Dead Giveaways You Are an “Option”

 

Our first date ended oddly.

The two hours spent together were filled with great conversation and laughter. We clearly had amazing chemistry from the start and had all the important things in common.

After weeks of talking for hours on the phone and extensive texting one night, he finally suggested we meet the next morning. A last minute date.

As he stood before me in the parking lot, about to part ways, he gazed at me in a way that left me unsure of what he was feeling.

I couldn’t tell whether he was attracted to me or simply found me amusing — perhaps an odd curiosity that he would later tell his friends about, couching me solely as a girl he once met.

After a quick goodbye and a brief hug, he disappeared, leaving me wondering what would happen next.

I had absolutely no idea.

…

The first warning sign

In the weeks following that date, we would chat on the phone for several hours. Each call ended the same.

“It was fun chatting… sleep well my dear.”

There was never any mention of us getting together. Or when we would see each other again.

Was I being strung along? I wasn’t quite sure. He loved talking with me. We had amazing conversations. He confided everything in me.

Was I was just a buddy?

…

The second warning sign

Oddly enough, I did see him again after that first date.

“I’m going to be at the design center by your house today. Let’s do lunch.”

It didn’t take long for me to realize that these last minute dates were happening only because they were easy and convenient for him.

Perhaps he just wanted some company while he ate.

That’s when I put two and two together.

And I didn’t like what I came up with.

…

The hard truth

Later on, I dated someone who was deeply intent on winning my heart, and I realized that it is very simple to know if someone likes you.

A man who is serious about you will never leave you wondering when you will see him next.

And that’s because he is very intent on making that happen. He can’t wait to see you again and wants to take command of ensuring it happens soon.

If are you an “option”, they make no plans to spend time with you — unless it’s easy or convenient for them to do so.

Meaning, he is already going to that festival and will hang out with you if you are going too. Or you’ll be in his area so he’ll make a five minute drive to have tea with you.

Oh, and if they don’t see you or run into you, no big deal.

I say this with love, but…

That’s because you don’t matter that much to them.

…

Options require no effort

He may like the idea of seeing you, but unless he is putting in effort and taking action, it won’t happen — again, unless you make it easy for him.

He may SAY he wants to see you, but the outcome is the only thing that matters.

In college, I had a friend who had a huge crush on me. I didn’t know how he felt about me until I realized that he was driving an hour to pick me up and take me to events near his house (another hour drive).

He knew I didn’t want to make a long drive late at night and would say no if he asked me to drive over to him. The result he wanted was simple — to spend time with me — and he did whatever he had to do to make that happen. So he came and picked me up.

He was willing to overcome any barrier just to be with me.

Impressive.

…

You’ll never be left wondering

Even in the early stages, a man who is serious about me will usually make it clear when I can expect to hear from him, see him or connect with him next.

Will I see you Tuesday at yoga?
I will call you tomorrow.
Text me when you get home.
Want to do happy hour next week?

All of these convey that he has an active interest in maintaining contact with me. He’s showing concern, interest and intention in seeing me again.

When a man is serious about me, his continued interest in me is clear.

I will always know where I stand with him. A man who is invested in me never leaves me wondering.

The second I start wondering is the moment I start wandering away.

If a man isn’t clear about where I stand with him, I’ll find someone who is.

…

Want to delight me?

I know some men are slower to process their feelings and determine their intentions, and that’s okay. I give grace for that.

Within reason.

Nothing delights me more than knowing that a man I like has an intention — or a plan — for me.

So don’t hesitate to make that clear.

That will intrigue me and attract me more than anything. We all want to feel desired and wanted. A man having a plan on when he will see me again makes me feel that I matter to him.

And there’s nothing sexier than that. ❤

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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