This year’s Oscar nominations tell us there is more afoot about men in Hollywood than just sexual predators, harassers, and oppressors of women. Sure, the gender equality revolution is, certainly, about women’s empowerment and ending abuse. However, it’s redefining men’s lives is also a part of that narrative. Clearly, this year’s nominees show us how difficult that path can be.
If Beale Street Could Talk is a conversation about masculinity that would have been almost unimaginable a few years ago. An outwardly jovial and strong-looking character cries, softly, as he talks about being scared, really scared. The protagonist Fonny wrestles with his feelings of emasculation after his girlfriend protects him from a racist cop. His incredible resilience and understated strength in the face of systemic racism is amazing. This one has it all. Sadly, that might be why it was snubbed in key Oscar categories. Its images redefine men’s strength, thoughtfully examining their vulnerabilities and capacities for courage, tenderness, and love.
A Star Is Born features Jack, a damaged man. Overcome by childhood trauma and a sinking career, he finds himself on a downward spiral of booze and pills. In the end, perhaps as a silly macho gesture of noble (or just damn selfish) self-sacrifice, he kills himself. Reflecting, I suppose I can’t fault Jack for copying his three predecessors (from 1937, 1954, and 1976). Still, this view of the limited choices open to men bothers me. Even worse, it seems to resonate with the young viewing public.
There is one moment in A Star is Born, however, that heralds a welcome change in our ideals of manhood. When Jack wanders into a bar where drag queens are performing, he doesn’t show a flicker of homophobia or insecurity.
First Man, though, returns us to the idea of the “damaged man”. Here we see an incredibly high-functioning Neil Armstrong, whose pain from losing his daughter gets sublimated into work and derring-do. Actually, vacuum packing your emotions would probably come in handy if stuffed into a tin can and flung to the moon. Now, the astronauts (male and female) I’ve chatted with have been a lively bunch. As far as I could tell, they were no more emotionally tortured than any of us.
The challenge facing Armstrong is that life inside his manly armor of invincibility doesn’t leave much room for the acceptance of vulnerability. For far too many men, this gap is filled with substance abuse, depression, suicide, violence, or workaholism. That’s why I dream of a sequel, First Man on the Therapist’s Couch. Just imagine!
“Houston, I have a personal problem.” Two hours later, demons are slain. A language of emotions developed.
Such optimism should hardly lead me on the road to Roma and its images of men, but here I am. Those images are not pretty: Men who ditch wives and turn their backs on their kids; men who ditch girlfriends the second they find out they are pregnant; men who live in a fantasy world of strongmen and spacemen; and men who kill protestors in cold blood. The brilliance of Roma, however, means that none of these men feel like straw figures. Although set in 1971, it could be happening today (with the substitution of a fleet of modern cars).
So, where does Roma fit into our discussion of changing men?
The answer is simple: Alfonso Cuarón, a writer, director, and cinematographer, who understands the deep oppression of women. As a result, he can capture, as few filmmakers have done, the complex interaction of gender, race, and class. He mobilizes incredible empathy and talent to speak out against social injustice in ways that don’t feel political. Clearly, he has been listening to the diverse voices of women.
There are many others: Black Panther (“It’s hard for a good man to be king”). Leave No Trace (a traumatized vet struggles to be a good dad). Blindspotting (male friendship amidst the realities of racism). Boy Erased (a boy battling his sexuality, his family, and his church.) Burning (nice guy vs. bad boy and heterosexual desire).
As much as some of these movies point to change, we still have a long way to go. Ending abuse, achieving gender justice, and reshaping men’s lives will take time, maybe a lifetime or two. Last year saw the number of women directing the top 250 films decrease from 11 to 8 percent. On a recent plane trip, half the movie selections featured cardboard-cutout men. There were cartoon characters, square-jawed soldiers, and action heroes. All of them projected an unflagging ability to dish out punishment and heroically take the pain.
Despite this, movies are beginning to reflect amazing new possibilities for men and women, alike. Change may never feel quick enough, but it definitely is coming to our homes, workplaces, and a theater near you.
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