5 Qualities Men Look For in a Partner That We Never Say Out Loud: Part 3

Navigating today’s dating scene is tough, as is being in a modern relationship. There’s so much pressure to perform, competition is fierce, and a lot of us feel let down more often than not.

It’s no secret that men complain about women — and women complain about men. The underlying issue? Our needs aren’t being met, so rather than articulate that, we throw shade at each other or fight on a regular basis, draining each other of our energy.

I’ve had countless conversations with men who’ve told me that, at their core, they want to be able to open up to their partner but worry about how they’ll be received.

Will they be laughed at? Will their needs be dismissed? Is there partner going to turn a moment of vulnerability into one of regret (by making their attempts to open up feel trivial or turning it around in an attempt to make their own needs known)? The concerns go on and on and are very deeply laden.

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In two previous articles (this one and that one), I discuss five characteristics men look for in partners that they never vocalize for various reasons. Their success was immediate, so I’ve decided to continue the series until I exhaust all the traits I’ve heard.

Before diving into it, I need to mention this disclaimer — this is a neutral, all-encompassing list. It’s not bound solely to hetero-normative couples, but to all couples. Keep that in mind when reading.

Now let’s get into it!

Acceptance

We all know what it’s like to be rejected. It doesn’t feel very good, especially when it comes to intimate relationships, ESPECIALLY when said rejection comes from your partner.

The subtler it is, the more likely us men will try to glaze over it, only to allow those instances to build up until we inevitably blow up in an inappropriate capacity. Then fights ensue, feelings get hurt, and grudges are held, leading to feelings of desolation, isolation, or hatred.

Can you accept your partner for who he is — flaws and all? Or are you the type to complain about everything, subtly tearing down who he is? We may wear brave, macho exteriors when out and about in society, but that doesn’t mean we’re exempt from feelings commonplace to all of humanity — like hurt.

Authenticity

There’s nothing worse than a fake person (male or female) when it comes to relationships. Pretending to be someone you’re not, not opening up about your true feelings, etc., can be taxing on all parties involved.

From my experiences, it takes more work to pretend than it does to be authentic. Keeping track of your web of lies and false pretenses is exhausting.

Men enjoy being with partners who know how to showcase who they truly are without much concern over how they’ll be perceived. They know that if they’re judged for being real, that relationship probably isn’t a good fit.

Besides, authentic people are usually the most confident, fun, and self-assured bunch. Who wouldn’t want to be with someone like that?

Decisiveness

When I was actively dating, one of my least favorite things was when I’d ask my girlfriends where they wanted to eat well in advance of meeting up for dinner, only to receive an “I don’t know” response come time to eat.

It didn’t bother me at first, but as the trend wore on, it wore me out. Why? Because the planning fell square on my shoulders every time. Even worse, my suggestions were constantly shot down; they always had a reason not to go where I wanted to, but couldn’t come up with any places of their own.

Obviously, being decisive extends well beyond what you eat, but the example resonates. Men want to be with partners that know how to make up their mind, especially when it matters most.

Granted, the female brain is hardwired differently than the male brain. Women are more complex thinkers, have more intricate neural pathways, and are more analytical than males.

Still, we don’t enjoy having to think for anyone else. That’s what parents do, not partners.

Down-to-Earth

What exactly does down-to-Earth mean? Simply put, it’s being grounded or level-headed, meaning calm, cool, and collected — or peaceful — most of the time.

Are you the type who’s down for whatever? Can you embrace spontaneity? Will an evening inside with your paramour doing nothing besides “Netflix and chilling” bother you because it isn’t a night out on the town, dressing up and eating at fancy restaurants? Do you need to be seen by all?

Men like down-to-Earth partners because, aside from being humble, they’re the most flexible without pretensions. It doesn’t take much to impress this type of person, not because their standards are low, but because their aware of how to treat others.

This makes them a keeper in our eyes.

Drive

Another word for drive? Ambition. Allow me to explain why this is important with a story.

I know of a couple where the husband is the breadwinner. For a long while, he was the sole income earner in his household. His wife wanted to be a homemaker, staying in the house to raise their children. There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with this lifestyle.

The problems arose when she started wanting more than their budget allowed. They lived around prominent people in Pinnacle Hills, AR, home to some of the wealthiest people on the planet (like Alice Walton).

Their newly acquired surroundings made it hard for her to not want the material possessions and lifestyle that came with such wealth, wealth they didn’t possess.

She started to ask for things like Louis Vuitton purses, Cole Haan coats, and Cartier watches. The issue with all of this? She did nothing to contribute financially to acquire the items she knew were out of their price range. In short, she lacked the drive needed to obtain those high fashion items.

Men want to be with someone who has their own internal drive, someone who strives for excellence in their own ways. That’s how couples remain equals and relationships remain balanced.

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This list, like the previous two, is not exhaustive. It is, however, a great starting place for those interested in learning more about the inner-workings of men in a meaningful way. I hope it helps bridge gaps, swallow divides, and make relationships more worthwhile for those who read it. More to come.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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