We probably all know the reasons NOT to get married. Like, don’t get married because your partner has a lot of money. Do not get married to make your parents happy. And do not get married just because your partner wants to. But once you decide to marry, what are the things you need to know before getting married? Do you love them completely, are you comfortable with them, can you see yourself growing old together? Of course, you should love each other before getting married, but you should also like them. Do you really like spending time with them? Are you good friends as well as lovers? That is important too. But what are some things you should talk about with your partner before getting married? You may want to try premarital counseling. Here are some premarital counseling questions to get you started.
Do You Want Kids?
Whether or not you both want children should be discussed way before marriage even comes up. If you have been with your partner for years, they probably know whether or not you want a houseful of kids or would rather not have any. But even if you think you know how they feel, talk to them about it anyway. This is not a subject that can be ignored until later.
What About Religion?
Religion is another topic that cannot be put off until some other time. If you have a particular faith and are strict about going to church once or twice a week, your partner needs to know that. Or if you do not believe in going to church at all, this is something to tell your partner before saying “I do.”
Should You Both Work?
Back in the old days, women typically stayed home while her husband worked. But not nowadays. This is something that you and your partner need to talk about. If you are serious about your career and plan to continue working 60-hour weeks until you die, your partner needs to know that. Or if you want to quit working once you get married and live off one income, that needs to be discussed.
Do You Need Tons of Money?
This may go along with the working question above. If you are someone who has to have a big fat bank account, a huge house, fancy cars, and whatever else you want, then you need to let your partner in on that. And does that mean you want both of you to work overtime forever to make all this money? Or do you expect them to work long days and nights to provide for you? That needs to be talked about as well.
Who Will Take Care of the Money?
Another question about finances, because money is one of the top things that couples fight about. Who is going to do the bills? Will you both have your own bank accounts or merge them together? Do you want to put your bills and accounts together such as phone bills, insurance, and old bills you may not have paid yet? Are you hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt for student loans or medical bills? These are serious things that you two need to work out before walking down the aisle together.
Who Cooks and Cleans?
Whether you both work or just one of you, who will be in charge of cooking and cleaning? Some people still see it as a woman’s job to do all of the cooking and cleaning while the man takes out the trash and does all the maintenance and lawn work. Others believe that it should be done by both. That you should clean up after yourselves, take turns cooking dinner, and share the chores no matter who works and who stays home. Clear this up before marrying.
What About Sex?
Yes, this is a vitally important thing as well. Even if you have been having great sex every time you see each other while you were dating, that does not mean that you will be doing it every day once you get married. Talk about how often you want to do it and whether or not you have any special requests. If you have any kind of fetish, now is the time to tell them. Also, if you think monogamy is not feasible and want to have an open marriage, this could be a game-changer. Tell each other everything.
Do You Love Spending Time with Your Family and Friends?
If you are a family-oriented person who likes to go see your parents at least once a week, that should be apparent by now. But you need to make it clear to your partner that getting married is not going to change things. Some people think that once you get married that you will cut down your time with others. Your partner may think that you going out once a month with your buddies is a horrible idea. Make these ideas clear before the wedding bells ring.
Do You Have any Major Pet Peeves?
Does it drive you crazy when someone chews with their mouth open or smacks their lips when they eat? Do you want to gag if your partner picks their nose or farts around you? What if they leave the door open when they go to the bathroom? Or what if you like to clip your toenails in the bedroom but your partner flips out about it? You should both make a list of your pet peeves and give them to each other before your big day.
Where Do You See Yourself 10 Years from Now?
The future is important, and if you are going to be in each other’s futures, you should share what you want that future to look like. Do you want to retire on a lake when you are 60? Are you planning to work until you die because you love your job? Would you like to have a bunch of kids and grandkids hanging around the house all the time? Talk about it.
Online Premarital Counseling
If any of these things cause you angst or get you two thinking twice about marriage, talk to a counselor about online premarital counseling. You can do it with ReGain.us online. No appointment needed and you don’t even have to leave your house. Marriage is a big step. Make sure you are both ready for it.
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