One thing I respect most about my grandfather was his worth ethic. He was able to support his wife and five children, even throughout the tough economic times of the Depression
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I live, work and study in L.A. I am a thoroughly urban product and I love big city life. But my roots are in the country and much of what I learned about being a man I learned from my grandfather, a farmer (and factory worker) who barely ever travelled to the city and who preferred country roads to urban streets.
But some things about being a man translate well whether you are in the city or the country. Some things about being a man go far beyond time or place.
A Hard-Working Man…
One thing I respect most about my grandfather was his worth ethic. He was able to support his wife and five children, even throughout the tough economic times of the Depression, and fed his family with fruits from his orchard, vegetables from his large garden and pork and chicken from the animals he raised on his own farm. But because what he made from the farm was not enough to take care of his family, he also worked part-time in a factory to make ends meet and to be able to keep the farm.
A Man Who Made Time….
Some of the strongest memories of my childhood center on that farm. My cousins and I ran wild there during the summer, staying out most of the day until it was ready for dinner-time. He made a tire swing for us grandchildren in an apple tree in the backyard. I remember swinging on that in spring, when the entire tree was covered in flowers and again in the fall, when it was covered with ripening apples. I remember his root cellar was always full of the wax beans, cucumbers, and tomatoes he and my grandmother harvested and canned, storing them to be used throughout the year.
I think about the long hours that he kept, working from dawn until dark most days, often sitting up until the small hours of the morning with a sick or birthing animal.
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During the summer, when we would stay on his farm, he would sometimes wake me up early and we would go out into the garden together when the morning was still cool and pick tomatoes together, pulling them gently from their stems and dropping them carefully into his tin bucket so that they wouldn’t bruise. Later in the day, he would slice them up thickly and serve them along with our lunch. Even with all the work he did, he always made time for his grandchildren.
Training to be a doctor is not easy. As a medical student, I keep long and sometimes exhausting hours and work itself incredibly stressful. Sometimes, when I have had a particularly difficult shift or if I am so tired I just want to go home and sleep and not bother with anything, I think about the long hours that he kept, working from dawn until dark most days, often sitting up until the small hours of the morning with a sick or birthing animal. And thinking about that helps me cope better with the heavy workload my own job has brought me: the work itself may be different, but the commitment to that work I definitely first learned from my grandfather.
A Man of Faith
I take time out for church and for prayer and it is just as important to me as it was to him.
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Another important thing which I learned about manhood from my grandfather was his faith. Even with the long hours he worked on the farm and in the factory, he always made time to go to church on Sunday — both morning and evening, in the grey suit and starched white shirt that he saved just for Sundays. He wasn’t a fanatic and he didn’t try to put his religious beliefs off on anyone else — but he did live his beliefs in his own quiet way and I remember that his Bible, which he kept by his nightstand, had a spine that was worn and cracked with use.
He set a good example for me when it came to making religion the center of life and despite my own crazy schedule, I take time out for church and for prayer and it is just as important to me as it was to him. I find, like he found, that the church helped me and my wife to balance and ground our family’s life and to also put things into perspective when it gets difficult with my job.
My grandfather loved his children and grandchildren dearly, never forgetting the many birthdays sprinkled throughout the year and I am eternally grateful that he was able to meet my own son, now a toddler, before he passed away last year, dying quietly in his sleep at the age of 84. But I wish that my own son was old enough to remember him, and to have the role model of manhood in his life that I myself had. I only hope to be able to live up to the standards my grandfather set and to be the kind of role model for my son that my grandfather was to me.
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Photo: Getty Images