10 Things Gilmore Girls Taught Us About Love and Relationships

Autumn is in the air, which for me means cuddling up with a fuzzy blanket, a pumpkin spice latte, and rewatching Gilmore Girls for the 20th time. (Okay, it may be more than 20 times, but who’s really counting?).

I have a lot of friends who rewatch it over and over again every fall, too — and I have a theory as to why we never get tired of revisiting Stars Hollow every fall. Rory and Lorelei are so relatable. There’s a love lesson in there for every season of our lives.

Here are 10 things Gilmore Girls taught us about love and relationships. (Spoilers ahead).

1. First love isn’t always meant to last forever.

Lorelei and Christopher. Rory and Dean. Gilmore Girls taught us that while there’s nothing quite like your first love, we shouldn’t always revisit it. First love can feel nostalgic and something that you miss, especially if it feels like there were loose ends. But sometimes, our first loves are better left in the past.

2. Different people fit different seasons of your life.

Rory Gilmore had a carousel of love interests, and each of them represented a different version of her. It’s so hard to decide if you’re Team Dean, Team Jess, or Team Logan because each of these three guys was right for Rory during a season of her life. Dean was her first love, Jess was the magnetic and complicated love, and Logan was the love that challenged her to step out of her comfort zone and explore a world full of the unknown.

This Stars Hollow lesson is one that we must remember when we’re dating: someone can be right for us during a season of our lives, but that doesn’t mean that they’re necessarily meant to be with us forever.

3. Chaotic relationships aren’t built to last — but relationships based on friendships are.

Chaotic love can be completely intoxicating. But if there’s one lesson in chaos, it’s that it’s not built to last. Jess and Rory. Lorelei and Christopher. These relationships are passionate, magnetic, and… they fizzle out.

But one Gilmore Girls relationship that is built to last? Lorelei and Luke. It might not have always been passionate, but it survives the test of time — because it was built on friendship and trust.

4. Someone can look perfect on paper and still not be “your person.”

Max Medina had it all: good looks, a stable career, charm, brains, and he was ridiculously in love with Lorelei. And while Loreli enjoyed spending time with him at first, things changed after their engagement. As the wedding approached, Lorelei couldn’t ignore the feeling that something was missing.

The Gilmore Girls lesson? Someone can look perfect on paper and still not be perfect for us.

5. Love sees past wealth and privilege.

Rory and Dean. Lorelei and Luke. Richard and Emily Gilmore didn’t approve of either of these relationships because neither of these guys came from wealth. But for Rory and Lorelei, it didn’t matter. They saw the people they fell in love with and knew that their intentions and efforts were more valuable than wealth.

6. Love isn’t enough to fix someone.

Florence Nightingale Syndrome is real. For many of us, it’s in our nature to want to try to fix someone we love. Rory was constantly trying to understand Jess, while Lorelei was always trying to save Christopher when the only thing he was consistently good at was being unreliable. But neither of these guys wanted help and the hard lesson learned is that love isn’t enough to fix someone; they have to want to fix themselves.

7. Don’t get involved with a married man.

When Rory and Dean slept together, Rory knew he was married to Lindsay. It was messy, complicated, and hurtful to everyone involved. Lindsay was hurt. Rory even hurt herself. This is one of the most brutally honest Gilmore Girls lessons: if you get involved with someone knowing they’re taken, it’s not going to end well.

8. Real love supports each other’s dreams, even when they’re not always convenient.

Sookie and Jackson are the perfect example of opposites attracting. But they both support each other’s dreams, even when they’re not easy. As a chef, Sookie’s life is filled with constant stress and chaos. She pulls all-nighters and her world revolves around creating the next pleasing meal, but Jackson supports it all. And despite being skeptical of Jackson’s dreams of expanding his business as a farmer, Sookie supports him.

The Stars Hollow takeaway? The person you’re with should support your dreams and make you a better person. And if they don’t, it might be time to cut the cord.

9. You can love someone and still end the relationship.

Between Lorelei choosing not to marry Christopher and Rory ending the relationship with Dean even though he was a good guy, Gilmore Girls teaches us that love isn’t always enough. Even though many of us believe that love alone is a reason to stay, this isn’t always the case — and sometimes, no matter how much you may love someone, you still need to walk away.

10. Family love is just as important as romantic love.

Gilmore Girls taught us that there’s nothing quite like the love for your family. Rory and Lorelei shared a special bond. Romantic love can be trying and heartbreaking, but having a close relationship with your family will help carry you through the difficult times.

Gilmore Girls may be fictional, but there are so many raw topics and relatable lessons to be learned from this show. As I rewatch this show again this autumn, I’ll be on the lookout for even more love lessons that I’ve missed when watching this show the first 20+ times around.

Feel free to share in the comments what relationship issues were most relatable to you.

—

This post was previously published on medium.com.