12 Honest (and Unflattering) Headlines About This Dad

 1. Local “Dad Blogger” Who Writes Often Of Commitment and Love Will Do Any Chore To Be In Different Room Than “Beloved Toddlers”’

2. Remarkably, 41 Year Old Man Honestly Believed Bathrooms Only Needed Cleaning Annually

3. Kids Cry Inconsolably When It’s Dad’s Turn To Put Them To Bed

4. Despite Assertion That It’s Not A Problem, Local Dad Can’t Unclench Teeth So He Drinks 8th Coffee of the Day Through Straw

5. Dad Repeatedly Responds No To Four-Year-Old’s Requests For Him To “Play with me?”

6. Despite Near Constant Grumpiness, Family Still Harbors Tender Feelings For Patriarch

7. He May Say He Is a Man, But Father’s Skill Set Does Not Support Such a Claim

8. Lacking Any Self Awareness, Dad Claims He Could Still Run with Guys In NBA

9. Impressively, Dad Maintains Vanity Despite Having Developed Classic “Sitter’s Body”

10. “Man of a Thousand Jokes” Discovered to be Man of Merely Four Jokes Told and Retold Thousands of Times. Two of Them are Puns.

11. One Man’s Journey To Truly Alarming Personal Hygiene Habits

12. Watching Television Constantly is One Family Tradition This Dad Intends to Pass On