18 Obvious (and Not so Obvious) Red Flags of a Guy to NEVER Date or Marry

I think it was only fair that I write this piece as well after previously calling out women on their red flags in a relationship. It hasn’t even been 24 hours since I wrote and published that piece. I must acknowledge that we men too have red flags of our own and I’m about to call out my own gender on those red flags. The majority of those I’m going to mention throughout this article are those I have observed throughout my personal life.

A similar article has already been written by Monica Selo here. You may want to check it out. I thought I should add on her list and bring a male perspective to the same topic.

1. Emotionally unavailable

An emotionally unavailable man is incapable of emotionally connecting to his partner. He distances himself from deep conversations that will force him to express his thoughts, feelings, desires and show vulnerability. He has a bit of mystery but it does not come from a healthy place. This guy is also often afraid of emotional intimacy and commitment.

2. Lacks emotional intelligence

I have already talked about this here on red flag number 12. This applies the same way to both men and women.

3. Too emotional

As a man, you do want to open up, express your thoughts and feelings and show vulnerability at times. This takes courage to do as a man and it does not make you weak. For those who know me on a personal level, they know exactly how I express my vulnerability and I’ve always been admired for it.

However, there is a thin line between showing vulnerability and being an emotional wreck. A guy whose emotions harm others is where that line gets drawn. Someone who gets scared or frantic or complains about *everything* — or worse, is angry about everything. It is also not healthy to bottle things up that bother you inside. It’s not good for any man’s mental health. You need to understand your emotions and use them wisely, not ignore them or let the harm others.

I remember addressing this very same pandemic on one of the very first articles I every wrote and published on this platform, encouraging men to not man-up but speak up.

4. Short-tempered

These guys are often abusive and make a fuss out of the most trivial things. As a woman, you don’t want to be with someone who’s quick to lose their temper. Personally, the last thing that I would ever want is for the woman I date to be afraid of me. Short-tempered men instill fear in the women they date. I’d rather be respected than feared.

5. Physically and emotionally abusive

Personally, I find these kind of men to be the worst on this list. A man who can’t keep his emotions and temper in check and often reacts impulsively by emotionally and physically attacking his woman is a loser in my opinion. I have zero respect for a guy who cannot control his impulses. I don’t care what the woman has said or done to upset or anger him. Abuse can never be justified. The same goes for women who abuse men.

If I can no longer handle a woman, keep her in check or tolerate her behaviour, I would rather leave her than put my hands on her. That is what men are supposed to do.

6. An f-boy

I’m sure there is a certain appeal to these type of guys. They are confident, smooth-tongued, physically appealing, unbothered, have an abundant mindset and are ladies men. The dark-side to them is that they can’t commit to one woman, are promiscuous and are often emotionally unavailable. If you happen to be attracting these kind of men more often than not, you may have a problem.

7. Spends too much time out with friends

This is even worse if this guy is married with kids. Imagine as a married man you spend more time having fun with friends than you do at home with your wife and kids. What does this say about you? To me, this means you are failing as a husband and as a father and you need to grow up and do better.

8. Takes things too seriously

I must admit that I have been guilty of this red flag. I know this because it was brought to my attention by someone I once dated online who turned out to be a catfish. You can read more about my catfish story here.

From what s/he told me, it sounded like I was one of those overly strict boyfriends who made a big deal out of the little mistakes that s/he made. S/he informed me about this after our first break-up which I took some accountability for. I listened, swallowed my pride, reached out to this person, humbled myself, apologized and reconciled our relationship. I also made some changes and became a better boyfriend.

Fast forward to a couple of months later, I found out that I was being catfished the whole time and as you’d expect, I ended the relationship. The second and last time we broke up, it had nothing to do with me and everything to do with the catfish.

9. A heavy drinker

You can never build a home with a drunkard. It is as simple as that. I’m not talking about occasional drinkers who have their life together. I’m talking about a total drunkard whose money is spent on alcohol and is not a reliable provider.

10. A man without virtue

The man I described in red flags number 5, 6, 7 and 10 is a man without virtue. He has no moral compass, no self-respect, no self-control, no values, no respect for his lady or wife, no respect for his household and is impulsive. His life is often about partying, booze, drugs, mindless spending and sex.

11. Overly controlling and overbearing

As much as I value respect the most in a relationship, I do not advocate for men being too controlling and domineering over the women they date or marry. As a man, this is not how you earn respect from a woman. You don’t want to be a boss in your relationship or marriage. You want to be a leader who loves, protects, and provides. That is the kind of man worth respecting and submitting to. I am 100% sure every lady will agree with me on this one.

12. Toxic masculinity

What I just mentioned above speaks directly to this red flag. As a man, you don’t want to be of the impression that you own your girlfriend or wife. You can never own a person, not even your own child.

I once came across an episode of a podcast called Fresh and Fit on YouTube and one of the hosts was explaining what he expects in a relationship. His words infuriated me. He said that he expects his woman to be loyal, faithful and submissive while he does whatever he wants, meaning he can still sleep with other women while in a relationship. This is exactly what describes toxic masculinity to the core.

13. Has poor hygiene

Need I say more?

As a human being, male or female, you want to take good care of yourself at all times. Self-care is a personal responsibility. We’ve all come across people with poor hygiene and it’s never been attractive.

No woman would want to be with a guy with a body odour, mouth odour, ungroomed hair and beard, wears dirty and creased clothes, smelly socks and shoes, drives a dirty car, and has a messy apartment or room. Let’s groom ourselves accordingly, guys, not just for women, but for ourselves.

14. Overconfident and arrogant

I’m not a woman, yet I’m also thrown off by these guys. Confidence is great. It’s one of the things that got me where I am today and also typically one of the things that makes any man attractive and desirable to women. However, there is a fine line between confidence and arrogance.

Confidence is never boastful and is usually not loud. I can’t say the same about arrogance.

Recently, I came across an episode of a pop-the-balloon show on YouTube where a Dentist was the suitor looking for love. All the women popped their balloons, rejecting the Dentist. Mind you this guy was handsome, tall and had a stable career. I’m talking about a Doctor. So, why would he get rejected by every woman in the room? It was the way he carried himself. He couldn’t stop talking, used every chance he got to remind everybody he was a Doctor, was very condescending and overall unlikeable. No wonder he was single, wifeless and childless at the age of 38.

As a guy, you don’t want to be like this Dentist dude. Humbleness and humility go a long way. Be confident but also stay humble, guys.

15. Broke and lazy

I have nothing against being broke as a guy because I have been there myself for years but I hustled until my financial situation improved. What I am against though is a broke guy who sits all day long at home and does nothing to change his financial situation. He has no ambitions, goals and dreams and is comfortable being broke and jobless. This guy is not worthy of a romantic relationship, let alone a wife.

16. Needy

Ever dated someone who wants to talk, see and be with you almost 24/7, like they have made you the center of their universe and has nothing else better to do with their lives? This neediness is repulsive, even to me as a guy.

Such guys often put the women they pursue or date on a pedestal. My fellow Gen-Z peeps call them “simps”. So, let’s stop being the so-called simps, guys.

17. Sex-crazed and likes to degrade women in the bedroom

I won’t say much on this red flag, except that this is often a result of consuming too much pornographic content. If you are a man struggling with porn addiction, please get professional help before it does more damage to your social, romantic, professional, spiritual and sex life, including your mental health.

Conclusion

Now that I have exposed these red flags from guys, which top 3 red flags have you previously experienced in a relationship or observed from other relationships?

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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