Are You Blocking the Law of Attraction From Helping You Find Your Ideal Mate?

If you are a single woman, you’ve probably done the work of making that list — the one with the qualities that you are looking for in a man. And maybe you’ve narrowed your huge list down to the top 3 qualities to make it easier to filter matches.

And now you’re going on dates. But none of the guys that you are meeting are coming across as “the one.” So after you talk one time and don’t see potential, he’s out. On to the next!

Do you do this? If you do:

Please stop, and read this. You might be getting in your own way.

I get it. Disappointment in a romantic relationship can be tough to get over.

Let me explain how this can happen for any of us as we date and meet men.

Heartbreak can change how we date.

When you go through heartbreak, it changes you. A relationship that once appeared to have so much potential has disintegrated before your eyes. And you decide never to fall into that trap again. Whatever red flags you ignored or qualities you didn’t demand in that last guy; it’s time to make changes.

The way you decide to prevent a recurrence is to get super intentional in who you are calling in.

This often leads to more detailed filters, greatly limiting who you agree to message with, and dropping a guy at the first sign of some undesirable behavior or attribute. You are NOT going to waste time with someone unworthy, as that last situation backfired so horribly.

But as you do this, realize one thing. The law of attraction works best for us when we surrender to the process. This means setting an intention for the sort of man that we want. Getting real about what some of the most important internal qualities are to us in men.

Do your research, but also allow for some surprises.

Do your searches online, and meet men when you’re out. Definitely follow up and respond with the men that look interesting. I do advocate reaching out to men from time to time and initiating contact. But if you do this, make sure he takes over and starts reciprocating. Men need to lead at the beginning of a relationship. It’s also how you gauge that he is interested and wanting to pursue something with you.

Let me share a bit about my own experiences.

When I first started dating again at 38, I knew exactly what I wanted! The next guy I was going to date was going to be so handsome, wealthy, tall, fun, super driven, and accomplished.

So I dated around for a few years.

Around the time that I met my now-husband, my requirements were changing significantly. Forget the crazy levels of success and confidence that I had been so drawn to before. The men with these qualities that I was meeting all tended to have crazy egos to match their authority and income levels.

I realized that it was essential for my guy to be a social and intelligent Indian and come with a great and accepting family. He needed to be interested in building a great future together and ready to have a lot of fun and explore the world. And be an all-around amazing guy with a heart of gold.

As I got to know this new guy checking all of these boxes, he blew me away with how caring and loving he was. He came across as so down to earth, got along so well with all of my friends and family, and many other wonderful characteristics. Not to mention, his small family was lovely. They were very open, loving, and accepting of me. And thus, my type changed!

It stuns me that I came so close to overlooking this amazing guy that is now my husband.

Unless there is a definite red flag or dealbreaker that comes up during a conversation, try to be open. For at least the first few months of online dating, talk to and video date LOTS of men! Date outside your filters a bit until you know which exact ones belong there.

And try to get more of a feel for what the guy is like before you cross him off the list.

If you get overly particular about who you talk to, you risk losing out on getting to know at least a few great guys! We can set intentions for what we want. But once we have done that, it’s important to be open to what comes up. Keep in mind that the universe does want what’s best for you. And can often know more about what is best for us than we do ourselves.

So trust it, even if it feels uncomfortable to meet someone that is outside your type. There is such a wealth of self-knowledge to be gained from dating and getting to know strangers.

Do your part, but also allow the universe to surprise you! It is quite possible that the man that is exactly right for you could come in a different package than you are currently imagining. I say this because it happened to me!

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This post was previously published on Hello, Love.

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