Having a baby changes pretty much everything. For the last nine months, you’ve heard all about how the kid will change your life. You may not be as aware of how it will impact your partner. While giving birth to a child can be an enormously rewarding experience, it’s also extremely difficult.
The doctors and nurses only stick around for the delivery. Your partner needs support, and you are the perfect person to give it to her.
You are a new father. You’ve taken your paternity leave to get to know the new kiddo. You want to take care of the baby. They prepared you for that. All the dirty diapers and “you’ll never sleep again,” jokes gave you a rough idea of what you’d experience. What people didn’t mention is that your partner went through a lot in that delivery room. She is thrilled to have the baby, of course, but things are different now. Hard. During your time off from work, be sure to also care for the person who brought the baby into the world.
What Happens to a Person’s Body During and After Childbirth?
In the birthing room, your partner’s body goes through a long (really, very long) series of contractions that are designed to tighten and relax their uterus in the hopes of forcing the baby out. This process is commonly referred to as labor because it is hard work. These contractions may continue even after the baby is born.
During labor, the cervix also dilates to make it easier for the baby to pass through the birthing canal. Even with dilation, there may still be tearing in the skin between the vagina and the anus. The nurse or doctor may even need to deliberately cut the skin to help the baby out. The procedure is called an episiotomy.
While you were standing there saying, “What am I supposed to— yes that’s right, you’re doing great honey,” your partner was literally being torn apart.
If, instead, your partner had a c-section, they likely received two abdominal cuts. One to separate their muscles and access the uterus, and then another into the uterus wall so that the baby can be retrieved.
It all sounds bad, but what does it mean?
It means that your partner is in pain, and they are going to be in pain for some time. Some of the changes may be small. Their belly might be soft and wrinkly for a few weeks, or months, or even longer than that. It could also be more serious. They may need stitches and antibiotics. In some cases, even blood transfusions.
Childbirth is so commonplace that people forget how physically traumatic it can be. Make sure you allow your partner to recover physically from her birthing experience.
What Happens Emotionally
The emotional element of postpartum life is difficult to comment on because the range of experience is so broad. Virtually all mothers report at least a little bit of the “post-baby blues.” For the majority of people, this can range from mood swings to a general sense of melancholy.
The experience is mostly a matter of hormones. Their body is producing all of these chemicals when they are pregnant. Then, one day, it stops. Like the really bad whiplash, you can get from the brakes on a rollercoaster.
I read that line to my partner. She says that hormones are nothing at all like brakes on a rollercoaster.
For some women, the transition from pregnancy into motherhood is a little bit more challenging. Postpartum depression impacts about one in seven women and can precede a lifelong struggle with depression.
Symptoms include insomnia, irritability, and even a hard time connecting with the baby. If your partner seems to be suffering from postpartum depression, it is important for them to seek professional help immediately.
What You Can Do
If all of this sounds a little bit overwhelming, we understand. It’s important to take care of your partner after childbirth, but figuring out what to do is easier said than done. All women are different, and the boundaries that they set post-birth will depend on their unique needs. Your job may be to wait on them hand and foot. They earned that much, right? It may, instead, be to keep your distance and stay up with the new kid so they can get a decent night of sleep.
You may even find yourself fulfilling the role of bouncer. Funny enough, but once you have a kid, all your relatives come out of the woodwork to meet them. It’s a nice gesture, but it’s also very disruptive. Don’t be afraid to tell people they’ll have to wait a while to meet the new baby.
You’re legally bound to take care of the little bugger for the next eighteen years, which means there is plenty of time for visits later down the road. Right now, your partner needs space to recover, and you need the time to get to know your child.
More important than anything else, you need to listen to your partner. They will tell you what they need. Listen, and take care of them.
Try Not to Freak Out
Most new parents freak out at least a little. Having a baby flips life up on its head. Usually, the transition into parenthood is challenging but doable. When things get hard, there are professional and personal outlets that can help you and your family navigate the new experiences.
It’s tough. Don’t trust anyone who tells you otherwise. But you’ve got this. People have been making families since— well since the dawn of people. Hundreds of millions of parents are in the exact same situation you now find yourself in.
Just relax. You’ll get through it.
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This content is made possible by Andrew Deen.
Photo by Nubelson Fernandes on Unsplash