Shift your attitude, tame your “approach anxiety” (a real thing!) and you just might find yourself talking to your dream girl.
Beautiful ladies, I used to feel painstakingly pathetic standing in the same room as you.
I would become shaken, self-conscious and short of breath, hysterically searching my brain for something to say.
All I ever found were nightmares of interactions going terribly wrong. I was terrified. My inadequacies flooded my mind, supergluing my shoes to the floor and my tongue to my teeth.
It sounds extreme, but I’d bet almost all men have experienced the same situation. It’s so common that it’s even been nicknamed “approach anxiety.” For men, excuses are so much easier to find than something to say.
“That might be her boyfriend.”
“I’m not attractive enough this evening.”
“Her friends might make fun of me.”
Sound familiar? Thankfully, these, as well as every other excuse, can be eliminated from your life with a few simple attitude shifts:
1. I’d be a great boyfriend for anyone.
Have you ever stopped to think about what makes you a brilliant option for a beautiful woman?
Write down 50 reasons why you’re awesome. This exercise is brilliant because it forces your brain to think hard about your positive qualities. You’ll rewire your brain to remember your answers, and you’ll be armed with 50 reasons why your approach will be welcomed.
If you can’t complete your list, you should at least be able to identify areas you can improve in.
2. There’s $10,000 in your pocket.
If you approached a woman and presented her with a $10,000 check, would you be nervous about her accepting it?
Well, if you’re cool enough to be able to complete your “50 reasons” list, you’re probably presenting her with a package worth way more than that.
Most women would take the men of their dreams over $10,000. And let’s be real: A cool, successful, intelligent and loyal partner is probably worth 10 times that.
Always approach your game with the intention of giving something to the woman, whether it’s a laugh, a lasting memory or a taste of your lifestyle.
Never be the guy who takes before he gives.
3. What’s the best that could happen?
When we see attractive women, we often worry about the worst thing that could happen. It’s a natural human response that helps us stay away from danger.
Still, we should also consider the best thing that could occur. This stranger could be your next sexual partner, your next girlfriend or the woman you marry.
Every marriage starts with an approach, and the reward is almost always worth the risk.
4. It’s a man’s job to make the approach.
How many attractive women have approached you in the past 12 months?
It’s a man’s job to make things happen, and women agree.
So don’t slack off, and do your job!
5. It’s not rejection. It’s lack of chemistry!
Humans have a biological craving for affection. It’s natural to want to be accepted by everyone.
So it’s no wonder the threat of being rejected stops so many men from making moves.
Nevertheless, there are plenty of people who just don’t have chemistry. Not every woman is going to like you, and that’s totally okay.
Rather than viewing every approach as a pick-up attempt that can either be accepted or rejected, see it as way to discover whether or not there’s a connection.
Don’t be the dude who’s desperate to make it work just because she’s beautiful. Have higher standards. Explore whether or not she’s right for you in other ways.
If she’s rude, ignorant or stand-offish, it’s not a rejection. There’s just no chemistry.
You wouldn’t want a woman like that anyway, would you?
6. It’s a numbers game.
If there were 20 gorgeous women in a bar, and only one had a ridiculously brilliant gift for you, would you feel bad finding out who had it?
Or would you excitedly approach each and every one until you found your gift? And once you received your gift, would you think twice about the women who didn’t have it?
It’s a silly game you’ll always win, provided you don’t give up playing. Yet, it’s not too different from real life!
7. I’m not special (in a stranger’s eyes).
Men often avoid women they’re attracted to because they’re afraid of other people’s reactions.
If it doesn’t affect him or her, no one cares about a stranger’s actions.
See for yourself. Scream at the top of your lungs in a public place. People will stare for two seconds, and then they’ll turn back around. They’re too preoccupied with their own lives.
You’re not special in a stranger’s eyes. If a woman shoos you away, it’s because you’re a stranger. Don’t take it personally. She doesn’t evenknow you.
Remember she’s a stranger, too. She’s not special, either. You should never be afraid of a stranger’s opinion.
8. It feels better than not doing it.
The worst thing about letting a woman walk by is that gut-twisting feeling of “what if?” Was she supposed to be your next sexual adventure or your next girlfriend?
The shame of not saying hi is always worse than an interaction gone bad.
Once I introduce myself, I never beat myself up about anything else, and neither should you. See every approach as a 10 out of 10 from here on out.
And with all eight of these attitudes embedded in you, it probably will be.
Originally appeared at Elite Daily. Reprinted with permission.
By Joe Elvin
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