It took Myke Macapinlac getting (and losing) his girlfriend to make him realize what was at the root of his needy behaviour.
I’m sure most guys reading this have felt embarrassed by appearing too needy in front of a woman they’re attracted to at some point in their lives. They know what it’s like to give it their all and be taken for granted.
If this sounds familiar, I know exactly how you feel. In fact, I was probably worse than most guys when they started dating.
To prove my point, let me share with you a quick story…
My best friend and I liked the same girl back in junior high. But because I was really desperate to be in a relationship, I went around his back and betrayed him.
Needless to say I got the girl.
Because my best friend was really hurt, he told everybody what I did. That ruined my entire high school experience; my friends all hated me.
But I didn’t care.
I had a girlfriend and that’s all that mattered back then.
She meant everything to me. Little did I know, that was the beginning of the end.
Our relationship was pretty short lived. It didn’t take her too long to realize how insecure I was. To this day, I still remember being dumped over the phone.
I was devastated. I never wanted to feel that way ever again.
If you can relate to that story in some way, keep reading. Let me share with you some of the lessons I learned so you don’t make the same mistakes I did.
5 Signs You’re Being Needy and What to Do About It
1. You’re Too Available
Since I didn’t have a lot of things going on for me back then, my calendar was wide open. Too open as a matter of fact.
Whenever my girlfriend called, I picked up my phone on the first ring. I was ready to drop whatever I was doing to hang out with her.
A woman wants to be part of your world. She doesn’t want to be the centre of your universe.
Focus on your personal goals first. Lead your life in a direction you want and invite her along for the journey.
It’s your attitude about yourself that women will adopt. When a woman loses respect, she’ll also lose the desire to get closer to you.
She has to feel like you choose to be with her, not that you need to. Only then will she perceive you as an equal partner.
2. You Communicate Too Much
Sending thoughtful messages occasionally is sweet. Texting “What are you up to?” every 10 minutes is not cool.
When I dated my girlfriend, I was always on her radar. Our communication became more of a monologue rather than a dialogue. Soon enough, she got bored and didn’t reply to my text and phone call as often.
A woman has to know that you’re not afraid to be without her. If she feels suffocated, she’ll want her space back.
The moment it seems like it’s a chore to spend time with you, she’ll begin to feel obligated. Create a bit of distance and give her an opportunity to miss you.
Fill your days with activities you enjoy doing. Not only will she value your time together, you’ll also have more things to talk about.
3. You Do Whatever She Wants
Whenever my girlfriend would ask me what I wanted to do on a Friday night, my typical response was “Anything you want babe.”
I was too passive and didn’t want to make decisions that she may not enjoy. I was afraid of losing her.
The biggest variable between a confident man and someone who’s needy is fear. You don’t always have to agree with everything she believes in. If you feel strongly about something, don’t be afraid and say so.
A woman wants someone who’ll be decisive. She wants a man who has a mind of his own. An opinion. The way you assert yourself lets her know whether you have self-confidence or not.
4. You Lose Yourself Outside Of The Relationship
The reason why most relationships fail is from mismanaged expectations. When you stop doing the things that make you happy on your own, you begin to fill that void by demanding more from who you’re with.
Your expectations become unmanageable eventually which causes a lot of resentment and argument. Remain as you are throughout your relationships. Keep up with whatever you were doing before you started dating.
Don’t lose friends and stop doing your hobbies. Don’t give up your time or bend over backwards. Maintain a life on your own, outside of dating.
5. You Need Constant Reassurance
The best time to be in a relationship is when you don’t need to be in one. Fall in love with yourself first and always do things that make you happy.
Success in dating happens when two, independent people come together and share themselves with each other. If you seek validation externally, you will always be disappointed.
Never look for acceptance outside of yourself, it’s something you carry within. No one can tell you that you’re good enough.
Everyday when you wake up, focus all your energy towards becoming the ideal version of yourself. Share that gift with the person you decide to be with.
You can see more of Myke’s writing at SocialManProject.com
Photo courtesy of BigStockPhoto.com