In this episode of Practicing Love, I’m joined by Elana Auerbach, author of The Sure Thing: A Pleasure Practice to Revive the Spark, for a refreshing and deeply human conversation about desire differences, sensual connection, and what actually helps when intimacy takes a back seat.
Desire Differences: What to Do When Sex Feels Blocked or Stuck: Show Notes
What do you do when desire fades…
When intimacy keeps getting interrupted…
Or when sex starts to feel like pressure instead of pleasure?
In this week’s episode of Practicing Love, I’m joined by Elana Auerbach, author of The Sure Thing: A Pleasure Practice to Revive the Spark, for a conversation that feels like a deep exhale around sex, desire differences, and long-term intimacy.
Instead of trying to “fix” low desire or push through resistance, Elana offers something much more grounded and effective: pleasure as a practice of presence, intention, and safety.
We talk about:
- Why desire often goes offline even in loving relationships
- How resentment, withholding, and performance block intimacy
- A definition of orgasm that has nothing to do with doing it right
- Why Responsive Desire needs safety and context to emerge
- What to do when intimacy gets interrupted, and why pausing doesn’t mean failure
- How short, intentional pleasure practices can rebuild closeness and spark
This conversation is especially for you if you’ve ever thought:
- “I want more intimacy, but I don’t want pressure.”
- “Something blocks connection when things start to feel good.”
- “I miss feeling alive, relaxed, and open in my body.”
Elana’s work is wise, compassionate, and deeply practical, and offers real hope without forcing anything.
This episode is aligned with Honest Sex! And it pairs beautifully with Elana’s book The Sure Thing, which explores how a simple, intentional pleasure practice can transform not just your sex life, but your relationship with yourself. The link to get the book is on the podcast page.
When you’re done with this one, check out another episode on sex and pleasure that I recorded while launching Honest Sex, focused on What is Orgasm Actually? with Alicia Davon.
I’m also really excited to be working on a new way for people to date, to bring more honesty, and decrease the pain and frustration people are having with apps and modern dating. Keep an eye out for more on this.
Links:
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Connect with Elana
Bio:
Elana spent her childhood and young adulthood on what she calls “the conveyor belt of life,” being the good girl and doing what others expected of her. This looked like graduating Phi Beta Kappa from UCLA, working on Wall Street for an investment bank, and marrying someone with whom she felt no chemistry.
It all fell apart in 2001 when Elana realized she’d been living a lie and found the courage to leave her first marriage. She entered a world of sensuality and sex in a San Francisco pleasure-centered community. This is where she met the man who would become her loverman for life.
In 2005, Elana founded Sensuelle: A Woman’s Journey into Sensuality, a program supporting women to fall in love with themselves. Then, in 2011, a few years after becoming an ordained priestess with the Sanctuary of the 13 Moon Mystery School, Elana was certified to teach their year-long immersion into the feminine mysteries, where she taught for over a decade.
While Elana has a wealth of professional experience guiding women deeper into their bodies and their pleasure, The Sure Thing comes directly from her personal life. After years of frustration and failed gimmicks to try to respark her sex life with her spouse of 20 years, Elana invented The Sure Thing. This simple weekly practice has been a miracle for her and for their relationship. She wants everyone to have access to this life altering practice, so she wrote her debut book!
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Previously Published on Shana James Coaching
