3 Old-School Dating Practices That (I Think) Totally Need to Come Back

Boy, have things changed!

I recall when dating was somewhat sacred and nothing to be taken for granted. Do you remember those days?

When you didn’t introduce your boyfriend to your parents until you were sure there was something brewing.

When dating was a whole different ball game from what it is right now.

Maybe you do. Maybe you don’t.

Here’s the thing though:

I’ve lived long enough to see the differences these “old-school” practices did to dating and marriage. They created pathways for more solid relationships.

Dating wasn’t as cheap and capricious as it is. Which meant marriages didn’t crumble to dust as often as they do now.

Take my hand as we walk down memory lane, and let’s examine those old-school dating practices, shall we?

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Taking time before making it official.

Back then (I sound like a dinosaur, I know), you took time to actually declare that you were dating.

You waited and lingered because you didn’t want to rush into anything.

You didn’t know where you stood because only time would tell. So you kept doing what you were doing, whether that was work or school.

Until sometime stretched, and it became apparent that something was stirring between you and the other person.

Then you made it official.

You let those around you know you had the hots for each other. Little by little, you lit little flames and worked at fanning them into a fully-fledged relationship.

…

Taking time before getting intimate.

You didn’t just end up in someone’s bed whose name you couldn’t even recall the morning after. Nope. You took time.

There was no mad rush because you knew patience was necessary to create a meaningful relationship.

You wanted to know the person — who they were, really — not just their names, as is the case nowadays.

Why?

Because you wanted to create a bond that went beyond the physical.

This? This was a good thing because something beautiful happened when you both decided to take your discovery of each other a bit deeper.

You cherished each other.

You enjoyed each other.

You respected each other’s bodies because you respected each other.

…

Waiting for the man to ask you to marry/ move in with you.

I’m a heterosexual woman, so if this doesn’t resonate, please keep it moving, which is to say that I’m a firm believer that a man needs to ask me out. And yes, I know it’s 2023. But still, this Siz isn’t asking any man out.

I’m turned on — and greatly admire — men brave enough to go after the woman they want.

I’m talking about actually verbally asking a woman out, asking her to marry you, asking her to move in with you. Not hinting. Not making suggestive comments.

Nah. Saying what you want upfront.

I don’t know about you, but lately, I’ve been wondering where on earth such strong, brave, and confident men disappeared to. Have they fallen off the face of the earth or what?

Because I’ve seen women ask men out, others ask to move in.

Here’s the thing: I strongly believe we all have our places in relationship dynamics.

A masculine man is meant to hunt. To pursue.

Humans forget this is the natural order of things — even animals know this. A male ostrich dances to attract his woman. He spends time trying to advocate his intention. To win her. To seduce her.

If animals know this, why are we ladies not letting the men put in the work to earn us? Why have we let our self-pride get eroded? If he wants you, let him earn you.

A man will never give you more than you give yourself.

You get to decide how high you set your bar before you can expect him to step up. The bar starts with you. Decide to hold yourself to a high standard.

…

Why Old School Dating Needs To Come Back.

Okay, you probably wonder why anyone would want to return to the old dating methods.

So, let’s look at what was so special in relationships that began in this slow-cooking manner and these recent ones that take off like bullets.

There was more respect in relationships.

At times, my husband drives me up the wall, but I respect the dude, which is why I restrain myself from saying things I can never come back from.

Respect holds couples together when the messiness of a marriage gets in the way.

There’s no denying that people change. We evolve and always will because it’s inherent in our nature. This means someone who used to respect you may wake up one day and treat you like trash.

That said, when lovers take time to understand each other and learn how to walk the intricate path towards a relationship, it’s much harder for things to come crumbling down.

We value things we have worked and waited patiently for. We appreciate and respect people who take time to really know us and vice versa.

Ask anyone who has been married for a while, and they’ll be the first to tell you how significant respect is in a marriage.

…

Fewer heartaches and breakups.

Of course, there were fewer heartaches and breakups back then simply because couples treasured relationships and marriages more because they had worked hard to attain them.

I don’t know about you, but with the stresses of modern life, a stable relationship is a breath of fresh air any day. It’s where we get to lay our heads after a long day.

If you never remember anything from this article, please remember this:

The person you marry dictates the kind of future you will have.

If you rush into marriage with someone you don’t really know, you spend a good number of your years wallowing in unhappiness.

…

And, well, it just feels powerful.

Old-school relationships felt powerful. They just did. There was an elegance and dignity that hovered in marriages.

I saw it from my own parents, who have meshed their lives together and walked the path of marriage for a whopping 42 years.

Because there was respect between them, we never saw them fight or insult each other.

No one is saying they didn’t argue. In fact, I know for a fact they’ve had some pretty bumpy rides in their marriage.

Still, they treasured this thing called a marriage. Why?

Because it didn’t come easy.

It didn’t magically appear but was carefully crafted.

They studied each other.

No one was in a hurry to get married.

Their parents and society were involved when the time was right.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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From The Good Men Project on Medium

What Does Being in Love and Loving Someone Really Mean?

My 9-Year-Old Accidentally Explained Why His Mom Divorced Me

The One Thing Men Want More Than Sex

The Internal Struggle Men Battle in Silence

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