a few days or weeks if they do finally reply, pay special close attention to the first few statements they spout out.

They will either be apologetic or behave as nothing has happened.

A lack of an apology would mean this kind of behavior is normal to them. It shows a lack of concern for your feelings. You would have to ask yourself if this is the type of person you want in your life. I personally would not be okay having someone around me who can disappear at the drop of a hat, only to pop back into my life when they feel it’s convenient for them.

If the answer is the former, it’s best to give them one more chance if you feel it’s worth it. Not everyone is perfect, and it could be an innocent lapse in mindfulness on their part.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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