12 Tips on How to Date Smart and Wisely as an Asexual (Demisexual) Person

🌈Happy Pride Month! This June, I want to uplift visibility for asexuality and demisexuality — the community I proudly belong to, especially when it comes to the unique dating challenges and tips that are so rarely talked about. 💜

Do you ever feel uncertain or hesitant when it comes to dating as someone who identifies as asexual? Like the world expects something different from you that doesn’t align with your truth? You are not alone in that.

Being asexual makes dating really difficult, especially in today’s dating culture. As a demisexual person, I have special needs and unique requirements when it comes to a partner. We want people to understand us, to respect who we are, not to pathologize us or think we need to be fixed. I didn’t enter my first romantic relationship until I was 27 years old, and that alone speaks volumes about how hard it can be for someone like me to open their heart. Being demisexual means our connections grow from deep emotional bonds, not instant attraction. And that takes time, trust, and real understanding.

Dating as an asexual person can feel confusing or disheartening, especially when it seems like sexual attraction is assumed to be a universal part of dating. But you deserve love, connection, and companionship that honors all of who you are, and that includes your asexuality.

In this article, you’ll find 12 empowering and heart-centered tips to help you date wisely, safely, and joyfully, in ways that honor your comfort, identity, and values. Whether you’re new to dating or navigating a new chapter in self-acceptance, these tips will help guide your journey with confidence and self-love.

What Does It Mean to Be Asexual in the Dating World?

Asexuality is a valid sexual orientation where a person experiences little or no sexual attraction to others. Asexual individuals may still desire romantic relationships, emotional closeness, intimacy, and deep bonds, or they may not. There’s a beautiful spectrum within asexuality, and each identity and experience on that spectrum is real and deserving of respect.

A demisexual person only feels sexual attraction to someone when they’ve formed a strong emotional bond with them first. It’s not about being shy or reserved — it just means that emotional connection is a key part of their attraction experience. It’s part of the asexual spectrum, but every demisexual person’s experience is unique.

Unfortunately, societal norms often equate dating with sexual expectation, and that can make dating as an asexual person feel alienating. But that doesn’t mean you don’t belong. It just means you get to date differently, with intention, clarity, and authenticity.

12 Tips for Asexual People to Date Smart and Wisely

Know and Embrace Your Identity
Your asexuality is not something to explain away. It is a meaningful and beautiful part of who you are. The first step in dating wisely is knowing yourself and holding your truth with pride.
Be Honest Early (When You’re Ready)
Share your asexuality when you feel emotionally safe. Being open early on helps you avoid mismatched expectations and build connections rooted in understanding and respect.
Define Your Relationship Desires
Are you seeking romance? A queerplatonic partner? Emotional closeness without labels? There’s no one way to love. Clarify what you’re looking for so you can seek it intentionally.
Set Boundaries You Feel Good About
You deserve to feel emotionally and physically safe. Your boundaries are valid, whether they’re about physical touch, communication styles, or how fast you want things to move. Set them. Keep them.
Choose People Who Genuinely Respect You
The right people won’t try to “fix,” “change,” or “convince” you. They’ll listen, affirm, and appreciate you. You deserve someone who celebrates your asexuality, not tolerates it.
Be Aware of Red Flags
Watch for partners who pressure you, invalidate your identity, or reduce relationships to sexual compatibility. That’s not love; that’s erasure. And you deserve so much better.
Normalize Emotional Intimacy
Remind yourself and your dates that closeness comes in many forms, long talks, shared laughs, mutual dreams, and quiet support. These are powerful forms of intimacy, too.
Explore Asexual-Inclusive Dating Platforms
There are spaces where asexuality is seen, valued, and centered. Whether through apps or online communities, connecting with others who understand your experience can feel deeply validating.
Allow Love to Look Different
Your ideal relationship might not match what you’ve seen in movies or around you. That’s okay. Let your love story be your own, beautifully different and deeply true.
Educate When You Can (But It’s Not Your Job)
If you want to educate someone about asexuality, that’s wonderful. But you never owe anyone an explanation of your identity. Your worth isn’t measured by how well others understand you.
Take Breaks if You Need Them
Dating can be emotionally tiring, especially if you’re navigating a misunderstanding. It’s okay to pause. You’re allowed to rest and return to dating when it feels aligned again.
Trust That You Deserve a Deep Connection
You are not “too different.” You are not “unlovable.” You are someone with a radiant heart and a desire to connect meaningfully. You will find people who meet you there.

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Start Your Journey with Love and Trust

Dating while asexual doesn’t mean you’re limited; it means you get to write a more intentional, honest love story. A story that honors your truth, your boundaries, and your joy.

Whether you’re seeking a romantic connection, a platonic partnership, or simply walking the path of self-love, you are worthy of it all. Your heart deserves softness, celebration, and a deep sense of belonging.

If you’re interested in me writing more about asexuality, I’d love to connect — feel free to message me.

I’d be glad to connect on LinkedIn if you’re interested in following my journey as a social entrepreneur

Follow me on Facebook, Instagram, and visit my website for more info!

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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