Transcript provided by YouTube (unedited)
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you and i
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when
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we got together you were
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my worst nightmare
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thank you you’re a vegetarian
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[Music]
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what do you say to somebody who says
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i can only
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i want to date somebody who is of the
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same faith as me that’s really important
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to me and
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i’m
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sort of my type so to speak is somebody
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who shares my same religious beliefs
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what do you say to those people i think
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there’s a there’s probably a difference
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between a type and a rule that we’ve set
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up
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so a type would be someone that we find
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ourselves drawn to
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for whatever reason
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physically there’s kind of some
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attraction in print
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early on in our lives that led us down a
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certain path with a certain kind of
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aesthetic
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or there’s personality traits that we
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find ourselves drawn to
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either because we saw them in our
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parents
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either for better or worse uh there’s it
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could be that there’s a trauma bond
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happening that keeps happening with
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every person we’re with those to me are
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types
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there’s a sort of unconscious
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i just feel drawn to that kind of person
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then there’s rules that we set up
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and saying i need to date someone from
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my religion
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is a rule
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that we’ve set up i almost see that as
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slightly different from a type
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it’s a it’s a rule
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and
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just like types narrow down our options
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the more rules we have
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for what someone has to be
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or who they have to be the kind of
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person they have to be in life
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what they believe what they do with
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their lives the more rules we set up the
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smaller our pool is going to be for
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years
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i’ve
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dealt with people who
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come with some kind of rule around
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religion or faith
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and
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it’s just like any other rule
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really it
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it narrows your pull
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and you have to therefore ask yourself
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if this is go every time you narrow your
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pull
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your love life’s going to get harder
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to meet someone
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so then you have to ask yourself how
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worth it is it to me to narrow my pool
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in this way
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how important now i’m not here to to
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make a judgment on that that’s up to
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people
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to decide
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but what i do encourage people to do is
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to ask themselves what’s behind the rule
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what’s actually behind it
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you and i
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when
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we got together you were
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my worst nightmare
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thank you you’re a vegetarian
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and i don’t have anything against
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vegetarians at all jameson will tell you
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that there is some part of me that sort
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of
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i think probably for you too jay we we
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kind of are similar on this that we’ve
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we’ve not been able to bring ourselves
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to stop eating meat but
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we sort of do believe that probably we
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should be vegetarians i believe that if
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i was a better person i would stop
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eating me correct and that’s sort of the
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camp i mean
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um
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but
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that’s all what’s also true
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is that there’s nothing more exciting to
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me than going to great restaurants
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with amazing food
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and eating
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whatever is the speciality there and the
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idea of being with someone who can’t eat
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that thing with me
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and be like isn’t this incredible
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would have been something that i would
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have said well that’s not that’s not
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what i want
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and audrey i’m sure on some level may
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have thought one
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will be more compatible if the person
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i’m with is a vegetarian because it
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means we think the same way in that
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department i don’t think it was ever a
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rule for audrey clearly it wasn’t but
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there probably if it was a preference it
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might have been listed as a preference
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but
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when we came together what was clear
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about both of us
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what was clear about you is that you
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love animals
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and
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you also care about the environment and
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so there were
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there were deep things motivating
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your decision not to
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eat meat
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and
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the truth is that
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even though what we do is different
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my beliefs aren’t actually that
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different
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in terms of what we value
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we both value life we both value animals
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we both love animals
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and we both care about the environment
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but your approach to that
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has been different
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but we still connect in terms of the
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values driving us and so we’re able to
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find a home together in that value
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system even though
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the way we live in that home
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differs
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and i when i think about for example
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people with religion
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i
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i think there’s probably
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a lot of people
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who actually have
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extraordinarily similar values
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to them
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that
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get written off because they’re either
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from a different faith
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or because they’re
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not of a faith at all
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or in some cases we’ve had
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people who i’ve coached
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who have said
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it’s not enough that they’re part of my
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faith they need to be really devout
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so now you even have a narrowing of a
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pool within the same
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faith again i’m not saying what people
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should
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to here to dictate what rules people
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should have
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only that
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we should consider
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the possibility that
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other people
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have things to teach us and we have
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things to teach them
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and i think one of the great things
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about a relationship is that when you
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come to somebody who
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has uh
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different ways of living
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that you actually
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find this the genesis of something new
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that comes out of the two of you
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there is a kind of one plus one equals
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three
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situation that happens where both of you
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learn something and both of you
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grow because the relate a relationship
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does not need to be an echo chamber
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but a lot of us when we create rules
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we
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act like it does need to be an echo
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chamber
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and that reflects our arrogance
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that we think we’ve what we have decided
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in life what we have come to believe
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is the just that is the truth that is
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the be all end or best way to live
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it’s the best way to operate in life
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that’s the best way to think and all i
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need is to find somebody else who’s also
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discovered all of these best ways of
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living and thinking it’s an incredible
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arrogance
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and you might just be on that dating app
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and just see one thing in the profile
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right that goes vegetarian and you go
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oof i’m not vegetarian yeah swipe left
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like instantly gone it’s you know you
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you these are the heuristics that people
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make very fast decisions on but that’s
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the crazy part is that that
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that audrey’s a vegetarian is annoying
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to me
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still now but what is driving that
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is
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guilt what is driving that is absolutely
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one of the things i love most about
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audrey
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so that’s an interesting conundrum isn’t
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it
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but
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but that trait that’s driving her the
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kindness and the compassion and the love
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that’s driving that decision for her
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that makes my life so much better yeah
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and and so you have to
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like being obsessed with these things on
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the surface
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instead of understanding that the very
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trait that produced that thing that you
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think is not for you might be the thing
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that
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benefits you most
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in the relationship
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you
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This post was previously published on YouTube.
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