Four Ways Women Are Programmed That Make People Expect the Most of Them

Why do people have such high expectations of women?

Here’s how you set yourself up to be the beast of burden for entitled people.

1. Live as if they’re superwoman.

Most men dream of being Batman for a day. They’ll bear arms. Study exit routes the minute they enter buildings. A few even own swords. While many get motorbikes the second they start balding to for a different hero effect.

But most women.

Act as if they’re superwoman.

Even before casting roles open. They think. This is who my family needs. Who my kids deserve. This is how I’ll make it on my own with no one in my corner.

She labels herself capable.

Then she takes on Mount Everest-sized workloads. Tells herself she must be the best at work. She can’t let anyone hold anything over her. Her productivity carries on because her home is a reflection of her. And it too must be in good order.

She fears breaks. Runs herself into exhaustion to keep up appearances. Yet feels guilt if things work out without her. Like all, she did; didn’t matter — a harder blow than continuing to do thankless tasks.

Though aware, she presses on. Despite people with growing expectations taking advantage of her, she carries on.

What if she can’t untangle her self-worth from what she can do for others? She’ll lift the responsibilities of those around her for decades.

2. Live as the supporting act.

Every woman has dreams. Needs. Visions. Desires. It’s just that some don’t take themselves seriously.

The call to play a supporting character rings louder. Here’s a safe position to fill in life. One where failures aren’t hers. Where her fears of new beginnings quiet under someone’s screams for help. Where she knows the way — because she’s done it before.

She’s compelled to abandon what she wants. The validation and guilt of someone needing her is too much to ignore.

Here’s the ultimate quicksand. Every time she’s sidetracked by helping, her visions of the life she wants blur. The less she knows herself. And those claiming to know her say how much she’s good at and meant to be a supporting actress in their lives.

3. Live as a personal assistant.

Who is a mom? Who is a wife? Who is a sister? Who is a helpful, caring woman? What capacity have they not filled to keep the worlds of those around them, turning?

I’ve watched every single episode of Criminal Minds. Plus shows and documentaries like it. One thing they all have in common? The un-alivers choose women who are nice or empathetic. Ladies who disregard their body’s hair-raising conspiracy about this scenario not being right.

Women outgrow situations. Yet can’t get their emotional centers to take the step. Believing they can leave.

Instead, she contorts herself more than a possessed figure in The Conjuring franchise. She adapts ever more, hoping to please. Until her surrounding circle only recognizes her when she’s ready to do their bidding. Otherwise, she hasn’t been much like herself. And they can’t be acquaintances unless she is back to her old self.

4. Live as if they’re never good enough.

A high-achieving perfectionist for whom breaking a glass ceiling is too chaotic. So she hides away. Letting others take the glory of her ideas.

Oh, it’s okay.

She isn’t a fan of the spotlight. She’s alright in the shadows, keeping everything going as it ought to be.

It’s terrifying living up to one’s potential. Because it’s scarier making new friends, repeating successes, having people hope you fail.

What she isn’t prepared for is the punishing judgment of others. Having her overthinking brainbox critic be correct about how things won’t materialize.

Her fear of things going wrong locks her into an internal war. One, you glimpse when she belittles herself. Mention how she is a klutz. And that’s what she gets for briefly not Netflixing through life.

Women aren’t told, “girls will be girls.”

Nope.

Promptly and rather unpleasantly informed of their rudeness or shortcomings. So, most women’s dopamine core rewards them for the behaviours praised when they were kids.

Be helpful and put others first.

Unfortunately, living as such makes many women prey to expectation traps.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.