To let a gay kid join but to prevent gay adults sends a mixed message.
Editor’s note: In late April, former Scout Brent Almond shared his thoughts on the proposed amendment to end the ban on gay scouts. Now they have. “The Boy Scouts of America (BSA) have lifted their ban on gay kids and teens by a vote of more than 60% of the 1,400 delegates who met at The National Council in Grapevine, Texas. The ban on gay leaders however, was not put to a vote and still remains BSA policy,” Kathryn DeHoyos reported here. Brent reacted below, followed by the original post.
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The Boy Scouts have moved a little further out of the last century with this vote. Considering where they came from, it is progress… of sorts. It was a mixed decision, that garnered mixed support and elicited mixed reactions. Most importantly, it sends a mixed message to the young men the BSA so emphatically and repeatedly stated were at the heart of this decision. Particularly to the gay ones.
The message? Please join us. We accept you. Please devote your entire youth to us, so we can train you to be a responsible and well-rounded member of society. Congratulations, here’s your Eagle Award, our highest honor, bestowed on only the most dedicated and honorable Scouts. What’s that? You’d like to take all this knowledge and character and experience we’ve taught you and pass that on to the next generation of Scouts? I’m sorry, you no longer meet our standards. Have you perhaps considered the US Military? Or the Girls Scouts for that matter?
I feel bad for the Boy Scouts of America. I understand this was a difficult, near no-win scenario, with the potential to lose funding, members and respect from both sides of the issue. But where they’ll really feel the loss is not having the trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean and reverent LGBT leaders who would bring so much to their organization.
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Here’s the original post:
Being gay and a former Scout, I’ve followed the Boy Scouts of America and their stance on LGBT members very closely. I was excited by the initial prospect of the BSA opening their membership, and later, angrily duped by their back-pedaling.
So: Gay Scouts allowed. Gay leaders not.
Seriously?!? Of all the half-assed, blatantly insulting, meandering bullshit—
After regaining composure, I started to think about the execution of this: So while LGBT youth can no longer be banned or kicked out for being gay, the real menace (sex-having gay adults) is still kept safely outside the camp. Logistically, what does this mean? Would an openly gay Scout have to hand over his sash upon turning 18? Be rejected when applying for a leadership role? Forced to wear a pink triangle badge once he lost his virginity?
This change doesn’t offer acceptance to anyone. To tell a gay (or secretly questioning) kid they’re allowed to join/remain, but that a gay or lesbian adult is unfit to be a leader, a bad influence, unworthy — is in actuality a backhanded shove into the closet. A scare tactic.
Jennifer Tyrrell, the lesbian Scout leader forced out as leader of her 7 year-old son’s Cub Scout den in April 2012, released a statement earlier this year about the amendment:
“One year after sending a letter ousting me as my son’s leader, the Boy Scouts are once again forcing me to look my children in the eyes and tell them that our family isn’t good enough. My heart goes out to the young adults in Scouting who would be able to continue as Scouts if this is passed, but then be thrown out when they reach the age to become leaders.”
While my reaction seems prevalent among the LGBT community, I was curious to hear from those “working from within” who felt this was genuinely a step in the right direction.
Kathy and Sharisse are both mothers of current Scouts and heavily involved in their local organizations in Kentucky and Tennessee, respectively. They are also both strong advocates for LGBT equality.
Sharisse serves as Committee Chair of her 10 year-old son’s Webelo pack. She speaks of her primary concerns — the Scouts themselves:
“I’m looking at the new policy as a positive move in the right direction. It immediately addresses and corrects my most pressing concern: Boys who have done all the work to attain their Eagle ranking will be able to receive the highest award in scouting. The path to Eagle takes a considerable amount of work and focus to complete. For this reason, I’m thrilled with the Board’s decision. If you do the work, you get the reward… a valuable life lesson.”
Kathy, whose son is an Eagle Scout, comes from a large family with a long history of involvement in Scouts. She shares Sharisse’s opinion — that the BSA, being a youth organization, has made a good first step in addressing this issue as it applies to the boys themselves.
Kathy revealed how this new policy has been received internally. She and her son took part in an official BSA survey regarding the LGBT policy. They later received an email with the results: In a summary of the findings, it said respondents overall supported the BSA’s current policy of excluding gays by a margin of 61 percent to 34 percent, while a majority of younger parents and teens opposed the policy.
Sharisse gives additional insight into the current makeup of Scouting families, “All of us in scouting already know many active gay parents who are involved with their kids’ activities and volunteer to keep the organization going. Scouting relies 100% on parent volunteers to lead each Pack and Troop. Given the views of the new generation of parents enrolling their Cubs now, it is not a matter of IF but WHEN an official decision will allow for total inclusion. I will stand steadfast with the BSA and not abandon it to wither into an obsolete group with old ways of thinking.”
I hear and appreciate these perspectives. And I admire Kathy and Sharisse’s patience, as well as their admonishment to me (and many others who are frustrated) to be patient.
I realize we can’t go charging in half-cocked and expect people to listen. But patience has to be partnered with persistence. Patience alone leads nowhere. Without the impatience and indignation of those being rejected, there wouldn’t be a discussion in the first place. And absolutely NO change. Not even this half-step attempt to appease both sides.
To be clear, I’m not rooting for the demise of the Boy Scouts. If I didn’t value the lessons and experiences I gained during my time as both a Cub and Boy Scout, I wouldn’t bother debating the issue in the first place. As I stated at the start, I’m personally invested. In addition to being a former Scout and gay, I’m also the father of a 3 year-old boy whose current favorite activity is to pretend he’s camping. I hope my son — and his Dad — get the chance to be included, adding some much-needed diversity to its already rich legacy.
Talking to these true Scouting “insiders” has given me hope. I and other LGBT Americans don’t have the opportunity to change the organization from within, and Sharisse, Kathy and others like them won’t every fully understand what it’s like to be excluded. But through dialog, both sides — which are working towards the same goal, by the way — can benefit from each other’s perspective, combining a collective persistence and patience to bring about true and purposeful change for the Boy Scouts of America.
As I finished my conversation with Kathy, I told her to keep prodding from the inside, and I’ll keep poking on the outside. She said we had a deal, but that she wanted a picture of me in a uniform when the BSA fully embraces LGBT Scouts, leaders and parents.
I hope to deliver something even better — a picture of me, my son AND my husband, all wearing those god-awful red and green knee socks with pride…and a little extra flair.
Another thought I just shared with someone on Facebook, who was more in the “This is great progress” camp:
I think this can easily be compared to “trying to turn the Titanic around.” It’s a slow, painstaking process, with people cheering from the front (“You can do it! Great job! Keep going!”) and pushing from the back (“Hurry up! You’re sinking! You’re leaving people behind!”) I’m in more of a pushy mood on this one, but I’m glad the cheerleaders are here as well.
Perfectly stated as usual Brent. Some call this progress, but it’s not enough. Not nearly enough.
Well-written, Brent. And you’re right. I’m sure they will soon realize that they can’t get away with half-assing this and will either accept all or retract and face a serious sh!t storm. This is a story that is far from over.
By the way, the green and red sock comment made me laugh out loud. Very funny. Those things are horrible, lol.
Thanks Brandon. I’m sure they’re hoping the media storm will die down for a while before they have to dive into this subject of the leaders, but hopefully folks will keep prodding them in a desire to make them a better, well-rounded organization.
And yeah, the uniforms were clearly not designed by a gay man. Except for maybe the sash. 😉
The green knee socks with thick red stripe are gone now. There are still knee socks but they’re all green. Though I hear the green and red ones are making a retro comeback. I hope not, I hated those things…
“But patience has to be partnered with persistence. Patience alone leads nowhere. Without the impatience and indignation of those being rejected, there wouldn’t be a discussion in the first place. And absolutely NO change. Not even this half-step attempt to appease both sides.”
Nailed it. Bravo Brent.
Thanks John. 🙂 If we all keep at it, it will be a much greater experience when our kids are Scouts age — see you at a National Jamboree, perhaps?