You’re babies of the digital age, so I’m not sure you want to listen to the advice of a person who’ll turn fifty in a week.
But you need to.
Yes, yes, it’s about the “phone thing.”
Your selfies. Your filters. Your chatting. Your texting.
You see, I worry about you. I worry about how your camera, apps, and keypad shape the way you see yourself. I worry about the way they shape your interactions with the world.
And I’m betting you to you it’s no big deal.
After all, it’s the world you’ve been born into. It’s normal.
However, there are some things I think you might want to consider that could make you happier and more successful.
Turn the camera in a different direction.
If you’re Gen Z, I guess you know there are rules for selfies.
At least, that’s what my fifteen-year-old tells me.
“Make a funny face, “she says.
I try. Unsuccessfully.
“No, do something like stick your tongue out or blow a kiss to the camera.”
So I practice, just trying to be funny.
However, the more I practice, the more it becomes a personal challenge.
I must have taken thirty pictures to get the “right” look. And with every futile attempt to be “Insta-worthy,” I saw myself as less and less attractive.
I thought, “Why is it so hard for me to look good? All these pictures of me and only two turn out right?
Instant self-esteem crusher.
Does that happen for you, Gen Z?
Want my advice to feel better?
Don’t snap a thousand selfies. Do this instead.
- Aim your camera at a sunset.
- Set your phone on flash and catch a firefly flitting through a starry sky.
- Capture the ocean in the early hours of the morning, footprint-free and stunning.
- Take shots of the people who love you. Your ninety-year-old great-grandmother. Your newborn cousin. Your friend stuffing her mouth with birthday cake.
Photographer Ralph Hattersley says:
“We [make]photographs to understand what our lives mean to us.”
Those selfies? That’s not really what your life is about, is it?
So choose other pictures to take once in a while.
Ditch the filters.
Remember those beautiful pictures I told you to take instead of selfies?
None of them need filters to be stunning, do they?
And neither do you.
However, with every filter you use, your mind tells you you’re not good enough the way you are, and if you haven’t already, you’ll eventually start to believe it.
Author Ella December says:
“If you don’t look at yourself, you can’t know yourself. If you don’t know your flaws, lumps, and bumps, then someone else can use them against you to make you feel inferior. I think you’re perfect just the way you are. I believe if you hide from who you are, you let everyone else define you instead of you. You are your power. Embrace that and be beautiful.”
Never trust a text to tell the truth.
Nothing makes for a more believable lie than a text. After all, our facial expressions and body language are hidden.
This is a problem because you need context to determine the truth.
You need eye contact. You need to hear the pitch of a person’s voice. You need to see the position of their arms, how much space they take up, the size of their smile, or the tears in their eyes.
And no heart emoji or line of texted words will prove a person’s sincerity.
Another trouble with a text’s lack of context is that you’re left to believe what you want, which can cause you to make incorrect assumptions about a person, situation, or relationship.
Author Nicolas Sparks sums it up when he says:
“You’re going to come across people in your life who will say all the right words at all the right times. But in the end, it’s always their actions you should judge them by. It’s actions, not words, that matter.”
Understand texting can sometimes lower people’s opinions of you.
You screwed up big-time at work.
You decided to end your long-term relationship.
You brutally lashed out at a friend.
So, you text a quick “I’m sorry” and hope the situation is resolved. After all, you’ve done the right thing and apologized.
However, when you decide to handle these serious situations via text, it makes you seem cold, uncaring, or cowardly.
For example, the person receiving your text may think: “If they really cared, they would have told me in person,” or “If they weren’t such a coward, they’d admit their mistake face to face.”
Trust me, no matter how comfortable you are texting, face-to-face interaction always makes a more powerful impression.
Always.
It shows bravery and integrity, and those qualities are two of the most valuable ones a person can have.
The bottom line:
“Your words will tell others what you think. Your actions will tell them what you believe.”
Think about that last sentence.
“Your actions will tell [people] what you believe.”
So, what are you telling people you believe if you post pictures that hide more of your face than they show?
You’re telling them you don’t believe you’re good enough the way you are.
The sad part is you’re telling yourself this too.
Also, what are you telling people you believe when you text them about something important rather than seeing them?
You’re telling them you’re scared. You’re telling them you don’t believe they’re worth your time. You’re telling them they’re not as special as you say they are.
And I’m pretty sure those messages aren’t ones you want to be sending.
Now don’t get me wrong.
Today’s phones are amazing. The whole world is literally at your fingertips. However, it’s essential to realize that phones (and the gadgets that go with them) are also a test. They test your self-confidence, your values, and your integrity.
I know you’re up for the challenge, though. Just be careful.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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White Fragility: Talking to White People About Racism | Escape the “Act Like a Man” Box | The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men’s Lives is a Killer | What We Talk About When We Talk About Men |
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Photo credit: iStockPhoto.com