When you’re a parent with chronic illness, you need all the help you can get to manage life. These five tips can help you get there.
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Never in a million years did I think that smack dab in the middle of being a busy parent I’d get struck with some weird chronic illness that would slow me down. Like, my 5-year old doesn’t even run away from me anymore; He knows I can’t get around that fast so he actually just speed-walks. I still can’t catch him. My 12-year old knows that I have cognitive issues so he likes to ask me for something he’s already been given because I can’t remember that I already forked over five dollars for whatever… (In his defense, he always tells me he’s just kidding and that I already gave it to him…I think).
One of the biggest frustrations we struggle with as parents with a chronic illness, is how to help our children understand and get through our illness. We contend with the guilt of not being “like other normal parents.” We don’t want to lay the heavy burden of our illness on our children so we may withhold information or try to push through pain, fatigue and other symptoms so that our children may not notice and we can give the perception of perfect parenting. How do you toggle between the need of being “Parent of the Year” and the reality of your chronic illness? I’m not an, but I do have four children and a few years of experiencing what does and doesn’t work.
When you’re a parent with a chronic illness, these tips may help you to help your kids:
- Doing the best you can is the best. Perhaps pre-chronic illness, you were the kind of parent that made a four-course breakfast in the mornings and whipped up a sparkly clean home before the kids got off the bus. It’s time to let go of that, okay? If you manage to get your kids off to the bus with pants on and a make breakfast that didn’t consist of throwing Pop-Tarts at them as they bolted out the door to catch the bus, congrats, you’re still a good parent. Your kids won’t hold it against you.
- Be honest with your kids. Do use the days when you feel well to live it up with your kids! Go to the park, create, play, bake! Don’t, however, withhold from your children that you aren’t feeling well and try to “push through” your parenting play duties. It’s okay to tell your kids, “I know you were really excited about going to the park today, but I’m not feeling well. If I’m better next weekend, we’ll go.” It’s important for your kids to know when your chronic illness is affecting you adversely. This will help them to learn empathy and that it’s okay to listen to your body.
- Educate your children about your chronic illness. Whether they are two or 22, you can help them to better understand what you’re going through. Find articles, children’s books, and diagrams to teach them about your situation. Involve them in advocacy efforts, walks, or fundraising to help raise awareness and support for your condition. It helps your children not only better grasp your condition, but it will also encourage bonding with them and give them a sense of empowerment.
- Never underestimate the power of reassurance. Some children might fear that what is happening to you might happen to them. Listen to their fears and provide comfort to them. Give them constant reassurance that they are healthy, active, and that your condition is not contagious.
- Accept saying no. Being a parent is tough work even when you’re healthy. Now throw in a debilitating condition and still try to feel like “Parent of the Year.” You don’t have to volunteer for every field trip. You don’t have to be a member of the PTO. You won’t make every birthday party. It’s great that some parents can commit to all of that, but it’s not the recipe for being a great parent. Some of us cannot make any kind of commitment because of the instability/unpredictability of our chronic illnesses. Being a good parent isn’t about how many activities you can squeeze in with your children or how many parenting groups you can join. Your child cherishes the quality time you have with them. Reading books with them, showing interest in their video games or hobbies, finding a way to be there. My boys play football and often times I can’t make it to their games. I have wonderful friends to Skype or Facetime me into their game so I can watch from home or from the hospital.
If you’re reading this article, you are a good parent. You are actively seeking a way to help your child understand your chronic illness and help them acclimate to the “new you.” You love them and still want to be the very best parent for your children. You should be proud of yourself. Stop what you’re doing and give yourself a high-five or pat on the back. When you desire to love your children unconditionally and commit to helping them grow in a safe, secure, warm and inviting environment, you can rest assure that you’re still “Parent of the Year” in their eyes.
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This post is republished on Medium.
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Your the strongest most positive woman I know and an excellent mother. You have always been inspirational before and after your unexpected diagnosis. Looking forward to reading more!
I think this will help! Thx!
Loved reading this article ! Very informative and your sense of humor had me wanting to read more ! I look forward to your next article !!!!!
Enjoyed this so much. Thank you for sharing,
Very well written!! And it’s always nice to have a little humor mixed in with all of the seriousness…makes it relatable!!