I used to think dating was rocket science. Tons of books, articles, and mentors in one industry gave that impression. I was in student mode 24/7. But once I stepped out of that mindset, I realized dating is simple (read all the lessons I learned in my free ebook)
Repeat yourself
People don’t always take your offers right away. Imagine you’re on a diet, and your friends order pizza.
“Want some?” they ask. “Nah man. I’m good. On a diet”. But the pizza smells good. It’s right there in front of you.
“You sure?” they ask again. This time, you ponder. By the third or fourth time, you’re like, “The hell with this. Gimme that thing.”
You wanted the pizza the whole time. But you needed to get comfortable about it. It’s a weird psychology.
The last girl I dated wanted me to ask her out twice. We talked on the phone and the vibe was great. When I offered to meet, she said she wasn’t sure, and we’ll see. Three hours later, I offered again. We went out for a month and had tons of fun.
Guys back away at the first try. Don’t. Don’t be a stalker, don’t feel like you are entitled to anything. And don’t push when you hear a no. But it is OK to ask twice if you are otherwise getting good vibes. And be “creative” about it.
Creative persistence
In my job, I do sales and pitch to clients. Often the prospect won’t close then and there. Our prices are high, and prospects take time to compare different offers.
When I follow up, I mix formats and approaches. First, I might call. On the second follow-up, I’ll WhatsApp the prospect. Then I’ll email him with content. Then I’ll WhatsApp again, saying Hag Sameach in holidays.
I do the same when I court a girl. I mix it up to never come off as predictable. Predictability kills attraction. I call, text, and send voice messages. I’ll usually text at different times throughout the day.
The test of time
A friend of mine hated it when I told him women test you. But this is reality. Some women are courted left and right and can’t go out with every guy they meet. So they make it hard to see what the guy is made of.
They ignore him on the approach or come up with bullshit. They don’t say “no” when they get asked out, but they don’t say yes either.
That’s the “test of time”.
Sometimes women aren’t interested, and that’s it. But you don’t know that until you offer to meet 2–3 times. I once dated a girl I met two weeks earlier at the bar. That’s a wide gap, but it happens.
It can also happen when you meet a girl on the apps. It may take 5–7 days until you meet.
The biggest mistake guys make
Men don’t lead the way. And it kills their chances with a girl. Don’t ask a girl, “Do you wanna go out?” offer instead.
“Let’s go out this weekend. We can sit at X cafe near your house.” The latter is way better. You offer to go out and lead the way by choosing what to do.
Never ask a girl, “What do you wanna do?” It immediately puts you in the danger zone. If you are asking a girl, have a suggestion. Maybe two, and then ask what she would prefer.
Let her wonder
When I get a girl’s number, I never mention the date. I’m like, “Let’s swap numbers.” Then I pull up my phone, and she types it in. Sometimes, she’ll tap the green button and call herself so she’ll have my number.
If she doesn’t, I save her number, and we separate. Then we text for the next couple of days until we go out.
By not mentioning the date too early, you keep engaged. “Will he call? Does he even like me?” When I tried to secure a date on the spot, the response was always like, “Ah, ok, we’ll talk”. You just may be putting your cards on the table too fast.
Conclusion
Most men don’t do these things. But it’s not complicated. You lead the way with a smile, and she happily follows. That dynamic keeps both of you happy. You feel like a man who knows his way around, and she can relax.
Get my free ebook, “Life Lessons From Getting Rejected by Hundreds Of Women”
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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From The Good Men Project on Medium
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Photo credit: Karsten Winegeart on Unsplash
