Eight Signs You’re More Emotionally Intelligent Than You Know

Let’s jump right in.

#1. You neutrally accept reality.

Pain is a must whether you work hard or work smart. You’ve come to realize all suffering isn’t optional. And to avoid the lesson keeps you stuck repeating the same obstacles.

It’s not like you’re all gloom or all fake optimism. Instead, you’ve become accepting of circumstances outside your control. In doing so, a weight lifts from your shoulders.

Resentment makes way for appreciation of the small goodness working in your favor. Rather than thinking ‘why me’. Energy moves to the variables responding well to your attempts for change. Improving.

#2. You sit calmly with discomfort.

Most people let emotions rule their judgment. Yours doesn’t.

Someone’s slow speed doesn’t cause a volcano of anger to erupt inside you. Fear doesn’t morph into procrastination or numbing anxiety.

Discomfort may feel urgent. But you’ve learnt to cope via curiosity and imagination. Create stories in your head to calm your nervous system. Then choose to react. This approach is a lot different from the usual quick to aggression, avoid with distractions, or disconnect through screens.

#3. You regulate regularly.

There’s a reason every generation has a purchase blamed for their collective financial troubles. My generation was the avocado toast. When bought one-off, it’s a small, inexpensive treat. But compounded buying is a coping mechanism.

Emotionally intelligent people indulge far less often. (Sometimes, not of your doing. But because of your budget. Congrats to you all the same.) Either way, you acknowledge the emotion. Reflect enough to process the feeling until you’re back to your usual self.

I’ve found coping takes many forms. One too many tasks on to-do lists labelled as ambition. Habitual scrolling on Zillow described as wanting more from life. In quiet reflections, you hear such persons muse about their dissatisfaction with life.

Emotionally intelligent people regulate their lust for more regularly. Check their comparison thoughts. So, you’re one to eliminate what’s not possible now. You’ll focus on being satisfied with all you can do and enjoy now. And leave the door open to see if expansion works best in another season.

#4. You start with meaning.

Emotionally intelligent people are strategically selfish. They start after knowing their ‘why’.

Why am I willing to do this?
Why does [this task] benefit me?

Many things are ‘hard’ because people don’t connect the activity to their purpose. Or at the very least, connect it to the goals they’ve set for today.

If you’re emotionally intelligent, you don’t say, “The yard needs a trim.” Instead, you begin with the end in mind, “My yard ought to look better than my neighbour’s.” Violà, motivation. Being this deeply self-aware also leads to improved reads on others’s intentions. So you take unfavorable reactions with strangers (even family) less personally.

#5. You trust experience over thoughts.

The norm is to link events to form excuses. Your thoughts are worth acknowledgement. But you know you don’t have to obey them.

It’s liberating to have impulse control. To know you can prove your impressions wrong versus use made-up judgments as evidence.

#6. You’re good with being done.

Most assign absolute declarations. “I failed.” “I succeeded.”

Emotional intelligence has you realizing both outcomes are true. Failure and success exist together. Perspective makes one seem more real than the alternative. Experiences are dualities. Each features joy and sorrow, confusion and surprise, hope and despair.

I’ve come to realize the highs and lows work together to build who you are. A reality, whether good or bad, was never meant to be permanent. This discernment allows you to remain emotionally stable despite constant, uncontrollable changes.

#7. You enjoy time.

Too many people fill their schedules with more. Compress plenty into an hour in the name of productivity. Then wonder why so many tabs stay open while their head rests against a pillow.

Time doesn’t need a master. One of the hardest lessons I’m still learning. Your intelligent self plans only to enjoy occasions. Whatever happens, you make the best of the experience. You’d rather live with memories than construct possibilities about what could have been.

#8. You’re a sinner and a saint.

You reject the idea of perfection.

You can admit to (legal, ethical) villainous acts of just cause. And you can also firmly state boundaries you’ll never cross. Why?

Emotional intelligence requires accepting the fact: life isn’t fair. Virtue (nor villainhood) isn’t magic. The world promises you and me nothing. As such, you do what gets you where you want to be while being able to live with your conscience.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.