A breakup can be hard on your self-worth. With these five tips, you can survive and even thrive after a relationship ends.
Breakups can take a toll on your mental and physical health. In extreme cases, especially if you’d been with a narcissist or were in a codependent relationship, a breakup can be physiologically similar to withdrawing from an addiction. Yes, it can be very difficult to go through a breakup. But with the right tools, you can rebuild your self-esteem and thrive after a relationship ends.
5 Keys to Survive and Thrive After a Breakup
1. Spoil Yourself
After a breakup, it’s important to give yourself some extra loving care. This is your time. Take very good care of yourself. Get a massage. Take a trip with good friends. Get lost in a new book. Watch a terrific movie (NOT a romantic one). You might want to see a therapist or coach to make sure you don’t repeat the same patterns in the next relationship. Now’s the time to begin the healing process and give yourself a lot of TLC.
2. Do NOT Date!
Many people jump right back into dating to boost their self-esteem or assuage their loneliness. This is not a good time to date. No matter what others tell you about getting back in the “dating game”, please don’t date now.
Why not? You’re too vulnerable and raw. You’re likely to date for the wrong reasons and make poor choices in the partners you pick.
Wait at least a few months and do the inner work of healing before dating again. Identify the red flags you may have overlooked. And take responsibility for your share. Figure out what you can do better next time. Communication skills need some attention? Do you have some baggage that needs unpacking?
So many relationships fail because people dated too soon after a breakup. They ended up dating the same person with a different face. Avoid that problem by taking some time off from dating to reflect on what went wrong in the last relationship and what you can do better next time.
3. Write a Letter to Your Ex
After a relationship ends, it can be cathartic to write out your feelings and thoughts about the relationship and why it did and didn’t work. It will give you clarity about what was positive and what was not. Write a letter and thank your ex for the lessons you learned. But DO NOT SEND IT! This is only for you, to help you focus on what you learned from your relationship so you can do better next time.
When you’re done, destroy the letter. Rip it up. If it’s on the computer, delete the file. Or make a bonfire and burn it as a healing ritual.
Releasing your ex is a healthy step towards making space for the love of your life to come in. You must close one door before opening the next. Making peace with your past relationships is critical to attracting a healthy lasting loving relationship in the future.
4. Fall Madly in Love with Yourself
A breakup can wreak havoc on your self-esteem. Now is the time to rebuild your confidence. Make a list of your positive attributes. What do you love and appreciate about yourself? Many people get stuck making this list. We’ve been trained our entire lives to be humble and not brag. I give you permission to brag about yourself now.
Now focus on the parts of yourself that you don’t love as much, and give those areas some extra love. If you’re stuck, ask a close friend what they love about you. If you seriously doubt your self-worth, please seek help from a therapist or coach.
5. When You’re Ready, Get Back Out and Date Again
You’ve spent some time grieving the loss of your ex and your relationship, you’ve let go of anger, you’ve learned from the relationship about what type of partner would be a better fit and which red flags to look out for. Not it’s time to move on and begin to date again. If you wallow in anger or sadness for too long, it can be difficult to get yourself back out there.
And remember to treat each person you date as a clean slate. Don’t talk about your ex with your new dates. And do not project your ex’s negative qualities onto the next person. They are not the ones who hurt you.
Watch the video below to hear some tips on how to regain your self-esteem after you’ve been dumped.
What have you done after a breakup to help yourself heal? Please share your thoughts below.
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Photo: Flickr/Nicolas Raymond