Healing can come with rapid growth and change. Here are a few things my healing process has taught me.
- I’ve learned to treat myself every time I go out to eat by myself. Dining for one is not super expensive. If it’s in the budget, I’m going to make it count. I’m talking entree and dessert and my favorite drink, Moscow Mule. Every. Single. Time. If I feel like it. I do not need anybody’s permission to treat myself. I have a super awesome boyfriend who definitely treats me every time we go out. If he can do it for me, then I can absolutely do it for myself.
- I’ve learned to go anywhere by myself. Even with a boyfriend, I still go a lot of places by myself. We are two individuals with lives and friends outside of each other. One way being married crippled me, so to speak, is that I forgot how to be in the world by myself. I married young, just when I was getting used to being on my own. I had a ready-made travel buddy, although we rarely traveled. I’ve driven so many places by myself since the divorce. It’s empowering. I know I can get around big, unfamiliar cities by myself. The world isn’t so scary.
- I’ve learned how to trust myself. I didn’t recognize my own intuition. I promise my gut told me my ex-husband was unfaithful long before I had any evidence or inkling that anything was going on, but I ignored it. I didn’t know where that thought came from or why it came. I brushed it off. Now I recognize that voice and listen.
- I’m learning how to reconstruct my life. When you end something that is supposed to be so final, such as a marriage; and you know you’re going to have even less money than you had before AND you still choose that struggle; then there isn’t too much that you aren’t willing to change, if necessary. I’ve met new friends. Found new places to hang out. I am taking charge of my life and changing the things that I can. I needed more money, I became a real estate agent. I can’t afford my house. I’m putting it on the market and looking at studios. I’ve lived in this city for over ten years and I’m going places I’ve never been before, creating an entirely new community.
- I’m questioning everything that I have ever accepted as fact. I’m not questioning to be defiant, but questioning to see if it really serves me. Does it perpetuate toxic belief systems I no longer support or does it serve my higher good? Fear has no place in my life.
- I’m making the hard choice to do what’s best for me, no matter who it pisses off. I reluctantly admit that I have been a people please-er. I do not like disappointing or offending anyone EVER. That’s a problem when I ignore my needs and I’m not honoring myself.