Recently, someone commented on one of my articles that they don’t believe in this dating trend.
Sure, the behaviors aren’t new, but if you aren’t aware of them, there’s a chance you’ll make the same mistake over and over again.
Let me give you an example from my own experience.
When I was on dating apps, I used to make this mistake at least a couple of times when I couldn’t let go of a guy who constantly flaked on me.
When we talked over the phone, it felt like he was ready to meet and have a date.
He kept saying, “I’m so excited to see you!”, but then a day later, he would text me saying something came up, so he needed to reschedule our date.
I didn’t see it as a red flag because, well, he’s very cute and funny.
It took me a while to realize that things wouldn’t go anywhere with this guy, and I should’ve let it go sooner.
Knowing the trends associated with certain behaviors will help you see things more clearly.
You don’t need to play the guessing game. You catch the signs earlier and plan your exit.
What are the common signs someone’s flaky?
They make you feel like they’re into you yet their actions don’t match
The moment you started chatting, you felt strong chemistry, and your mind’s full of those scenarios of what it looks like to be with them in person.
They also confirm it by making you feel special. While it’s nice to talk on the phone, you wonder why not go on a date? It’s been a month!
But when you bring it up, he keeps saying things have been busy and “we will meet when work is slowing down.”
In summary, their words don’t match their actions. You’ve had a clear picture of this person entering your life, while they haven’t made up their mind.
They always cancel the plan with you with different excuses
One day he said his car broke down, the next day he said he was sick. You can guess tomorrow it’s going to be another different excuse.
It is hard to see, especially when they’re good at lying. They make the reasons sound so solid that you have no other option but to be understanding.
But how many more “reasonable excuses” can you take until they finally show up to the date?
It doesn’t matter how charming they are. If they don’t respect your time, then it’s already a red flag.
They’ll come back once you lost interest though…
Some people like it when you chase them. I mean, who doesn’t want to be wanted, right?
That’s why once you start pulling away, they would realize it and come back to you. They will convince you that they’ve changed.
If you don’t cut things off with them, there’s a chance the old cycle will happen again.
In short, they’re far from being reliable.
If you can’t even trust them to show up on a date, imagine what things will look like if you’re in a serious relationship with them.
How to deal with them:
“Some individuals don’t take social commitments seriously, and this is a red flag. There’s only one reason for flaking on a date — you’re not important to your date.”
It’s one thing to do not want to go on a date, but another thing to actually set a date with someone and then decide to cancel it.
Once is okay (with some reasonable reason), but what if it happens more than 3 times? You know at this point, they’re just flaking.
The best time to deal with this type of person is to set clear boundaries. Let them know when things got unbearable instead of agreeing on a new date.
It’s okay to cut things off after you’ve given enough chances.
You don’t need closure. I think this is one of the times when it’s acceptable to ghost someone.
You know you’ve done your best to make it work. If the other person doesn’t reciprocate your effort, there’s no point in waiting.
P.S: I’m using “they” here because this flaky behavior can be seen not only in men but also in women.
This post was previously published on medium.com.
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