I had an interesting conversation with a friend not too long ago. His sister has three sons and their biological father is no longer in the picture. His sister makes ends meet on her own, without the help of child support. She also functions well as a single parent. Her sons don’t have a father figure in their lives – except for the interactions they have with their incredible uncle.
Thankfully, my friend’s nephews are doing really well. The oldest just started high school and is on the Varsity football team. The middle is taking advanced classes and is already picking out colleges long before he needs to do so. The youngest just won an award for artistic excellence and is going to be showcased in a national exhibit.
Hearing my friend talk about them was like listening to him discuss his own kids. And you know what? He was…he has been there for them from the beginning and acted as a father figure in ways that their actual father never has.
The Critical Nature of Father Figures
Being a father means more than just creating new lives. It is about commitment, influence, and love. Research into dozens of studies done on the topic in the US and UK in 2008 found a marked correspondence between those who had father figures (whether biological or not) and their success in education, likelihood to get into trouble with police and more.
What makes a father figure? Any influential male in a child’s life. That could be an uncle, a family friend, a teacher, a step-father…anyone who shows up and works to be supportive of that kid and their dreams and everyday life.
More enlightened men have long since seen the benefit of acting as a mentor to modern youth. Now we are beginning to see how important that process really is.
Like all parents, you are going to make mistakes as you take on this role in a child’s life. But when it comes down to it, all you really need to do is three simple things:
- Be Truly Present – I keep hearing this saying that 90% of being a father is just showing up. Who made that rule?! Most of being a father, or father figure, is showing up and being present. That means available both physically and emotionally.
- Show That You Care – The Beatles said, “Love is all you need”. That may not be entirely true, but it isn’t a bad guideline to follow in life. Showing love and care to the children in your life will give them a feeling of assurance, self-esteem, and safety.
- Offer Genuine and Sincere Support – Kids go through a lot as they grow. They should know you are in their corner, no matter what. Show them that you want them to succeed by helping them do it.
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This story has been republished to Medium.