We all know what to expect when someone insults Donald Trump. Whether it’s a late-night host, a political opponent or a celebrity, he strikes back quickly and often viciously. For years, this behavior has defined his public persona: retaliatory, theatrical, relentless. While his supporters admire this no-holds-barred style, it raises a serious question for the rest of us:
Is striking back really the best option when someone tries to insult or provoke us?
In reality, responding to an insult can actually make its effect on others more powerful. Letting it pass, or calmly sidestepping it, tends to disarm the insult and weakens its effect on others. In a world that rewards outrage and escalation, this idea may seem counterintuitive, but research in psychology and social behavior supports it. It should be a guiding principle for those of us who still believe that positive individual and social change is possible.
Why Defending Yourself Can Reinforce the Insult
When someone insults you, it’s a performance. It’s designed to provoke a reaction, especially when there’s an audience. Often, we help the insult succeed by reacting exactly as expected.
According to Erving Goffman’s “face theory,” people manage a public image or “face” in every social interaction and an insult challenges that face. When you scramble to defend yourself, you risk confirming that the insult struck home. In other words, the harder you try to refute a cheap shot, the more seriously others take it.
This aligns with Reactance Theory (Brehm, 1966), which shows that when people feel pushed to defend or justify themselves, observers often interpret that defensiveness as insecurity or guilt. Rather than clearing your name, you may be amplifying suspicion or inviting ridicule.
There’s also the well-known Streisand Effect, the idea that trying to suppress or refute something often draws more attention to it. The same logic applies to insults. The more you react, the more others focus on what was said, not why or how it was said or whether it had any merit.
What Silence or Calm Deflection Signals
In contrast, ignoring an insult, or responding without visible emotional reaction, can signal strength. It implies that the comment was unworthy of a response. It shows intelligence and composure, not weakness.
This is backed by status signaling theory, which suggests that high-status individuals are those who don’t need to defend themselves. In many primate and human social hierarchies, power is demonstrated not by aggression, but by self-control. Calm indifference often indicates greater social security than a flurry of counterattacks.
Conflict de-escalation studies support this as well. Researchers consistently find that emotional escalation in response to verbal aggression tends to worsen conflicts, while measured, non-reactive behavior tends to reduce tension and deprive aggressors of fuel.
When insulted, the amygdala in the brain triggers a fight-or-flight response. Choosing to pause or stay silent activates the prefrontal cortex, responsible for higher reasoning and long-term thinking. To ignore an insult isn’t being passive, it’s being smart.
Why Most People Still Strike Back
If letting an insult pass is the smarter option, why don’t more people do it?
Perhaps the most common reason people fight back is the fear of being seen as weak. We worry that if we don’t defend ourselves, others will perceive us as vulnerable, or worse, join in.
This concern isn’t unfounded. In high-conflict environments like middle schools, authoritarian workplaces or toxic online spaces, folks predisposed to pettiness sometimes interpret silence as an invitation to escalate.
Here, the quality of silence matters. Silence that looks like fear may attract aggression. Silence that looks like calm confidence does the opposite. The difference lies in posture, tone and presence. Not reacting doesn’t mean shrinking away, it means owning the moment without being dragged down into it.
Another reason is that modern American culture, especially expressed through media, politics, and sports, celebrates the comeback. Verbal retaliation is framed as empowerment, a way to reclaim dignity or dominance. From courtroom dramas to Twitter clapbacks, we’re trained to equate striking back with strength.
Figures like Trump reinforce this constantly. His refusal to let any slight go unanswered has created a cultural model where retaliation equals toughness. But in reality, constant reactivity signals insecurity. Those who must defend themselves at every turn are not defending strength but are protecting ego.
There’s strong evidence from psychology, political science and media studies that overreactive behavior, especially constant retaliation, often backfires socially and can lead people to be perceived as insecure, petty or even clownish. While Trump’s brand has a unique appeal to a specific audience, outside that base, his behavior often reinforces negative and even derisive impressions.
People who defend their ego constantly are often viewed as narcissistic or emotionally fragile.
A 2016 study in “Personality and Individual Differences” showed that narcissistic traits are linked to hypersensitivity to criticism and a compulsive need to retaliate. This behavior decreased likability over time.
Aggressive leaders may be admired for strength by their base, but independents and moderates see them as unstable or insecure. A 2020 Pew Research Center study showed that Trump’s tweets were a major factor in alienating swing voters, who often saw them as childish or beneath the dignity of his office.
Practical Strategies for Letting It Pass
Letting an insult go doesn’t mean doing nothing. It means choosing what serves you best, or, frankly, choosing ethical behavior over gut instincts. What can you do, specifically, to make sure you do not lower yourself to another’s level of pettiness?
Give yourself a little break before responding. Often, that’s enough to break the emotional circuit. Shift the conversation or return to the task at hand. A light, self-aware joke can neutralize tension and show confidence. Make eye contact and say nothing. Trust that reasonable people are not stupid and will see the insult for what it is, the person who insulted you for what they are and will notice your self-control.
Power Isn’t Always Loud
We live in an age of constant provocation. Political figures model endless retaliation. Online discourse thrives on outrage. We’re constantly tempted to take the bait. But real strength doesn’t always look like striking back. Sometimes, it looks like refusing to be dragged down. Sometimes, it looks like saying nothing, not because you’re weak, but because you’re in control.
Insults only work when they provoke a reaction. The next time you’re on the receiving end of one, ask yourself: do I want to make this situation worse or better? If you want to make it better, silence is your weapon.
So Why Do Insults Work for Trump?
Trump gets away with it because insults, in the right context, in certain groups, can be seen as power, authenticity and dominance, especially when audiences are angry and think of themselves as alienated.
In evolutionary psychology, insults aren’t just verbal attacks, they’re status performances. They’re a way to publicly challenge someone and assert dominance. In animal hierarchies, these are known as “displays”: loud, brash behaviors that intimidate rivals and rally supporters. Trump’s insults function as these dominance signs, and a segment of the population interprets this as strength, not vulgarity. They think: “He says what others are afraid to say.” Even if it’s cruel, they admire what they perceive as boldness.
Furthermore, Trump doesn’t just insult, he entertains. He’s media-savvy. His insults are short, memorable, memeable. Cable news and social media reward his drama. Every Trump insult becomes a headline, a tweet storm, a debate topic. He dominates attention. In media terms, he understands that being outrageous can be more valuable than being correct, consistent or civil.
Many of Trump’s supporters feel they have been shown disrespect by elites, institutions and traditional politicians. So when Trump insults someone powerful, especially in the media or government, they don’t see it as cruel. They see it as justice. His insults become a form of vicarious retaliation. He turns his supporters’ frustration into spectacle, and they cheer him on for doing what they can’t.
But, We Are Not Trump
Here’s the catch: Trump’s strategy works for Trump because of his unique situation. He already had wealth and celebrity. He mastered attention-based politics. He built a base that sees cruelty as courage. For most people, especially in real life, his strategy doesn’t work. Being a perpetual insulter in a workplace, family or community usually leads to isolation or negative consequences. Trump is the exception, not the model.
We who value living responsibly and with humanity shouldn’t model our emotional behavior on what works in a broken system. Just because outrage and insult win elections in a dysfunctional media system doesn’t mean they win in life, relationships or in regard to inner peace or positive impact on others and the world.
So yes, doing the wrong thing does work, for Trump. He wants power. He wants dominance. Insults, cruelty and spectacle get him what he wants. But most of us don’t want that. We want something deeper: justice, fairness, peace, connection. If we imitate the methods of someone who thrives on division, we abandon the very values we stand for. When we abandon our deeply humane values, we abandon hope for real, significant change in ourselves and our society.
When we meet insult with insult, when we choose retaliation over restraint, we’re not just fighting back, we’re adopting the mindset of those who thrive on conflict. That’s how the cycle continues. And if we keep playing that game, there’s no hope of the world ever healing.
The better path is harder. Silence, restraint and dignity are signs of someone who has chosen a different kind of strength for a more humane world.
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This Post is republished on Medium.
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Photo credit: iStock
