We’re at a cultural crossroads in which we’re forced to look critically at how we raise our boys. Now more than ever, we need broader representations of what it means to be male.
When my preschool son told me that “boys don’t cry” three years ago, my heart sank. I remember thinking to myself, “We live in a progressive town, we talk endlessly about feelings at home, and I’m a therapist for goodness sake — how did this happen?”
Then came a light bulb moment: If kids learned through play, where are the toys that encourage boys to express feelings? They didn’t exist, and their absence was sending the message to many boys that this type of play or this way of being wasn’t for them.
Fast-forward: I created Wonder Crew dolls inspired by boys, to help expand the definition of masculinity. I wanted to send a new message to boys, one that said yes, you can be kind, caring, nurturing, emotional, and adventurous, strong, creative and more — a message that that moved beyond gender stereotypes and encouraged all aspects of their identity.
Friendship is a basic human need, it’s so simple yet often underscored and under-nurtured in boys. We joke about male friendships, especially the deeper ones. Affection between boys seems to make many uncomfortable. Meanwhile, we socialize girls to cultivate loving friendships by being open and vulnerable. Boys don’t get the same message. Instead, at a certain age, many feel pressure to become tough and self-reliant. Studies show that strong relationships along with the ability to connect emotionally are keys to happiness and health.
Want to decrease bullying and see a more balanced generation of kids? Teach empathy, cultivate kindness and encourage healthy relationships. Imagine if all kids got the message early on that vulnerability offered emotional resilience and strength?
At Wonder Crew, we celebrate friendship, because learning to be a friend and have a friend is basically everything.
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Laurel Wider is a psychotherapist with a speciality in gender, relationships and identity. She’s also a mom and creator of Wonder Crew, dolls inspired by boys. She’s drawn to change-making projects that challenge and disrupt, for the good.
