Overthinking is a crippling mental habit.
You can feel confident for one minute. The next minute, you can’t act. Why? Because thoughts of all the possibilities make choosing an action difficult.
We overthink our feelings a lot.
It is the reason you get tongue-tied when greeting your crush. You haven’t decided which is the “best” response yet.
Overthinkers feel they will blow an opportunity before they have even tried it. The over-analyzing doesn’t end there. After you have the chance, next is a reflection on how every gesture and wording could be different.
The sad part is you only have a clear memory of all the odd, cringe moments. The ones that didn’t go over so well. You can’t think of a light, uplifting scenario. It is unfortunate you hinder your confidence by overthinking. Your crush isn’t judging you so hard.
…
The four ways to avoid overthinking when meeting someone new
#1. Treat yourself as you would when being a simp
Why do we wait until our 30, 40, or 50s to change how we talk to ourselves? Talking to yourself with kindness helps you feel great. Imagine taking action without working up the courage first. It would save you so much time. You would get an answer faster and move on to meet someone else.
You can reduce overthinking by saying positive words to yourself. It doesn’t have to be an affirmation. Follow your usual thoughts with a positive reframe. “I always get no replies to my direct messages.” Your other sentence is more enabling. “I aim to get a reply, but if I don’t, I will be fine.”
How can you do it?
Limit your self-critiques to areas where you have control. You don’t know if, when, or how someone will respond to your advances. But you have control of your emotions and your behavioral response.
Speak positively about your reactions. It helps your brain develop a lighter spin on an unpleasant experience. Try to entertain brighter thoughts. You reduce your chances of getting lost in spiraling negative mental loops.
…
#2. You let theories guide you.
It is funny how imagination is so hopeful in SpongeBob SquarePants. Yet it is a fear-driving mental mechanism for adults.
You judge yourself, hoping to identify your flaws before someone else spots them. You think of all the negatives to save yourself from epic fails.
If asked, I would say this practice is mentally taxing. Yet, I indulge in this habit when meeting someone new. I act like a risk analyst and imagine all the worst-case scenarios.
The best way to battle overthinking is head-on. Where do we go wrong? You use the result to prove or disprove early assumptions. It is a relief to stop the internal debate with an action. “There it got done. The outcome is out of my hands now.”
How can you do it?
Suffocate your fears by doing your part. Approach meetings with new love interests like a professional.
Thinking of the person as a business client limits the number of ways you can say “hi” or the questions you ask on the first date. As you get more comfortable, think of the person as your lover to do more risky flirting.
Photo by 胡 卓亨 on Unsplash
…
#3. Hold a vision board mindset
Living in the present helps with overthinking. What can you do at this moment except existing? I’ve seen people become distant because they get hit with a memory of the past.
The past steals your joy.
Vision board owners don’t wish to have met more new people last month. They have two ways of moving forward:
- Plan to meet more people next month. That’s because they failed to achieve their previous goal.
- Consider making deeper connections. So, they feel okay with meeting fewer new people each month.
How can you do it?
Consider your past. Rather than wish to change the old you, enhance these areas of your current self. If you wish you had met more people when younger, set this goal for your present-day self.
…
#4. Displace your thoughts.
You grow silent when lost in thoughts. The quieter you become, the more you overthink. Displace your thoughts with noise.
If alone or an introvert, play music. If you are an extrovert or in the company of others, tell stories. Get the thought out of your head, so you can continue taking part in the present moment.
How can you do it?
When you feel your “social battery dying.”, use a story to shift the weight of the conversation to the other person. After listening, the other person could have a similar experience to share. This tale could make you feel less alone. Bring your focus back to the present moment and prevent you from overthinking.
Thank you for reading this post.
…
I created and published a floral 2022 planner. Use it to fill in your goals and manifest your best year ever; here is a link to my book.
—
This post was previously published on medium.com.
***
You may also like these posts on The Good Men Project:
 White Fragility: Talking to White People About Racism |
 Escape the “Act Like a Man” Box |
 The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men’s Lives is a Killer |
 |
—
Photo credit: Anthony Tran on Unsplash
