5 Qualities Women Yearn for in a Man, but Seldom Vocalize

Back in December of 2020, I wrote my first “breakthrough article” on Medium, one that accumulated thousands of views. It was about qualities men look for in women that we never say out loud.

The success of that article inspired a second and third version, continuing the series started with the first one. More and more qualities men look for that don’t get talked about were added into the mix.

All in all, there were more views and reads than I’d ever anticipated, leading to elevated levels of joy and gratitude. And a nice paycheck.

But, being the equal opportunist I am, I couldn’t help wondering — what about women? After all, they make up half of the global population, so they’re worth some focus.

I got to thinking about what women might want in a man that they seldom vocalize. Then I realized something pivotal — I’m not a woman.

But because of this mindset, I’m privileged to have several female friends; the relationships are purely platonic and weirdly healthy.

I made it a point to survey all of them, asking pointed questions, sometimes taking notes, but always paying attention to everything they said when it came to broaching this topic. The result is a list of qualities they yearn for but seldom talk about.

To those reading this looking to learn more about women, think of the ensuing list as cheat codes to a video game with a level you cannot find a way to beat, no matter how much time you devote to it or how many YouTube videos about it you watch.

So without any further ado, here are five qualities women yearn for in a man that they seldom vocalize.

Sense of fashion

Believe it or not, women are always paying attention to what you’re wearing. To them, fashion is an opportunity to express yourself, showing what you can do with the attire you have.

Besides, they analyze everything about us males, especially the ones they’re interested in, from the crown of your head to the cleanliness of your shoes.

You can be one of those guys who settles for the “traditional straight male ensemble,” consisting of a button-up dress shirt unbuttoned at the top with the sleeves rolled up some, a pair of khaki or brown dress pants, and a stylistically questionable pair of dress shoes.

OR, you can learn the importance of taking pride in your appearance. The more developed your sense of fashion, the better your chances and prospects will be with women.

Think I’m exaggerating. Then, without question, you must be one of those guys who relies on his spouse or partner to pick out his outfits. Believe it or not, that isn’t really a good thing. Here’s why:

You’re essentially adding another thing to their to-do list. Not all women enjoy having to dress their significant others.

A lot of them look at it as a burdensome chore life has tasked them with — like the women who have to pick up their paramour’s dirty laundry because exerting the effort to put it all in a hamper is too much work.

Don’t be one of those guys. Pay attention to what you throw on — you never know who’s watching.

And an additional pointer: the more you can dress yourself to their approval, the more impressed they’ll be.

Personally, during the colder months in the Chicagoland where I reside, I opt for warmth and comfort. Darker colors get pulled out of the closet, and coordinated sweatsuits galore get worn.

Brands like Nike, Polo by Ralph Lauren, and Puma are in my constant rotation, as are splashes of bright colors to make the outfits stand out, all while showing I have a bit of personality.

The ensembles say, “I chose comfort over anything else, but I’ll be damned if I forget about my sense of style.”

The point of having a sense of fashion? To express yourself stylistically, stand out from the pack, and maybe attract a few women in the process.

Emotional intelligence

Emotional intelligence is the ability to understand and manage your own emotions, as well as recognize and influence the emotions of those around you.

In other words, how great are you at regulating your own emotions, and how well do you pick up on and influence the emotions of others?

For instance, say your partner seems upset. You ask her if she’s okay, and she says yes, but with the type of energy usually expressed when someone is depressed.

Do you believe what she says, or do you gently probe to see if she’s in the mood to talk about whatever is on her mind?

Emotionally intelligent men know the answer to that question and can maneuver a woman’s emotions, which feels like challenging territory more often than not.

They also can pick up on nonverbal cues with expert precision. As the saying says, “It’s only always about what they say. Sometimes it’s about what they do or don’t do.”

Stable

Another word for stable? Consistent. Or solid.

It’s being who you say you are at all times, not just when it’s easy or convenient. Those who are solid are immovable no matter the situation. They can be a rock which a woman can lean on when necessary (hopefully this goes both ways, but that’s not the point).

Here is the point — the more stable you are, the more attractive you are to women. While spontaneity is often desired, that doesn’t mean a certain degree of predictability isn’t desired as well. It creates a healthy level of comfort.

For example, those who’ve worked in retail no that no two days are the same. That doesn’t take away from having a set schedule though.

In other words, spontaneity is good; living a life without any sort of foundation is both a turnoff and terrifying.

Then there’s consistency, which is key to allowing a woman to feel comfortable. After the tests, if she can see that you are who you say you are, she’ll feel safe around and with you.

The safer she feels, the more of herself she unveils. If you’re wise, you turn this into a beautiful symphony that spans the entirety of your relationship.

Tender

Say your partner is in a bad mood. You can kind of tell, so you do your due diligence to keep your distance and not do anything to piss them off to the point of an eruption.

In short, you’re walking on eggshells.

In spite of your best efforts to keep the peace, she eventually blows a fuse. You rack your brain for any reason whatsoever to see if you’re at fault and can’t come up with anything.

Now you’re pissed too.

Do you 1) erupt with what you consider justified anger or 2) show tenderness?

If you picked the latter, then congratulations, you understand the importance and role of this all-important quality. While it may seem unfair, being tender is basically a form of neutrality when emotions are heightened.

Note: stable men are also very tender men

It’s your way of saying, “I understand I’m going to be your emotional scapegoat in this situation, no matter how unfair it feels. I promise not to throw this back in your face.”

You transform into a soft-hearted teddy bear to avoid creating any tension, using the exactness of an expert bomb defuser until all seems well again.

The end result usually yields an apology and explanation of where the outburst came from. Everyone ends up winning.

Do yourself a favor — try tenderness. You’ll be surprised by the results.

For those of you that find this hard to believe, I highly encourage and implore you to listen to this song by the popular artist Michael Buble called Try A Little Tenderness. There’s a reason why it’s as well-known amongst women as it is.

Not easily threatened

When you think of the phrase not easily threatened, does a guy like the one pictured above come to mind?

If so, there’s nothing wrong with that. But more often than not, that’s the only rendition of “not easily threatened” people come up with.

It’s the easiest to think about because it’s the easiest to see — the literal physical manifestation of what it may look like to not be threatened by others.

But I don’t think that’s the most important form.

Personally, I believe the mental form of not easily threatened means much more.

Why?

Because it takes a very strong, balanced, emotionally intelligent man to be constantly confident with any woman.

For instance, pretend it’s the courtship phase of your relationship. Do you, as ladies reading this, remember the ways you tested your partner? You weren’t playing games, but you were looking to see how they responded in various situations?

Some of those tests feel impossible to pass. Take it from someone who has endured his fair share of them. The whole point is for them as women to see what kind of man you are while cutting off your option to craft some sort of a lie in the process.

The more tests you pass, the closer you get to advancing to the next level. And round and round that process goes until, if you’re lucky, you end up together.

Then there’s being okay with them having male friends, especially if 1) she had them before she met you and 2) you hang out in the same circles. Women don’t want to be stifled into only having you as a guy to talk to.

It’s sometimes an uncomfortable topic to bring up, and that’s okay so long as your jealousy is healthy — or a result of your protective nature. But being able to interact with other men while calling you her main guy will go a long way for you.

Not all women really even want this in actuality. They just don’t want to have the option taken away from them because their significant other hasn’t gotten over personal insecurities, control issues, or whatever else it is that makes some guys act like toddlers concerning this topic.

Women, if you find yourself with a guy who looks like the man pictured above AND embodies the mental definition of not easily threatened, then congrats — you’ve hit the lottery.

A lot of what goes into understanding women requires listening with your whole being. If any man reading this is confused on any level, don’t feel alone. I was too at first.Then I realized the crux of my confusion was my inability to stop being surprised by how different women are from men. I just accepted that certain things are going to be complex, NOT complicated.

In short, your perspective really does influence how much you’re capable of learning from and about them.

That epiphany ushered in more patience, which I think is a key ingredient to being a fully active listener, making me an actual active listener, which in turn made what I was hearing easier to process and understand.

The end result is these five initial qualities.

Here’s to hoping this list is helpful enough to yield subsequent articles.