Fathers, our relationships with our daughters start out simply enough. They come into the world as sweet little girls who quickly have us wrapped around their fingers. We love them and they adore us.
All this seems to change overnight as they enter their teen years. Your once joyful, outgoing and cooperative daughter transforms into a sullen, withdrawn and argumentative person. Suddenly it seems you can’t do anything right. Her friends’ opinions matter more than yours and you seemingly stop being the best man in her life once she starts noticing boys.
Before you write off your father-daughter relationship, remember that the teen years serve a purpose. Your daughter is starting to assert her independence and individuality and if you pay attention, you’ll catch glimpses of the beautiful woman she’s becoming.
Still, it can be tough to remain loving and supportive when you both butt heads continuously and she keeps pushing you away. So how can you resolve these seemingly insurmountable differences and keep your relationship intact?
- Hear her out. Let your daughter have her say, no matter how difficult it might be to listen. And when she talks, pay attention, ask questions and show interest. Doing so shows that you value her opinion and it does great things for her self-confidence.
- Be patient with her. Look, your girl knows how to push your buttons and sometimes it might seem that she just picks fights for fun. But remain calm and do your best not to be drawn into pointless arguments. Your calmness will help her realize that a confrontational approach isn’t always the answer to issues.
- Get interested in her world. Try to get what life is like for her. If she’s obsessed with certain TV shows, apps, boys or friends try and understand why she finds them so fascinating. It might be an eye-opener for you and your interest might get her to open up more.
- Respect her privacy. While it might be tempting to scroll through her social media accounts, read her journal or snoop through her room, don’t give in. Show her that you respect her boundaries and she will trust you. Just don’t ignore any red flags.
- Hang out with her. Spending time with your daughter is vital to keeping your relationship strong. Carve out time weekly to hang out with her and do something that you both enjoy.
- Watch what you say. What you tell your daughter remains with her especially during this delicate time in her life. Criticism and careless words can cause lifelong damage to her esteem and confidence so use your words to build, not destroy, her.
- Apologize when necessary. You’re human and you’ll make mistakes sometimes. Apologizing whenever you wrong your daughter shows her that you put your relationship above your ego and pride. It also sets a good example for her to emulate.
- Help her problem-solve and find solutions. When something goes wrong in your teen’s life, sit down with her and brainstorm possible solutions to the problem. Ask them to come up with strategies and help out where you can.
Above all, remain supportive, understanding and offer unconditional love.
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This post is republished on Medium.
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Photo credit: iStock