You know, it’s funny. I was just sitting around here talking with a friend of mine, Bryan, who was the co-author of my book and we were chatting about the many approaches to meeting women, and some I think is so ridiculous it’s incredible.
Bryan and I were talking about that and about how some guys go out, and they learn from a certain pick-up guru how to pick up women by doing card tricks. So you walk over to a bunch of women, and you say “I’ve got a good card trick. Do you want to see a card trick?” By doing this, you become “card trick guy,” because you think it’s a good opener. Right?
Then the women ask you for how long you’ve been doing card tricks, and you say you just learned them . . . because deep down you’re a geek. You’re very unsure of yourself, and the fact is you just exposed yourself as “card trick guy.”
Now there’s a dating guru out there who does these card tricks. He’s tall, he’s got a cool personality, he’s freaky, and he’s got a cool look. He’s been doing card tricks since he was a little kid. He IS card trick guy. That’s his thing . . . that’s his m.o.
So now you’re trying to be “card trick guy,” but the fact is you’re not card trick guy. This is so ridiculous. When I go out there and teach men, I’m not teaching you to be card trick man or gimmick man, or hold my pictures man.
In case you haven’t heard of it, “hold my pictures man” is where you ask a woman to hold some pictures for you which are pictures of beautiful girls. The idea is that when the woman looks at them she’ll think “Wow, he goes out with beautiful girls.” It’s a subliminal message, and subliminal messages do work. I do teach subliminal messaging, and I don’t disagree with any of my competition in those ways.
I think subliminal messaging is fantastic and that it is really cool. But things like the card trick or the “hold my pictures” routine LOOKS SO STAGED! They look staged . . . you’re not in the moment. Being “card trick guy” means you’re not in the moment. It works for the original card trick guy but not for the person trying to mimic the card trick guy. Because the original card trick guy IS the card trick guy, whereas you’re the high-tech guy, or the lawyer guy, or the accountant guy.
You are not card trick guy; it’s not what you’ve been doing since you’ve been five years old like he has. You have to be who you are, experience who you are, and be comfortable with who you are. Let other people experience who you are, and open up that flow back and forth. Don’t try to be something you’re not, and don’t try to learn silly little pick-up tricks from somebody who developed his own style of connecting with people. It’s an interesting technique, but it just won’t work for you!
I liken myself to an architect. I consider myself a “dating architect.” What I do when I work with a personal client, is I work on building them from the foundation up based on his particular needs. I do this because in dating, in relationships, and in trying to connect with women, each guy’s situation is totally different from the another guy’s situation.
What most people do to get dating advice is go to a “one size fits all” dating expert. They go to a guy who’s basically going to go there, add the leather seats and some undercoating, and the next thing you know you’re ready to drive. You’re “card trick guy.” You’re “hold the pictures guy.” And the fact of the matter is, there is not one expert out there that can give you a “one stop shop” answer to your dating problems by giving you one type of routine that’s going to work all the time.
You have to realize that when I work with someone, being a dating architect, it teaches somebody a foundation. I address each person’s unique skill set on a one-on-one basis. By doing that and addressing their unique skill set, I’m then able in turn to figure out what the game plan’s going to be based upon each person’s unique personality.
So you’re not going to be walking around as “card trick guy.” You’re going to be walking around as the passionate guy who loves art. You’re walking around as the guy who has an intense amount of information on geography or politics. And you’re going to places where your actually meeting women based upon your likes and your dislikes. Meaning, if you love politics and you go to some political fundraiser and you meet a woman who is equally as passionate about politics as you, you’re going to have a conversation about something to which the two of you relate (as opposed to going up to a bunch of women in a bar and going “Hey ladies, can I show you a card trick?”)
What’s unique about what I do is that I’m a catalyst for self-actualization. I mean self-actualization in the sense of people becoming who they are. I mean it in the sense of what Nietzsche used to talk about with the ubermensch – becoming powerful, building their energies, focusing on their strengths and their positives, and really working on them and enhancing them.
I am very in tune with recognizing each person’s particular interests, and each person’s particular personality traits that make them an interesting person and that makes them stand out. Then I figure out how to use those interests and interesting personality traits to attract other people. I help people self-actualize.
That is the difference between me and the other dating gurus who are “one stop shops” and who give you advice that they claim works for everyone and in every situation. It’s stale. You can’t use one trick – or even five tricks – in every situation. The only way it will remain fresh and the only way it will work every time, is if you are you, you are comfortable being you, and if you learn how to be you in as many different situations as possible.
I’m going to leave you on this note. Either you want to be the Barney’s of dating or you want to be the Wal-Mart of dating. (For those of you who don’t know Barney’s, it’s a very high-end, exclusive, great department store in New York, Dallas, Seattle, Los Angeles, Miami, and they have a couple other stores out there) Do you want to be the guy who they’ve seen in every strip mall? Do you want to be like Jamba Juice, Structure or The Gap? They’ve already seen you. Fifty guys are wearing your same t-shirt around town. There’s a reason why all those guys are wearing the same t-shirt and think the same way.
The fact is that you want to distinguish yourself from everybody else. You don’t want to go to the one-stop shop and be the Wal-Mart of dating. You want to be the Barney’s of dating. You want to be the guy who everybody else emulates.
Originally published on David Wygant
Here are more ways to become a part of The Good Men Project community:
Request to join our private Facebook Group for Writers—it’s like our virtual newsroom where you connect with editors and other writers about issues and ideas.
Click here to become a Premium Member of The Good Men Project Community. Have access to these benefits:
- Get access to an exclusive “Members Only” Group on Facebook
- Join our Social Interest Groups—weekly calls about topics of interest in today’s world
- View the website with no ads
- Get free access to classes, workshops, and exclusive events
- Be invited to an exclusive weekly “Call with the Publisher” with other Premium Members
- Commenting badge.
Are you stuck on what to write? Sign up for our Writing Prompts emails, you’ll get ideas directly from our editors every Monday and Thursday. If you already have a final draft, then click below to send your post through our submission system.
If you are already working with an editor at GMP, please be sure to name that person. If you are not currently working with a GMP editor, one will be assigned to you.
Are you a first-time contributor to The Good Men Project? Submit here:
Have you contributed before and have a Submittable account? Use our Quick Submit link here:
Do you have previously published work that you would like to syndicate on The Good Men Project? Click here:
Join our exclusive weekly “Call with the Publisher” — where community members are encouraged to discuss the issues of the week, get story ideas, meet other members and get known for their ideas? To get the call-in information, either join as a member or wait until you get a post published with us. Here are some examples of what we talk about on the calls.
Want to learn practical skills about how to be a better Writer, Editor or Platform Builder? Want to be a Rising Star in Media? Want to learn how to Create Social Change? We have classes in all of those areas.
While you’re at it, get connected with our social media:
However, you engage with The Good Men Project—you can help lead this conversation about the changing roles of men in the 21st century. Join us!
We have pioneered the largest worldwide conversation about what it means to be a good man in the 21st century. Your support of our work is inspiring and invaluable.
Photo credit: Shutterstock ID 268167050