I am so, SO tired of mounting social and ecological problems and disruptions. I’m also fed up with all our perpetual, feeble “solutions”… that inevitably solve nothing.
I have to admit, though: my wife and I are a big part of the overall problem — by virtue of merely existing in this society and partaking of its many consumer pleasures. It boggles my mind that the human population has more than doubled over the past 50 years, and during that time global ‘development’ and consumerism have more than doubled as well. That’s a sure recipe for intensifying disaster — yet we still go on, furiously pursuing and defending our business-as-usual lives and lifestyles.
More and more, I’m feeling like a trapped animal with no way out. Yet I’m living a fairly “successful” life and enjoying a mildly rewarding retirement. The underlying contradictions are eating at me, though. Hell, my partner and I are dedicated “conscious consumers.” We recycle, reuse, live a simple, minimalist lifestyle, hardly ever go shopping or drive our car, and never go to a mall for “pleasure shopping.” (Remember that creepy 80s–90s slogan “Shop ’til you drop”?)
Here’s the thing that’s eating at me: No matter what I do or how we try to “live consciously,” the world continues on its mad, destructive course. No matter how many people simplify their lives and pretend to reject our consumeristic ways, the fact remains that we are all — unless we leave society, go totally off-grid and live in the woods somewhere — quite enmeshed in our manic (and maniacal) global economic systems.
A ‘no win’ situation of our own making
The practical, day-to-day truth is, I live with and care for a disabled partner, and there is simply no way we can go off on our own, dispense with all these social and economic goodies, grow our own food, and live independently. The truth is, we are highly dependent on our current social, medical, and economic systems, and could not survive — or live very comfortably — without them.
Yet, because we are part of these systems and utilize them regularly, we are automatically part of the problem. And I hate this. Try as we may to be “good people” who care for our planet and other life forms, the overwhelming thrust of human affairs continues inexorably in the opposite direction, toward massive and deepening social and ecological destruction.
At this point, I am fed up with humanity. I am edging toward giving up totally on humanity and any hope of sanity and meaningful progress. By now, it is crystal clear to me that as long as our human population keeps growing and we keep expanding and defending our consumeristic rape and pillage of the planet, there is NO hope of any workable solution.
Simply put, we’re in a ‘no win, no way out’ situation of our own making. And most of us are so addicted to our comfy, consumeristic pleasures that we’ll hang on to our creature comforts for dear life — even as they are collectively killing off thousands of other species and wrecking our planet.
Stuck in a difficult, precarious situation
That’s why I titled this article “confessions of a reluctant, enmeshed consumer.” The paltry efforts of the environmental movement — which are now being actively reversed in the US (where the environmental movement actually started back in 1970!) — couldn’t stem the tsunami of manic “development” and ecological destruction. Instead, that tsunami just keeps growing and widening. So today, I am a totally disheartened environmental advocate, caught in the web of lies, dependencies, and outright addictions we call “modern society.”
In a mere 50 years, our society and global civilization have gone completely off the rails. Our human population and our global extraction/consumption economies are now fully out of control. And I am a tiny cog in this giant, steaming mess, this endless shitstorm. And I don’t like it. Not one bit.
Yet I also feel utterly helpless to do a damn thing about it — at least, anything that really matters. Because of my age — I’m 75 — and also my role as caregiver for my wife, we’re truly “stuck” in a difficult, precarious situation — and all we can do now is make the best of it and try to live as graciously and consciously as possible.
I’m grateful — and yet… and yet…
I don’t mean to sound ungrateful. I’m thankful for the abundance and the good things available to us, as is my wife. We enjoy the pleasures and comforts that accompany life in “modern society.” More, we need and depend on many of them.
Yet, what about… the costs? Yes, what about the terrible costs of all this prosperity? There’s always a layer of niggling (and sometimes tremendous) doubt and fear lurking just under the surface of our daily, “normal” lives. These doubts and fears murmur, “Isn’t all this completely insane? Aren’t we bankrupting and destroying our kids’ futures? Aren’t we just despoiling the Earth and grabbing and stealing everything we can, as fast as we can?”
That’s what horrifies me. It leaves me with a heavy heart and a sense of dark foreboding — for by now, humanity has greatly exceeded Earth’s carrying capacity. And our entire modern world is about to experience the disastrous, awful results of our over-the-top growth. This isn’t due to “fate” or some sort of divine judgment. It’s just the unavoidable and necessary endpoint of our misguided version of “progress.”
These costs and results are just too high — and far too destructive. That’s why I’m a reluctant, despairing, yet deeply enmeshed consumer. I and we — all of us — are caught up in and dependent on this crazy, destructive system, whether we like it or not. If I had my way, humanity would be going in far different, far saner directions right now.
But I don’t, and we aren’t. Dammit! So, I guess I’ll stay a reluctant consumer/destroyer for the rest of my days. As will my wife… and almost everyone else in this sick, God-forsaken “culture.”
But hey, let’s all sit back and enjoy the friggin’ ride while it lasts. Toss me the remote, and pass the Oreos and popcorn!
(Retch. Sob.)
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This post was previously published on MEDIUM.COM.
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